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“Cellar door” is supposedly the best sounding combination of 2 words in the English language. My personal favorite is “bootyhole casserole.”

Saw a new Yellow Pages on my doorstep. A little voice inside my head said, "Don't look back/ You can never look back."

The Obama budget calls for a minimum wage of $9/hr. AND, an upgrade of Subway worker titles to "Sandwich ARTISTE."

If you drink 5 Monster Energy drinks you'll be able to throw a rock through the moon. It's proven energy drink science.

Before you start complaining about your job, take a moment to realize there’s a Mexican woman with a donkey penis in her mouth right now.

“Haha! Looking great man! That walking on water trick never gets old. Wooooo!”

turns to other Apostle

“I think I fucking hate that guy.”

I'm memorizing War and Peace with hope, at the time of my inevitable murder, I get the chance to answer the question 'any last words?'

I have a plastic pitcher full of leftover mac and cheese if anybody wants to get weird tonight.



What kind of fucking moron answers a rhetorical question?

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