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"Just reminding you that a fucking 10,000 ton meteor shot down at 40,000 mph and exploded over Russia with the energy of 30 atomic bombs." William Nye

"Bro, seriously. If you don’t convert to our peaceful religion to embrace love and compassion, we’re gonna fuck you up." Sister Teresa

"Ask yourself, are there people on earth you sincerely like less than Big League Chew? Yeah. I had a bunch of em too. That's fucked up." Oprah Winfrey

"Putting all the king's horses and all the king's men on egg-repair seems like a faulty defense plan." John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Kidnapping random daughters and sending them to Liam Neeson just to stay on his good side." Vladimir Putin

"The existence of Royal Dark Cadbury Mini Eggs makes me grateful Jesus was murdered." Hillary Clinton

"Earth is the only known planet with free wifi." Stephen Hawking


"Now that I'm 50 I would like a job solving mysteries please. Bonus if I can do it without pants." Michael Jordan

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