This is a real article - it did not appear in The Onion, it appears in The New York Times.
A 67 year old Amish man by the name of Samuel Mullet Sr, (really - I'm not making that up) has been convicted for the crime of inflicting unwanted haircuts on other Amish people.
The leader of a dissident Amish sect was sentenced on Friday to 15 years in prison for a series of bizarre beard- and hair-cutting attacks on other Ohio Amish that drew national attention.
The breakaway Amish were convicted last year of multiple counts of conspiracy and hate crimes, which carry harsher punishment than simple assault.
Prosecutors had asked for a life sentence for Mr. Mullet. Defense lawyers claimed the government was blowing out of proportion personal vendettas that Mr. Mullet harbored against former followers and other critics, and thus did not deserve a long sentence.
Followers of Mr. Mullet broke into homes, restrained men and women, and forcibly sheared their victims, sometimes with tools used to clip horse manes.The prosecutor argued for a life sentence saying that the crimes were a product of religious intolerance and deprived the victims of their Constitutional rights. He further argued that the religious symbolism constituted a hate crime.
For Amish, descendants of 18th-century German-speaking immigrants, long beards and flowing women’s hair represent religious devotion and cultural identity.So does this remind you of anyone yet? Sounds just like attacking, forcibly restraining and cutting the hair of someone who was a non-conformist.
Romney was never disciplined, but the recipient of the trim, John Lauber, was later expelled. Back in 1965 he was a shy teen who was teased for "presumed homosexuality." Things got worse when he returned from break with bleached-blond hair that draped over one eye—a look that stood out at Cranbrook, which was largely favored by briefcase-carrying Republicans. According to what Horowitz pieced together:Of course, Mitt Romney was never disciplined, though the victim was eventually expelled. So typical of a member of the 'elite' who got away with impersonating a police officer, assault, tax evasion, everything. Even a member of the Amish religion, which has exclusions from US law, could not escape the long arm of the law for an obscure, Amish-on-Amish crime, and had his day in court and will serve his punishment. But not the privileged Mitt Romney. In his world, the victim gets to be not only victimized, but punished for being the victim by being expelled, and goes on to be Governor, fabulously wealthy, and run for President. At least Americans had the good sense to tell him to go home.“He can’t look like that. That’s wrong. Just look at him!” an incensed Romney told Matthew Friedemann, his close friend in the Stevens Hall dorm, according to Friedemann’s recollection. Mitt, the teenaged son of Michigan Gov. George Romney, kept complaining about Lauber’s look, Friedemann recalled.