Every day is a new day and with that, a new opportunity.
EVERYONE is welcome and please join us each morning at 7:30 AM PACIFIC
to tell us what you're working on, share your show & tell, vent, whatever you want...
...this is an open thread. Nothing is off topic.
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Who do people think you are? What's your status? Who do you think you are?
What a difference a year can make! This past year was one of those very intense, gut-wrenching years for me and smileycreek. In just two days, on April 20th, we'll be celebrating the one-year anniversary of the last day of my 35 radiation treatments. We were very excited about it then. It turned out that was only the beginning of the hardship of our cancer treatment. Things got much worse for a few months for me after that date.
Just this past Saturday I had a real metaphysical experience. For some reason I became acutely aware that I didn't remember much of any of it at all. Perhaps it is just due to the one-year mark being here since the end of my treatment. Maybe it's because we are really working a lot in our garden this year after having to just let it all go last year, but something triggered a deeply profound realization for me.
There are some very poignant moments I do remember from that entire time, but those were only when I had felt intense emotions at the time. We all know we remember events much better if there is a strong emotional component.
Another thing that happened last Saturday was I could smell something I hadn't been able to smell. It was the smell of some barbeque coming from somewhere. Until that moment I didn't even really know that I couldn't smell that. Another thing happened as well...for the first time since my chemotherapy, I could see objects in my house like they were before. I kept saying to smileycreek, "I can smell!," and "This is how things really look around here!"
I know she felt deepest compassion for my grief in this realization and my awakening. She is just that way...always.
The most significant thing however was being able to "feel" again. A rush of realization came on about how I hadn't been able to feel anything at all like I used to before. I've truly felt disconnected. Smileycreek told me that is exactly her experience of me as well. I've just been missing.
Where?
I wondered where I had been all this time. I simply don't remember most of at least 8 months of this past year. She played songs for me that people sent, by her request, prior to my treatment to make my "healing playlist." I do remember that that happened. As she did, she asked me to tell her who had sent each of the songs I was listening to. I couldn't remember with the exception of guessing correctly a song sent by princesspat because it was a western song. I couldn't even identify the song she put in that playlist nor the song I'd chosen.
How baffling.
I know I had a bizarre and quite rare response to the chemotherapy. And I know the effects of all that radiation caused cognitive and memory problems as well. I know I developed severe sleep apnea from all the swelling in my throat which caused a precipitous drop of blood oxygen levels at night that only compounded the trouble my brain had functioning properly. And I know the effects of morphine for weeks and weeks also causes memory loss, which is the purpose of taking it as much as for pain suppression. Frankly, it didn't do much at all for me abating the physical pain. Because of that, I quit taking it cold turkey after six weeks.
This past weekend, I felt how extremely isolated I'd been because I couldn't remember most of all of it and I was suddenly aware of that. I've been missing for so long both for others, especially smileycreek...and missing for me too.
I know I screwed up big time at times during it all. I know I was really weird for a long, long time. I actually fell into a depression that lasted the weekend as the enormity of all of this struck me.
Well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This realization triggered me into wondering who am I (you know, nothing heavy or anything). I also was really able to feel like I hadn't been able to since I had my chemotherapy on March 16th of last year.
Then the subject of status came to me. I spent hours lost pondering it all...and feeling.
You know how you go to a gathering or party and folks you don't know start asking you questions like where are you from?...and what college did you go to?...and what do you do?...and who are you with?
It's all about being sized up so you can be placed where you belong as determined by others. It's just so darn important for so many to put you in whatever place of status they need to in order for them to know where they rank themselves in relationship to you and others...at least as far as they understand things to be. That always causes us to feel defensive as though we have to convince them of something...like we have prove we have some actual worth to people asking all those questions.
So odd and uncomfortable.
And you know how you meet people in situations like that and no matter what you do for a living, or where you're from, or what you've done, or who you're with...they make you feel at ease? All that status stuff is unimportant to them. They see you for who you really are, not just someone to be placed in the right pecking order as they see it. They like and accept you just because you are there and are engaging and talking with them. They simply have interest in you because that's what they do.
That always feels so good.
Feeling all this I came to understand that I've always actually felt some kind of lack of acceptance of myself deep down for some reason. I don't know why. It doesn't make any real sense at all.
And I realized that for some reason I felt like I'd failed because I disassociated from my body when I had so much pain day after day after day during my treatment. I don't know why. Smileycreek told me that was not only normal but that I didn't have a choice in doing that. She's right...none of has a choice when we are in pain like that. It just happens, that's all.
The thing is, however, though it seemed like I was escaping all the physical pain to some extent by withdrawing from my body and the world...you never can escape the pain. There is no escape. Escape is an illusion.
