**Triggering
"...now I'm in "that" place - and the memories are washing over me like a tidal wave"
You may recall, I had previously written about an email I received which began "You are nothing but a liar and an opportunist." Well, I hadn't heard from my sister since then...
...until yesterday.
I received an email from my sister which I won't republish as I don't have her permission - but I will post my response to her below (I have redacted my sibling's names for their protection). While somewhat cathartic to write, it is extremely painful as well because now I'm in "that" place - and the memories are washing over me like a tidal wave. And while tears provide some relief to the pain I'm experiencing, there is added pain as well. Because I know what I wrote will hurt her. I've spent my whole life trying to protect her. And I have failed - I failed as a child and I have failed as an adult. There are no words for the level of grief I am experiencing right now.
I don't have a sister, remember? Or where you emailing me drunk back in October and November? Here let me refresh your memory:
"You are nothing but a liar and an opportunist."
"Do not ever talk about me ever again. You don't have a sister."
"Do not contact me or my children ever again."
"OUR" Mother? My mother and father never called me a liar. Talk to dad today. He knows the truth but you dont want the truth. You want to pretend it didnt happen. But it did. I was a child, [Name redacted - sister]. And that fucking asshole ripped my life apart. I had no defenses against him. He was a grown up. I was a small little girl.
Did you know that fucking asshole - your beloved grandfather - fucked each of us even in death? DO YOU KNOW HE LEFT MOM NOTHING?
Why don't you do a little research [sister]. [Name Redacted - brother] got EVERYTHING. It devastated mom. But no you want to live in your "perfect little drunken world" and pretend we had a fairy book childhood.
That fucking piece of shit raped his daughter FOR YEARS and then raped his grand-daughters FOR YEARS. And then, when he died? He cut mom out of his will. He left her nothing. [Brother] gave it back to her because he felt so bad. How's your hero - your "Paw-Paw" look to you now?
How dare you tell me I am a liar. I have paid every day for his sins. I can't get the water hot enough or scrub quite deep enough to wash away the filth - to wash away what he did to me.
Go back to your drunken stupor since that's your coping mechanism. But leave me the fuck alone. You don't get the right to call me a liar.
You wanted to hurt me? Congratulations. You succeeded. Now leave me alone.
Child sexual abuse rips families apart. It has ripped my family apart.