It's time to choose. This website has officially been secular from its beginnings, with any and all discussions of individual religions, whether positive or negative, actively encouraged. But it's time for us to choose an official religion, as some of the best ones are already being taken.
I'd like to be the first to make a suggestion, and the suggestion I have is that we choose to be:
That's right, that old and storied religion practiced by some of the world's foremost philosophers, scientists, and comedians. The members of this community would not have to be Jewish (you wouldn't even have to really like Jews all that much), but all would benefit from the site adopting Judaism as its official religion in many, many ways:
1) We'd get good holidays. We could celebrate Purim and Hanukah right here on DailyKos. We could livestream Kol Nidre. Basically keep the more interesting stuff, dump the boring stuff. We also would get to have a giant party in 2016 (our Bar Mitzvah)!
2) We'd be a funnier site. Gentiles have fine senses of humor, and can laugh as much as anybody. But the jokes they laugh at are almost universally written by Jewish people. From vaudeville and the Marx Brothers to Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Jerry Lewis, Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld and I could go on - basically every single famous funnyman or woman was (at least half) Jewish. The general rule of thumb is that Jews are about 2% of the population, and non-Jews are about 2% of comedians.
3) We'd complain about everything as we do now, but we'd be more emotional about it. And it would be called "kvetching". Kos would say things like "stop your kvetching, pishers". GBCW diaries would be renamed EAWAICL, which stands for "Enough Already, What Am I, Chopped Liver?"
4) The site would not actually have to believe in God. Only a small percentage of Jews do believe in God (and the rest mock them for it).
5) We'll be able to negotiate much lower subscription fees. Kos wouldn't stand a chance. The flip side for him is that if this were a Jewish site he'd be able to raise a ton of money from wealthy Jews looking for promising Jewish causes to support (such as Sheldon Adelson).
6) There will be more sex had on the site. There is no problem with it in Judaism, in fact it is always encouraged. Anything goes, as far as I know. Modern Christianity, Catholicism, and Islam are really lagging in this particular category. Atheists also have a lot of sex (but it ain't pretty). Also, this website would not have any foreskin. And lastly,
7) we could openly tell Jewish jokes around here without any risk of offending anyone, since we're Jewish!
Well, there you have it. Perhaps there are other, more worthy suggestions. Perhaps someone wants to make the case for Rastafarianism, or Born-Again Evangelism. May the best one win.