Now, I'm feeling the pain, and it isn't physical. It's much deeper. There are no shortcuts. All I did was trade pain in real time for the pain I'm starting to feel now.
Why is it...like this..always?
It's no big deal...just something we all deal with is all. But in moments of clarity...in Time of Useful Consciousness...who are you?
So, do you simply accept others or rank them by status?
I want to know are you someone or not?
Latest Updates on Kossack Regional Meet-Up News Below the New Day sunrise cloud
:: COMMUNITY BUILDING UPDATES ::
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Let's build communities!
Every region needs a meatspace community like SFKossacks.
We take care of each other in real life.
I urge YOU to take the lead and organize one in your region.
Please tell us about it if you do and we're here for advice.
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THINK GLOBALLY, ACT LOCALLY
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Click >>>HERE to see a list of all the regional Kossack groups that have organized for social and activism events. There are handy links to contact each organizer to join.
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>>>Instructions on HOW TO FORM A NEW DAILY KOS GROUP
:: Events Currently on the Books for ALL Kossacks ::
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Friday, April 19th
Kansas & Missouri Kossacks Meet-up
TIME: TBD
LOCATION: Springfield Brewing Company
305 South Market Street • Springfield
ORGANIZER: Send tmservo433 a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. tmservo433
2. ladypockt
3. durrati
4.
5.
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Maybees: |
Latest diary: Springfield, Missouri Get Together 4/19
Saturday, April 20th
New England Kossacks Meet-up
TIME: 11:30 AM
LOCATION: Silly's
40 Washington Ave • Portland, ME
ORGANIZER: Send nhox42 at yahoo dot com an email to attend.
RSVPs:
1. nhox42
2. commonmass
3. Debbie in ME
4. bluesheep
5. The Marti
6. JBL55
7. Mr. L
8. Jane in Maine
9.
10.
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Maybees:
AnotherMassachusettsLiberal
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Latest diary: 4/20 Portland, ME Kossack meetup! (4/12 Update)
Saturday, April 20th
Houston Area Kossacks Early Dinner Meet-up
TIME: 4:00 PM
LOCATION: Field of Greens
2320 West Alabama Street • Houston
ORGANIZER: Send Chrislove a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. Chrislove
2. nomandates
3. suesue
4. Mr. suesue (honorary Kossack)
5. cosette
6. Crabby Abbey
7. disconnect the dots
8. krwheaton
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Maybees: |
Latest diary: Houston Area Kossacks: Meet-Up Scheduled for Saturday, April 20!
Saturday, April 20th
Chicago Kossacks Celebrate Earth Day
TIME: Morning, see diary below for details
LOCATION: The Heller Nature Center
2821 Ridge Road • Highland Park
Followed by pizza at broths & Mr. broths home.
ORGANIZER: Send figbash a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. figbash
2. broths
3. Mr. broths
4. Chitown Kev
5. MillieNeon
6. Railfan
7. NormAl
8. winifred3
9. Arlene
10. Empower Ink
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Maybees:
bsmechanic
Tim Delaney
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Latest diary: Last Call - Chicago Kossacks Occupy Earth Day
Saturday, April 20th
LA Kossacks Monthly Meet-up with Guest Speaker, Daily Kos Featured Writer, Dante Atkins
TIME: 2:00 PM
LOCATION: Casey's Irish Pub
613 S Grand Ave. • Los Angeles
ORGANIZER: Send Dave in Northridge a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. Dave in Northridge
2. Shockwave
3. Dante Atkins
4. jakedog42
5. SanFernandoValleyMom
6. Gay CA Democrat
7. susans
8. 714day
9. otoelbc
10. jared the bass player
11. CSPAN Junkie
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Maybees:
ducktape
poopdogcomedy
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Latest diary: LA Kossacks: REMINDER! April 20 at Casey's, 2 PM
Saturday, April 20th
Dkos Asheville's First Meet-up
TIME: 1:00 PM
LOCATION: The Bywater
796 Riverside Dr. • Asheville
ORGANIZER: Send randallt a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. randallt
2. davehouck
3. Otteray Scribe
4. eeff
5. people power granny
6. Joieau
7. LamontCranston
8. cultjake
9. GordonNC (UID 5123 & City Councilman)
10. DawnN
11. SteelerGrrl
12. SteelerDude
13. Captain Sham
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14. Sandy on Signal
15. gulfgal98
16. gigihopes
17. Jeff Messer, local radio host - 880 AM
18. Audri
19. Mr. A
20. Munchkn
21. Burns Lass
Maybees:
polecat
alicia (plus two)
Nic Goodman
ecthompson
emmasnacker
TexDem
VeloVixen
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Latest diary:Dkos Asheville Open Thread
From randallt: "DKos Asheville is hosting a meet up and we've managed to cast a wide net! Asheville NC is the epicenter of cool progressive in the heart of the mountains and we have folks traveling from Eastern Tennessee, the Southern Highlands and Charlotte. So don't let the distance keep you away, come to Asheville, sign up today! You know you want to."
