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You may, perhaps, say I am many other things.  That I am not really a survivalist because I don't do this or that or some other thing.

You'd be wrong.

Those preppers?

They have nothing on me when it comes to demented survivalism. They are wimps when it comes to survivalism.  OK, maybe they're rambos, but they are still not as prepared to survive as I am.

They concentrate on paramilitary training, weapons and ammunition stockpiling, and otherwise being a big He-Man type Rambo.

They'll be among the first to die in a real survival situation unless they also happen to be a demented survivalist like me.

I don't do the gun thing because in my End of the World scenarios, we lack the ability to maintain and manufacture guns, to keep them supplied with sufficient ammunition, and to keep the parts coming to keep them in good repair.

Sure, a few guns might be handy for hunting and stuff, but I wouldn't rely on them.  Once the ammo runs out, they don't make very good bludgeons.

No. I'm a demented survivalist.

That means I can survive if you toss me out in the wild with nothing but my wits and my hands. I can survive in the cities and suburbs.  I can survive a fund raiser dinner.

Dudes, I can make my own toilet paper.

That's demented.

I don't necessarily recommend that everyone learn all the stuff I've learned and taught myself and experimented in doing, but I am a very strong advocate for you learning to take care of yourself and your loved ones. You should know the basics:  how to feed yourself (that means finding food whether you forage it from the roadside or a grocery store, then cook it so it's edible), how to clothe yourself (whether it's buying the latest Armani thing or cutting and sewing fabric to make something wearable), how to find shelter (whether it's negotiating a rent contract or building a debris hut), how to take care of your health (whether it's preventive care, basic first aid, or finding a decent doctor), and other such skills that you use on a regular basis.

If you do it, or rely on it, you should know how to improvise and manage if you lose access to it for a short time, or perhaps even for a long time.

I'm demented because I take it all the way back to its most primitive form, and then extrapolate it all the way to its most viable futuristic form and do my best to master it all along the way.

I'm a demented, extremist survivalist, disguised as a fat little old lady.

With cute little dogs, who are also trained in skills to make me an even better survivalist.

Take that, you wimpy, gun-dependent "survivalists" - me and mine will out-survive you because we have mad, demented skillz and all you have is guns and freeze-dried pseudo-foods.

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