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I'm staking my claim before David Letterman inevitably does this bit.  I give you the top 10 reasons why Pope Benedict the whatevereth (aka, Joe Ratzinger) is resigning the papacy.  

10.  Tried to bet the Vatican in Monte Carlo.

9.  Richard Dawkins double-dog-dared him.

8.  Converting to Scientology.

7.  Flowers dying in his presence upset the staff.

6.  The fifth dead hooker was the last straw for his Cardinals.

5.  Plays Emperor Palpatine in flashback scenes of the new Star Wars movie.

4.  White robes and vivisection don't mix.

3.  Came out as Nosferatu.

2.  Dick Cheney is calling in the debt on his soul.

And the number 1 reason why Pope Benedict the Whatevereth is resigning the Papacy...

1.  Penn State had an opening in the administration.

12:39 PM PT: More reasons...

11.  Forming a barbershop quartet with R. Kelly, Roman Polanski, and Silvio Berlusconi.

12.  Launching a line of turbo-charged paper shredders.

13.  Hired a guy named Moe Lester to head the Church's response to abuse scandals.

12:52 PM PT: 14.  To keep his illegitimate children away from priests.

1:34 PM PT: 15.  Giggity.


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