Sunday, April 21st
Southern Cal Inland Empire Kossacks Meet-up
TIME: 12:30 PM
LOCATION: Eureka!Burger (menu)
345 West Pearl Avenue #130 • Redlands
ORGANIZER: Send SoCaliana kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. SoCaliana
2. pucklady
3. Unbozo
4. RedlandsDem
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Maybees:
Jakedog42 |
Latest diary: So Cal IE Meetup: April 21st, 2013
Sunday, April 28th
NYC Kossacks Brunch and a Show!
ORGANIZER: Send sidnora a kosmail to attend.
Brunch:
TIME: Noon (with Show at 3PM)
LOCATION: Whym
889 9th Avenue (between 57th & 58th) • NYC
RSVPs:
1. sidnora
2. Denise Oliver Velez, Guest of Honor
3. devtob
4. LuLu
5. MBNYC
6. friends of LuLu
7. mconvente
8. joanbrooker
9. kathny
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Maybees:
belinda ridgewood
thankgodforairamerica
kathny |
Theater:
TIME: 3:00 PM
LOCATION: The Vivian Beaumont Theater
150 West 65th St. (Broadway) • NYC
RSVPs:
1. sidnora
2. Denise Oliver Velez, Guest of Honor
3. devtob
4. LuLu
5. MBNYC
6. friends of LuLu
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Maybees: |
Latest diary: NY Metro Meetup: Theater Party, Sunday 4/28!!
Saturday, June 1st
Atlanta Area Kossacks Kick-off Meet-up
TIME: 2:30 PM
LOCATION: Manuel's Tavern
602 N Highland Avenue Northeast • Atlanta
ORGANIZER: Send racheltracks a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. One Pissed Off Liberal
2. racheltracks
3. annrose
4. nawlinscate
5. Burned
6. treesrock
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Maybees:
pragmaticidealist
xxdr zombiexx
eeff
Ashaman
lam2b2g
foresterbob
Lily O Lady
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Latest diary: Atlanta Meet-Up
New York Hudson Valley Kossacks
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boran2
DATE TBD
NY Hudson Valley Kossacks' First Meet-up
TIME: TBD
LOCATION: Hudson House
2 Main Street • Cold Spring, NY
ORGANIZER: Send boran2 a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. boran2
2. thankgodforairamerica
3. betson08 (if event is in April)
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Maybees: |
Latest diary: [Waiting for linked diary]
June 20th - 23rd • REGISTER HERE • BOOK YOUR HOTEL!
Wednesday, June 19th
Cheers & Jeers-* New Day * Dinner
TIME: 5:30 PM
LOCATION: The Brit (Britannia Arms)
173 W. Santa Clara St. (walking distance from Conv. Center) • Downtown San Jose
Every year since 2007, Common Sense Mainer has organized a dinner for the readers of Cheers & Jeers who attend Netroots Nation. It has grown every year. Last year we had over 100 Kossacks attend. CSM always chooses a restaurant willing to handle a large crowd WITH SEPARATE CHECKS. (!?!) Yes, I know, hard to believe but it's worked the last several years. This year CSM has negotiated with The Brit for a special menu and separate checks are secured. If you'd like to join us please leave a comment in this diary and you'll be put on the RSVP list below. This year * New Day * and SFKossacks are co-hosting. All regional groups are invited to attend in addition to the loyal C&J following that Bill and Michael have.
ORGANIZER: Send navajo a kosmail to attend or leave a comment.
The plenary table list below will also be the RSVP list for this event. Dinner attendees will have an asterisk by their name.
Wednesday, June 19th
Liquid Courage party to open NN13
Our friends at the Courage Campaign have announced that they’re throwing a party to open Netroots Nation 2013. Gov. Howard Dean will be there!
TIME: 7:30 - 9:30 PM
LOCATION: The Tech Museum
201 South Market St. (walking distance from Conv. Center) • Downtown San Jose
Arrive early on Wednesday to pick up your credentials at the Convention Center which will get you into the Liquid Courage event.
