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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Little Gay Billy's BIG Gay Newsapalooza!!!

Holy smokes---the LGBT movement never sits still these days. Keeping up with it all is like drinking Jagermeister from a fire hose. Here's a sip:

•  Via the San Francisco Chronicle: Vermont Assemblywoman Nancy Sheltra pinky-swore on a stack of bibles in 2000 that legal recognition for same-sex couples would encourage the spread of AIDS and other diseases, and force America to become the United States of Sodomy. Amazingly, thirteen years have passed as of this month since Vermont Governor Howard Dean signed the nation's first civil unions bill into law (full marriage equality followed in 2009), and none of Sheltra's very serious predictions have come true. Equally amazing: a newspaper link from 2000 still functions. God surely does work in mysterious ways.

•  Vermont is also on the forefront of preventing health insurance companies from discriminating against transgender enrollees.  I don’t know what's in the water over in the Green Mountain State, but I sure wish they'd start piping it to the rest of the country.

•  Among those applauding NBA center Jason Collins as he came out of the closet: former President of the United Freakin' States Bill Clinton and the freakin' Obama administration. Collins is gonna have his haters, no doubt, but this is 2013 and his supporters are gonna roll over 'em like a freight train.

•  Why am I posting the headline South Carolina Non-Discrimination Bill to be Introduced Next Week? Because I'm guessing that seeing "South Carolina" and "non-discrimination bill" in the same vicinity is a rare event.

•  Rule #1 in our household: interrupt us when we're watching our stories and you'll live to regret it. Our decades-long love/hate relationship with Days of Our Lives has been mostly love these days, thanks to the unflinching storyline (including some boundary-pushing PDA and nookie) involving several gay characters. Last week the soap won a well-deserved GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Daily Drama. As of today, the only person on the show to ever be possessed by the devil remains the totally-heterosexual Marlena Evans. Jus' sayin'.

•  Cheers and Happy 9th Blogiversary to one of my favorite daily must-check blogs: Joe. My. God. I was honored to meet Joe for the first time last year during Netroots Nation in Providence. As I suspected, he blogs against the fundy haters with one brain lobe tied behind his back---just to keep it fair.

By the way, my 21 year-old self (that would be circa 1985) highly recommends not drinking jagermeister from a fire hose. Seriously. Especially while bowling.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Note: What do you call it when our puppy Haley tries to look out the living room window while the cat is sitting on her perch in front of the same living room window?  Batting practice.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Mother's Day: 12
Days 'til International Tuba Day: 3
Previous year that was as deadly for journalists around the world as 2012 was: 1997
(Source: AP)
Rank of keyless entry, GPS, and blind-spot sensors on the list of "must have" technologies for new car buyers: #1, #2, #3
(Source: USA Today)
Shift in the U.S.'s ranking among countries in terms of broadband speed: 12th to 8th
(Source: TechSpot via brooklynbadboy)
Number of on-air minutes CNN devoted to climate change during last fall's campaign season: 23
Number of minutes CNN spent talking about Joe Biden's smile: 43
(Source: Harper's Index)

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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

Homosexuality was outlawed in the Roman Empire in 342 AD. It has taken 1700 years for paganism to win again on this issue.
---Commenter cattolives at World Net Daily
All together now: 1…2…3… Goody!!!

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Puppy Pic of the Day: A candidate for awesomest dog story of the year…

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CHEERS and JEERS to that place over there that's on a map somewhere I forget where.  When Barack Obama became president, he re-focused on the "forgotten war" in Afghanistan and laid out a plan---one not without its flaws, we're quick to add---to help transform the country into something resembling a self-sustaining nation so we could get the hell out.  I'm not giving him all the credit for what's happening now, but it would seem he's bought some time there so that things like this could start happening:

Monty Python in the Hell's Grannies sketch
Another effective weapon against
the Afghan Taliban: Hell's Grannies.
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Maj. Gen. Robert B. Abrams, the top U.S. and NATO commander in southern Afghanistan, is confident the country won’t fall back into the grips of the Taliban and other extremists when international forces pull out in two years—pointing to what he calls a “homegrown” rejection of the Taliban and the readiness of the Afghan security forces.

Abrams tells the story of a village in the Panjwai region, located in the Kandahar province of southern Afghanistan, where a village elder pushed the Taliban out of the village after they threatened his sons.

“He said, ‘that is it,’” Abrams recounts. “That was, literally, the straw that broke the camel's back. He called the chief of police, ‘we need your help, and I will help you,’ and that has, it has now blossomed now into multiple villages across western Panjwai.”

On the flip side, the CIA has been throwing massive amounts of bribe money into the coffers of Hamid Karzai in exchange for…um…apparently nothing in return  Once again, we have met the idiots and they is us.

