In this post, we're featuring the first four matchups from the Teabagger Region. Simply click on the links below to cast your votes for the person you think is the best poster child for what's wrong with the GOP and the conservative movement. Votes will be counted until at least 8:30 AM ET on Friday. Tomorrow we'll vote on the rest of the Teabagger Region matchups ahead of this weekend's second round action.
Here are the matchups today's round of Teabagger Region action:
- #1 Ted Cruz vs. #16 Rick Perry: They say "Don't Mess with Texas" but in this round we're Messin' with Texans. The #16 seed, Rick Perry, became famous when he suggested that his home state might secede from the union, which would probably be okay with #1 seed Ted Cruz because Cruz was born in Calgary, Canada. (He was, but we're just kidding, of course: Cruz is every bit a natural born citizen—just ask Donald Trump.) Perry became infamous when he couldn't remember his policies during a debate, punctuating his brain fart with a hapless exclamation of "Ooops!" Cruz is a Harvard-educated lawyer who rails against the elite intellectual establishment, which he accuses of Communism and other assorted offenses against Liberty and Freedom and Mankind. Cruz would be equally at home in the theocons or teabaggers region, as would Perry. They are both lovers of Freedom: The Freedom to impose their will on you. Vote here!
- #8 Herman Cain vs. #9 Jim DeMint: Herman Cain and Sen. Jim DeMint are a study in opposites. Cain is a former businessman who left the private sector to make more money as a politician. DeMint is a former politician who left elected office to make more money as a private citizen. But one thing certainly unites them: neither of them would know a good pizza if it slapped them across the face. Vote here!
- #5 Ken Cucinelli vs. #12 Joe Arpaio: Ken Cucinelli and Joe Arpaio are both law enforcement officers: Cucinelli as state attorney general in Virginia and Arpaio as sheriff of Maricopa County in Arizona. But despite being responsible for enforcing the law, they are both more interested in using their positions to pursue a political agenda than actually pursuing justice. Fortunately, neither one of them is particularly effective: Cucinelli's claim to fame is being on the losing side of the Obamacare ruling and Arpaio was last seen trying to convince a crowd that he had proof that President Obama was born in Kenya. Vote here!
- #4 Michele Bachmann vs. #13 Allen West: Okay, this is a totally unfair matchup. Two of the biggest lunatics ever to serve in Congress, and they meet in the first round. If West hadn't lost after just one term, he'd be a higher seed, but he did lose, and so he's stuck with lucky #13. Let's hope Bachmann suffers the same fate in 2014. Vote here!
We'll announce the winners tomorrow, but you can check the latest numbers at any time just by visiting the polling page.
Don't forget, voting continues in first round day action in the GOP establishment region!