From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
As crazy as Washington is these days, at least the batty Republican bills are being kept at bay by the Senate and, if necessary, the president's veto pen. But in GOP-controlled state legislatures, it's dumbstick central, like this North Carolina gem that got the green light from a senate committee:
of GOP brain cells.
The plan is for welfare applicants in North Carolina to foot the $100 or more for the [mandatory drug] testing upfront, then get reimbursed if they passed. WRAL says no one could say where the money for reimbursements would come from. […]Please update your definition of "smaller government" to include peeing in a cup for Nurse Ratched if you happen to be down and out in North Carolina. And have a nice day.
"You're OK with (drug users) getting federal dollars if they've had a doobie and get the munchies and need more food stamps?" [GOP state Senator Tommy] Tucker asked.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Note: The Payson Park Penis Painting Festival planned for this weekend has been cancelled on account of what the city calls "decency laws." We regret the inconvenience. ---Mgt.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Tax Day: 5 (6 in Maine and Massachusetts)
Days 'til the Fishermen's Festival in Boothbay Harbor, featuring the famous cod fish relay race: 16
President Obama's approval rating in the new CNN poll: 51%
Congressional Republicans' approval rating in the poll: 25%
Percent of women who believe they have a personal responsibility to help those worse off than they are: 42%
Percent of men who believe the same thing: 27%
(Source: Harper's Index)
Percent chance that I believe Ben Bernanke when he says bank "stress tests" will help prevent an economic catastrophe when the next bubble bursts: 8%
Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 5 Global Turmoils and 1 papal recreation of Marilyn Monroe standing over a steam grate). Soul Protection Factor 4 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Have you hugged your local game warden lately?
CHEERS to locking and loading. Two apparently big guns crafting responsible firearms ownership legislation appear to be ready to fire the starting pistol:
(Drunk artist rendering)
Sen. Pat Toomey is close to a deal with Sen. Joe Manchin on background checks for gun show and Internet gun sales, his office said Tuesday night.I'm also hearing that Republicans won't have enough votes to launch a filibuster, so that obnoxious hurdle appears to be disappearing. By the way, Toomey and Manchin plan to start their presser this morning with a few light jokes. You might say they'll be pistols at dawn.
A Toomey spokesperson on Tuesday told NBC News that the two senators have agreed on all but the final details of a compromise. Manchin told reporters Tuesday that the compromise would close the gun show loophole by mandating background checks for those transactions and also require background checks for all Internet gun sales.
JEERS to the Littlest Dicktator. North Korea says its missiles are loaded. And judging by his erratic and clumsy behavior, so is their leader.
JEERS to Bill in Portland Maine & Common Sense Mainer. They're taking me to the vet today to get me carved up like a Christmas ham and end my ability to extend my family line. Damn them. Damn them to hell forever. Or at least until the next time they feed me, in which case I LOVE MY DADDIES I LOVE MY DADDIES!!!!! But not today. Oh, definitely not today.Seventeen weeks old and already a drama queen.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. The Los Angeles Times asks: Did Margaret Thatcher diss Sarah Palin?
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
CHEERS to saving the best for last. The men having gotten their silly little Nerf basketball tournament out of the way Monday, last night it was time for the rock 'em, sock 'em finale: the Women's Division I NCAA Battle Royale. And the champs are the UConn Huskies, in a 93-60 chomp-a-stomp over Louisville. And now that this year's March Madness is all over, it's time to take the final step: you must print out your brackets and eat them. [MunchMunchMunch…gulp!] We'll speak no more of it.
JEERS to a teeny tiny little oversight. It's bad enough that the most sophisticated technology the oil companies have for cleaning up from pipeline breaks is paper towels. But now Big Oil's cousin, Nukular, is creating a bit of a radioactive stir over this:
All 104 nuclear power reactors now in operation in the United States have a safety problem that cannot be fixed and they should be replaced with newer technology, the former chairman of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission said on Monday. Shutting them all down at once is not practical, he said, but he supports phasing them out rather than trying to extend their lives.A spokesman for the nuclear industry lobby responded by saying, "Nothing to see here, everything's fine, go back to your homes, please move along." It probably would've sounded more credible if he hadn’t slurred it through the tentacle where his face used to be.
JEERS to non-refundable tickets. On April 10, 1912, the unsinkable RMS Titanic set off for New York from Southampton, England. That cruise turned out to be a disaster. The caviar was much too salty.
Five years ago in C&J: April 10, 2008
CHEERS to John and Jane Q. Public. A USA Today/Gallup poll shows that 60 percent of your neighbors want Congress to establish a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq...and stick to it no matter what happens in Iraq. Your assignment: find the 40 percent that don’t. And check their pulse.
JEERS to Kellogg, Brown & Root. Another female employee of the controversial private contractor (and former Halliburton-Cheney subsidiary) has come forward to say that male thugs of the company raped her in Iraq. A KBR spokesman says that, in light of the growing scandal, they intend to deal with the problem quickly and decisively. Starting today all female employees overseas will be issued chastity belts. How thoughtful.
And just one more…
(Photo by BlueJessamine)
Have a jotterrrrrrific Wednesday! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:-
Whah? Did anyone know there was a made-for-TV movie made about that Bill in Portland Maine guy back in 2009?