CHEERS to Great Moments in Real Estate.  On April 30, 1803, Robert Livingston and James Monroe concluded a deal with France that increased the size of the United states by 828,000 square miles.  Price tag: $23,000,000.  We know it as The Louisiana Purchase.  Century 21 agents know it as "What we all think about just before we have a simultaneous orgasm."

Wright Brothers plane flight
"This is your Captain speaking.
I've turned the seat-belt sign off. Feel
free to move about the cabin."
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JEERS to false starts.  Thanks to quick action by a Congress that found itself inconvenienced by its own austerity laws, traveling by air is…delayed.  Yes, the idiot House Republicans tripped up their own damn bill because of typos that delayed Obama's signature.  (He'll do it today.)  Here's the difference travelers will see: under the sequester, passengers endured the indignities of long lines, bullshit add-on charges, crappy airport food, sardine-packed flights, stuffy air, crying babies and, yes, delays.  Without the sequester, passengers will endure the indignities of long lines, bullshit add-on charges, crappy airport food, sardine-packed flights, stuffy air, crying babies and, yes, delays...but now a little faster.  Spread the news---the republic is saved.

CHEERS to the eggheads who walk among us mere mortals.  Congratulations---and bragging rights Whooooooo!!!!!---to Mira Loma High School in Sacramento, California and Creekside Middle School in Carmel, Indiana!  They're the winners of the 2013 National Science Bowl, billed as the "only science competition in the United States sponsored by a federal agency."  I'm happy to report there were no Menthos/Diet Coke disasters or, according to a statement released by the Polk administration, accidental time warps. Nice prize package:

Construction of the new death star in
Mira Loma High School's
science project being built.
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The first-place high school team in the academic competition will win a nine-day, all-expense paid science trip to Alaska.  They will explore the Copper River Delta, known for its prolific runs of wild salmon; hike through the Chugach National Forest’s old-growth hemlock and spruce stands; white-water raft on the Sheridan River and travel across the scenic Prince William Sound and Orca Inlet, home to the world’s largest population of sea otters. The trip also includes visits to Childs Glacier and the Alaska Wildlife Center, a rehabilitation facility for injured and orphaned wildlife.
Thankfully, Congressman Paul Ryan wasn't able to be there to demonstrate his favorite science experiment: waving his magic pen to make funding for the National Science Bowl disappear.

CHEERS to "#1."  224 years ago today, on April 30, 1789, sports bars were packed as millions watched George Washington take the oath of office as the first President of the United States.  This scene from HBO's John Adams perfectly captures firsthand accounts of the awkwardness (How do we do this?), solemnity (Shit, we're really doing this!), and euphoria (We did it!) that hung in the air that day:

Time to haul out the ol' confetti cannon.  Light 'em if ya got 'em.

CHEERS to the humble ice cream cone.  It was invented 109 years ago today.  Okay, now that's intelligent design.

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Five years ago in C&J: April 30, 2008

JEERS to phonin' it in.  President Bush, looking like he barely gives two shits about anything anymore, held a pointless press conference yesterday.  His robotic mantra: "Democrats still bad; oil still good."  Gee, I hope somebody etched that on parchment for posterity.

JEERS to the huddled masses yearning to swan-dive into silver chalices of brie.  Let us bow our heads in solidarity with latest victims of the Bush recession: millionaires who no longer "feel" wealthy.  C&J considers this a crisis.  After all, these are the people at the top of the almighty Republican "trickle-down" chain.  If they start thinking pauperish thoughts, you and I may be eating Little Friskies out of a dumpster by the weekend.  So if you see a multi-millionaire today, please help lift their spirits by falling to your knees and kissing their wingtips and stilettos.  But careful around the pant cuffs...they're Armani.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to getting even.  Sometimes in the sturm and drang of day-to-day politics, I wonder how aware President Obama is of the memes and other assorted insanity that pop up like wildfires at the intersection of Beltway Boulevard and Lunatic Lane.  The answer Saturday night was a resounding "Yes" as he brilliantly picked apart the wankers and spankers at the White House Correspondents Dinner.  Too many one-liners (aimed at both himself and the usual gang of idiots plus some newbies like Ted Cruz) to mention, but you can watch it here or read it here.  And leave it to Hollywood's A-listiest director to join in for a spot-on parody of the making of the motion picture event of the year:

So that was fun.  We now return you to our regularly-scheduled bleh.

Have a nice Tuesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"We've had enough Bill in Portland Maineses."
---Barbara Bush
4/25/13

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Poll

Which President born in April would you prefer to explain the current state of our country to over lunch?

2%87 votes
78%2862 votes
12%456 votes
6%255 votes

| 3661 votes | Vote | Results

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