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Time once again to play History: Cruel…or Kind?

Round 1

A mid-winter climate-change rally in Washington D.C. draws an astonishing 40,000+ people, putting pressure on President Obama to say no to the Keystone tar-sands pipeline and ramp up our clean energy program.

History will be kind because the march sends President Obama a strong message that he can unilaterally stop the pipeline from being extended, and the planet will forever be in his debt.

History will be cruel because if you don't bathe in oil you hate America. Besides, everyone knows solar and wind have Marxist tendiencies.

Verdict: History will be KIND. At least until a giant asteroid gets us.

Round 2
148 years after the fact, Mississippi finally files the paperwork making its ratification of the 13th Amendment official.

History will be kind because there's nothing quite as satisfying as crossing "End slavery" off your state's bucket list.

History will be cruel because "Welcome to Mississippi---the Last State to Ratify the Amendment Outlawing Slavery State" looks really terrible on a license plate.

Verdict: History will be CRUEL. Because no one will read this story and not think to themselves, however briefly, "You've got to be shitting me."

Round 3
Sarah Palin plans to make a triumphant return to the spotlight by speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which starts March 14th in the traditional-values heartland of "real America" known, D.C.

History will be kind because The mixed metaphors! The mangled history! The paranoia! The hand notes! What's not to love?

History will be cruel because The mixed metaphors. The mangled history. The paranoia. The hand notes. What's not to not love?

Verdict: History will be KIND. America needs a good chuckle. And also too you betcha history will be very thankful for that fact that Sarah's not over there hot-tubbin' and pallin' around with the Koch brothers in the vice president's residence, one John McCain heartbeat away from being the owner of the "nukular football code unlockin' thingy machine."

Next week: history judges canned soup, koala bear viceroys, and the tribbles that live on Rand Paul's head.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Note: If nominated for the papacy I will not run.  If elected to the papacy, I will not serve.  But I'll gladly take one o' them pointy hats off your hands.


By the Numbers:
Days 'til St. Patrick's Day: 26
Days 'til the 2013 San Diego Bird festival: 9
Cost of building the Navy's order for three Ford-class aircraft carriers (not including the aircraft): $42 billion
Cost of building the Navy's order for 30 Virginia-class attack submarines: $93 billion
(Source: Time)
Maximum speed at which meteors strike the earth: 18,650 mph
Frequency with which a meteor the size of the one that struck Russia last Thursday collides with earth: Every 5 years
(Source: AP)
Percent of women who prefer men with smooth, hairless chests: 80%
(Source: Archive of Sexual Behavior via Details)


Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

If ever there was a NEED for an armed electorate in our post Revolutionary and Civil War history, THAT time is now.  Try as the leftists might; the intent and the message is utterrly clear and, all those who wish to in any way control access to firearms are violatiiong the 2nd amendment and tare GUILTY of violation of their oaths of office to"DEFEND AND UPHOLD THE CONSTITUION OF THE UNITED STATES AGAINST ALL ENEMIES, FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC," BUT, THEY HAVE INSTEAD, BECOME THE DOMESTIC ENEMY SELLING OUT TO THE FOREIGN ONE: THE UNITED NATIONS AND AGENDA 21!
---Commenter Nikita at World Net Daily
All together now: 1…2…3… WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!!!


Puppy Pic of the Day: "It was just a regular old Wednesday…"


JEERS to losing your centses.  Last week President Obama came out publicly in favor of abolishing the penny:

U.S. Penny reverse side with incompleted Capitol building
Removing the Capitol dome
from the penny will make it
lighter and cheaper to make.
"I got to tell you, I don’t know,” Obama said. “It’s one of those things where people get attached emotionally to the way things have been.”

The president said the penny was a good metaphor for other inefficiencies in Washington that become institutionalized.  “Any time we’re spending money on something people aren’t going to use, that’s something that should change.”

Also on the list for extinction: camo Snuggies and the video workout program Sweatin' to the Dirges.

CHEERS to simple answers to burning questions.  Investigators say they finally figured out what caused the fire aboard that eight-story-tall Carnival cruise ship: combustion.  That's why they earn the big bucks.

