Audience on The View applauded a bowl of potato chips. North Korea might have a pretty good shot at taking us down after all.
I used to hate mainstream politics. Hate. White hot blinding hatred. Boiling contempt. Now I get incredibly high and do this.
Apparently people have these things called “feelings” and my words can hurt them. Humans are weird.
The 80's were a strange time for both black and white people. Between crack and Matthew Broderick seeming "cool", I don't know who had it worse.
You can usually get out of an annoying conversation if you whisper “Hail Satan” while the other person is talking.
I read Jenna Jameson was arrested by "citizen's arrest" and all I'm thinking is "all this time I could have just handcuffed and arrested Jenna Jameson?"
At my wedding my bride and I will dance to the theme from "Night Court" and that's it.
My future career goal is to have a job where I can answer the phone with "Alright, now what the fuck do you want?!"