Netroots Nation 2013 in San Jose: Plenary Session Table Reservations
SFKossacks:
1. side pocket *
2. mrs. side pocket *
3. kimoconnor *
4. citisven
5. lineatus
6. Cali Scribe
7. Glen the Plumber *
8. remembrance *
9. jotter *
10. aha aha *
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SFKossacks:
1. Lusty *
2. RainyDay *
3. norm *
4. boran2 (Honorary)
5. Lorikeet *
6. madhaus
7. boatsie
8. maggiejean *
9. paradise50 *
10. smileycreek *
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SFKossacks:
1. Kamakhya
2. dharmasyd
3. Ebby
4. Bustergirl
5. BeninSC (Honorary)
6. sfbaytransplant
7. Senor Unoball
8. paradox
9. slouching
10. shanikka
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SFKossacks:
1. edrie
2. Jeff in CA
3. Mrs. Jeff in CA
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Native American Netroots:
1. navajo *
2. Meteor Blades
3. 4Freedom * (maybe)
4. no way lack of brain
5. translatorpro
6. Kitsap River
7. Charles Curtis Stanley
8. TheFatLadySings
9. TFLS's guest
10. TFLS's guest
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Central Valley Kossacks:
1. tgypsy
2. Kestrel
3. Caddis Fly
4. Sychotic1
5. peregrine kate (honorary)
6. ProvokingMeaning (honorary)
7. mrsgoo * (mrgoo *)
8.
9.
10.
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Lone Star Kossacks:
1. nomandates *
2. texasmom *
3. texasdad *
4. doraphasia
5. krwheaton
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Los Angeles Kossacks:
1. Shockwave
2. jakedog42 *
3. susans *
4. murphy
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
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NYC and beyond:
1. sidnora *
2. belinda ridgewood *
3. belinda ridgewood's guest
4. Jimdotz
5. theroaringgirl
6. thankgodforairamerica
7. hayden
8.
9.
10.
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Community Quilt Project:
1. Sara R
2. winglion
3. loggersbrat
4. ramara (Arizona)
5. Horace Boothroyd III
6. linkage
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Military Community Members:
1. DaNang65
2. drnatrl
3. angelajean (Maybe)
4. exlrrp (Maybe)
5. ccasas
6. llbear (Maybe)
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Cheers & Jeers Readers:
1. vicki
2. Sharoney
3. Spousal Unit
4. brillig *
5. mik *
6. K1 *
7. cskendrick
8. Arenosa *
9.
10.
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Gay Men of ANY Certain Age:
1. gizmo59
2. gizmo59's partner?
3. Dave in Northridge *
4. Steveningen
5. scaboni?
6. cooper888
7. gotmooned
8. FogCityJohn
9. slksfca
10.
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Misc Kossacks, new tables?:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Community Quilt Project NN13 Flash Mob Photo
smileycreek is organizing and asking all Community Quilt recipients to bring their quilts to NN13. We'll assemble at a pre-designated location and time for a group photo with one of the NN13 professional photographers. It will be a group hug celebrating one of the most beloved community building projects we have here at Daily Kos with Sara R and winglion at the center of it. navajo and Glen the Plumber are going to scout out and select a location in advance for all to meet with their quilts for a memorable photo opportunity. Stay tuned.
Date: TBD Time: TBD
1. paradise50
2. Dave in Northridge
3. remembrance
4. BeninSC
5. mimi
6. cskendrick
7. DaNang65
8. llbear (not attending, quilt only)
9. Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse (may not attend)
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10. Smoh (not attending, quilt only)
11. slksfca
12. belinda ridgewood
13. Ebby
14. Bustergirl
15. Kitsap River
16. Charles Curtis Stanley
17. Dr. Lori (not attending, quilt only)
18. MsSpentYouth
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June 27- June 30th
Glacier National Park Kossack EPIC Meetup!
TIME: 24/7
LOCATION: Glacier National Park
402 9th St W • Columbia Falls, Montana
ORGANIZER: Send arizonablue a kosmail to attend.
RSVPs:
1. BlueJessamine
2. arizonablue
3. Mr.arizonablue
4. Truman
5. Ojibwa - arriving for the weekend
6. MTmofo
7. figbash!
8. spottedbear
9. jakedog42
10. Oke
11. cooltraveler
12. Mr.cooltraveler
13. state of confusion
14. Lute the Norwegian
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15. Josh Blue
16. Thinking Fella
17. Blu Gal in DE
18. NormAl1792
19. winifred3
Maybees:
Joan McCarter
slksfca
Ed in Montana
BoiseBlue
BoiseBlue GF
Dave in Northridge
Timmethy
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Latest diary: Glacier National Park Check In! Glacier National Park Meetup - Part II w/ lodging and campground info!
Send navajo a kosmail if you post a diary about an event so we can update our round-up.
Okay. Floor's open.
Tell us what you are doing on this NEW DAY?