JEERS to really bad ideas from really good presidents.  On February 19, 1942, President Roosevelt signed the order that would lead to the "relocation" (read: forced detention) of Japanese Americans and Japanese nationals living here.  How do we know it was a really, really bad decision?  Because nutcase Michelle Malkin tinks it was a really, really good decision.  Case closed.

one-time Nebraska Senate hopeful Scott Kleeb (D)
It ain't easy bein' a
handsome cowboy.
CHEERS to pickup opportunities.  When Nebraska GOP Senator Mike Johanns announced he wasn't running for re-election, my first thought was, Mike who???  I guess he's one of the "quiet" senators.  But my second thought was: who should we get to replace him?  My third thought was, Scott Kleeb!  Sadly, Kossack Involuntary Exile delivered the bad news: "I seriously doubt the handsome cowboy will be running for the Senate again. It would make him a three-time loser."  My fourth thought was: if that's true, oh poo!  After that I ran out of thoughts and fell asleep.

JEERS to slowpokery.  On February 19, 1986, the Senate approved a treaty that said genocide---y'know like the Darfur kind---was unacceptable.  What's really amazing is that the treaty was first introduced in 1949...and was signed 37 years after the pact had first been offered up for ratification.  Or, as the Senate call it: the speed of light.

CHEERS to progress.  Yesterday American students spent an average of .001 percent of their time contemplating the meaning of Presidents' Day, exceeding the experts' prediction of .0001 percent.  In fairness, it was largely due to publicity surrounding yesterday's Xbox 360 release: Mortal Kombat: Buchanan-Fillmore Cage Match.


Five years ago in C&J: February 19, 2008

BON VOYAGE to the li'l traveler.  President Bush embarked on a trip to Africa Friday (his approval numbers immediately shot up to 30 percent).  USA Today reported that Africa is "a continent that's been at the forefront of his 'compassionate conservative' agenda since 2003."  It sure would be nice if he put us on that list.

CHEERS to hasty departures.  After only 49 years of iron-fisted rule, Cuban dictator Fidel Castro is stepping down.  His brother, Raul, will officially get the keys to the presidential 1955 Chevy.  Oh, a word to the tenants of the Happy Havana Retirement Home: if you find yourself playing shuffleboard with a sickly old bearded man in a Spandex track suit...let him win. [2/19/13 Update: Fidel is still alive and kickin'.  Specifically, kickboxing, on account of shuffleboard wasn't toning his glutes enough.]


And just one more...

CHEERS to Billy's Guide to Shutting Up an Idiot.  Attention, ignorant right-wingers: if you choose to engage me on twitter, prepare to be laid low.  Last week some anonymous moron informed me that "Freedom of religion is under attack by Obama and the Christians are the ones that are in his way right now. Not Muslim."  As an example, he tweeted: "Restricted what prayer if any you can use at a military funeral."  When I asked for proof, he sent me this video with the message (yes, all caps): "MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK THIS OUT.MILITARY CHAPLAINS RESTRICTED!!"

President Obama and the First Lady meet Pope Benedict XVI.
Obama's attacks on religion are so
effective he got the Pope to resign!
(Source: Twitchywingnutipedia)
So I checked that video out.  After wiping the melodrama off my screen, I looked up the talking heads in it, and they all have unflattering pages dedicated to them at Right Wing Watch.  So I did a little more Googling and The New York Times informed me that the law that got Mr. Rightwinger's undies in a twist…the law that he claimed proved Barack Obama was attacking religion in general and Christians in particular…was enacted under President George W. Bush in 2007.  I tweeted back:
So freedom of religion was really under attack not by Obama but by Bush. This is why fact-checking is important.
The '07 Bush law was enacted to give grieving families a say on whether or not they wanted religion in their funerals. Good law!
Oh my, did it get silent fast.  He cut and ran.  I forged his signature on the surrender papers from the deck of a battleship.  I eagerly await my next victim.

Have a nice Tuesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

The Obama administration is planning a decade-long scientific effort to examine the workings of Bill in Portland Maine's brain and build a comprehensive map of its inactivity.  The project, which could ultimately cost one dollar, is expected to be part of the president’s budget proposal next month.
---John Markoff


By a show of hand, do you favor Republican Sen. Lindsay Graham's insistence that $1.2 trillion in Affordable Care Act funding be slashed to preserve military spending when the sequester hits?

1%50 votes
0%4 votes
97%4782 votes
1%52 votes
0%9 votes

| 4897 votes | Vote | Results

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