(FiniteTimes.com) – While the majority of us woke up Tuesday morning prepared for a day filled with story after photo montage after rampant speculation concerning Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy, key Republican operatives woke up extremely pissed.
“It’s like several days of Christmas, or orgasm, and waking up to yet one more, and suddenly, wtf…? Why is Angelina Jolie the top story on every site?” says one Republican Congressional staffer. “Go ahead, you tell me that wasn’t staged and I’ll say ‘ha’.”
It’s a growing belief shared by many on the right: Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy was timed to knock the growing list of administration scandals below the fold. Vowing to get to the bottom of this issue, deputies for Representative Darrell Issa have requested that the actress appear before his House Oversight committee when she has recovered from her surgery.
The Republican base, needless to say, is outraged.
“I SEE THE HANDS OF HILERY ALL OVER ANGELINA’S BOOBS OPERATION!” wrote beerznbucks47 on one news comment section. “AND I BET YOU ANYTHING BENGAZI MUSLIMS PAID FOR IT WITH THEY’RE IRS REFUNDS! AND VINCE FOSTER AND PETREUS RESINING TOO!”
Update: Internet rumors that Alec Baldwin is on standby for emergency prostate surgery are apparently groundless, at this time.
Originally posted to The Finite Times.