Skip to main content





Remember to follow @DailyKosComics !

[manically cute, cartoon blob of oil, happy, upbeat, fast-talking]

Hello, America!  And by "America," I mean North America!

I'm Tar Sands Timmy, your friend from Alberta, Canada-- here to tell you everything is comin' up crude!

(Or bitumen, whatever.)

I'm the crudest crude there is!  [buuurp]  But I'm your ticket to energy independence, ah, really!  [lying]

All we have to do is . . .

[long run-on sentence list, happy, let yourself run out of breath]
Rrrrape the Boreal Forests, strip mine the land, pump tons and tons of water, boil it all up with secret chemicals, produce three times the greenhouse gas emissions, add to the seventy-square miles of toxic tailing ponds, and [big, sucking breath]

. . . get the stuff to market!  Simple, eh?  

It's the "getting the stuff to market" part where you United Statesians come in!

I need a pipeline!

And the enviro-hippies on the West and East coasts won't have it . . .

So I'm headed South!

The Keystone XL pipeline will get Tar Sands Timmy all the way down to Port Arthur, Texas-- where there happen to be oil tankers a-plenty!

But don't worry-- all this oil is for you, not for export.  Promise!  (Never mind the tankers.)

All we need to do to make this pipeline happen is convince President Obama and John Kerry!  

Which is why my oily Alberta friends are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on lobbyists . . . who happen to have worked on the Obama and Kerry campaigns!

See, this isn't about oil company profits, I'm just trying to bring jobs to the United States!

Jobs in the hundreds of thousands, er, thousands, er hundreds-- er, maybe thirty-five permanent jobs.  But jobs!

And spills?  What could possibly go wrong?  Why, ExxonMobil just won the "Green Cross for Safety" medal!

(Never mind the spill in Arkansas, or the spill in the Yellowstone River, or that spill in the Kalamazoo River, or the spill in Minnesota, or the spill in-- well-- those don't matter!)

What matters is-- I'm Tar Sands Timmy and I need a pipeline!  

Your friend to the North needs to get South!  Anchors Awayyyy!  [buuurp]

Originally posted to Comics on Fri Apr 12, 2013 at 06:50 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site