From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
"Not cool, Robert Frost!"
I think we may have a candidate for 2040. Enjoy…
More on this 9 year-old whippersnapper here. Pull mah finger, kid, and ya got mah vote.
February checklist: peeps, jelly beans, Cadbury eggs, candy hearts, chocolate bunnies. Check, Check, Check, Check and Check. Let the gorging commence. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 1, 2013
Note: The fact that my cat is sitting on my head dangling a razor-sharp claw one millimeter from my eyeball is in no way connected to this, my public denunciation of the new TERRIBLE AND MEAN STUDY---no doubt commissioned by THE PRO-DOG LOBBY---suggesting that cats are cold-blooded, torture-loving murderers. You must join me in this denunciation. Please don’t argue, just do it. You have 30 seconds. My cat doesn't bluff.
Days 'til Mardi Gras: 11
Days 'til the Tacoma Craft Beer Festival: 15
Peak horsepower of an Amtrak ACS64 locomotive: 10,000
Peak horsepower of a Toyota Prius: 80
(Source: Fast Company)
Annual revenue the Mexican drug cartels are expected to lose because Colorado and Washington have legalized pot use: $1.4 billion
Number of earthquakes felt in Maine in 2012, the largest of which registered 4.5 on the Richter Scale: 7
(Source: The Portland Press Herald)
Percent chance that if Indy throws Satipo the idol Satipo will throw Indy the whip: 0%
(Source: Raiders of the Lost Ark)
Puppy Pic of the Day: As a bonus, this year's Puppy Bowl has hedgehog cheerleaders…
National Pancake Day.
CHEERS to the wackiest headline of the week. Keep in mind that PPP has gained a hard-earned reputation---even surpassing stalwart Gallup---as the most reliable polling outfit in the universe outside of the Orthlorbk star cluster. Read it, Republicans, and weep:
Hillary could carry Texas in 2016Of course, we're obligated to follow this with the usual reader disclaimer: "Jesus, Bill, it's only 2013, give us a break and shut the fuck up about 2016 already." Followed by the other usual reader disclaimer: "So, uh, what does the poll say about Biden?"
JEERS to upsetting the newbie. Yesterday SecDef nominee Chuck Hagel got grilled by the Senate Angry Old Coot Committee, led by John McCain and Lindsay Graham. (I watched the hearings on the ceiling-mounted TV at the dentist's office while getting my teeth picked over and sandbasted. It helped dull the pain of watching the hearings.) One fresh-faced senator, Maine's "Mustache of Independence," Angus King, got quite an earful as well, but not from Hagel:
leave the room to avoid
strangling John McCain.
Maine Sen. Angus King said he didn't hear anything from Chuck Hagel on Thursday that would disqualify him from being the next secretary of defense despite "overly negative" questioning by several Republicans.It's so cute watching a freshman independent's eyes bug out at the moment he discovers that, no, both sides aren't equally sane. Welcome to reality, sir. Enjoy your stay.
"I thought Republicans were overly negative. I don't know any other way to characterize it," King said in an interview in his Senate office after the Senate Armed Services Committee hearing.
CHEERS to home vegetation. In addition to the Concussion Bowl (more on that below), here's some stuff on TV this weekend. On HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher talks with USA Today's Jackie Kucinich, Eva Longoria, author Sam Harris, Supermayor Cory Booker and documentary filmmaker Alex Gibney. New DVD releases include the animated Hotel Transylvania and the irresistible pairing of the actor Christopher Walken with the movie title Seven Psychopaths. (I hope the soundtrack has enough cowbell.)
And here's your Sunday morning lineup. Let's see if the media gods have shown enough mercy to bestowe upon us a weekend free of John McCain:
Meet the Press: Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Martin Dempsey on Chuck Hagel's challenges after his confirmation; Bob Costas on head injuries caused by guns and football; roundtable with Ralph Reed (why is that disgraced money-changer-in-Christian-clothing still getting airtime?), Ana Navarro, and the David brothers---Brooks and Gibbs.Wow---no McCain sightings. I guess Cindy will have to push him around in a cart while she's shopping. That's amore.
This Week: Lying bastard Harry Reid; disgraced "education reformer" Michelle Rhee gets to hawk her new book with no one to push back; roundtable with Matthew Dowd, Univision anchor Jorge Ramos, Carly "Demon Sheep" Fiorina, Rep. Lou Barletta (R-PA), and Paul Krugman (with one brain lobe tied behind his back to make it a fair intellectual fight).Keynesian Wars II: The Krugman Strikes Back!
Face the Nation: Super Bowl pandering with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Jim Nantz, Phil Simms and Shannon Sharpe.
CNN's State of the Union: Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Martin Dempsey.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: NRA crackpot Wayne LaPierre and Gabby Giffords' husband Capt. Mark Kelly---actual fairness and balancedness!!! Plus roundtable with Nina Easton, Kevin Madden, Laura Ingraham and Evan Bayh.
Five years ago in C&J: February 1, 2008
JEERS to propaganda as usual. Fox News, which was, in effect, an employee of Karl Rove while he was in the White House, is now his employer. I hope they don’t make him wait 90 days before his health insurance kicks in. That always sucks. [2/1/13 Update: Rove botched his 2012 pre-election predictions so badly and embarrassed the network so thoroughly on election night that Roger Ailes booted him off the air. He's already been brought back, though. Slugs have short memories.]
And just one more…
CHEERS to Roman numeral abuse, Version XVIIIIIVXIIIVIIII.0. Not many people know this, but I've predicted every single Super Bowl winner since I was knee-high to Howard Cosell. Last year, for example, I picked the Patriots by 13, and although I haven't checked yet, my gut tells me I was spot-on. Over the decades people have asked, re-asked, begged, pleaded and prayed that I would reveal the secret to my success…all to no avail. But since my heart grew three sizes today (memo to self: schedule appointment with cardiologist), I'm prepared to give you a little peak behind my faux-pigskin prognostication curtain. Here's how I do it:
As you can plainly see from the above, my 2013 prediction is ridiculously easy: Patriots by 13. Oh, and in order to make life easier for the nation's water-management teams, everybody please remember to flush at exactly 7:29:59. Thanks for your cooperation and bwoo-ha-ha.
Have a super weekend---it's the LAW! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?