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My husband and I have been long time smokers.  We had tried E-Cigs and they worked until my MIL had a major health issue, then we started smoking again.  Now my husband has a major health issue and I need your help.  Any advice would be appreciated!  Please follow me below the orange puff...

A few weeks ago my husband had what he thought was the flu, turns out he had/has a really bad case of pneumonia.  He was hospitalized for 5 days and I brought him home last Sunday.  He hasn't had a cigarette since May 6th but I've continued to smoke outside.  He is determined to quit and because he is still having trouble breathing he has no desire to smoke.  I on the other hand do.  

I have continued to smoke outside but know he can smell it on me.  I so want him to quit but am struggling myself.  I really still enjoy smoking but know he will want one a few weeks out if he smells smoke on me.  E cigs are helping but I really just want a really so bad.

Have any of you quit before you were ready or to help someone you love?  How did you do it?  Any and all suggestions would be so welcome.


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Comment Preferences

  •  There are a bunch of people here (9+ / 0-)

    who can at least be a cheer leader for you.

    They have assemble a good source of information on quitting in the GUS Library.

    There are GUS diaries about once and sometimes twice a day.  Please stop by and visit.

    Sometimes I publish quitting tips collected over the three plus years the GUS group has been around so go here.

    Good Luck to you and your husband.

    The sun's not yellow, it's chicken. B. Dylan

    by bgblcklab1 on Sun May 19, 2013 at 05:03:55 PM PDT

  •  This is a major addiction and you need major help (9+ / 0-)

    from a variety of sources.  Get into a group.  Start the patch.  Learn to exercise.  Meditate.  Get a coach.  Pray if you can.  Connect to non-smokers.  Do it for your loved one, if not yourself, he needs you to stop.  Realize that your lives are contingent on both of you beating this addiction.  You can do it others do and have every day.  Suck on small suckers.  I have seen all of these help people to stop.  I do not know what others in your specific situation has done to stop, however, I bet there are those out there that have gone through similar circumstances.
    Good luck, I will light a candle for the strength of your resolve and your man's good health.

  •  There is nothing like a serious illness to make (7+ / 0-)

    you give up smoking.  Colon cancer did it for me.  I was in the hospital for three weeks, out, and then in again for about five days.  I said to self if I can do without smoking for this period of time, I can do it forever.

    I never looked back.

    So can you.  

    In the time it took Adam Lanza to reload, eleven children escaped. What if...

    by Sixty Something on Sun May 19, 2013 at 05:14:13 PM PDT

  •  You are not quitting before you are ready. (7+ / 0-)


    I am sure you will get a ton of good advice from the former smokers here at DK. I just want to say - speaking as an addictions clinician - that you ARE, in fact, ready to quit. You have a compelling reason to stop, and you want to stop.

    You also have mixed feelings about it, but "that's OK", as we therapists say :)

    It's normal to have mixed feelings, and there is no evidence that having mixed feelings makes you less likely to be successful.

    One piece of advice: if you can afford it a really good smoking cessation program and/or cognitive-behavioral counseling with a clinician experienced with nicotine addiction would be really helpful. Also a psychopharm consult.

    My mom quit a 40+ year pack-a-day smoking habit with the help of wellbutrin. You can do it!

    Lisa :)

    All Kossacks are my allies, but if you can't express your thoughts in a civil and kind manner, I won't be engaging in a conversation with you.

    by Boston to Salem on Sun May 19, 2013 at 05:14:57 PM PDT

    •  I actually tried hypnosis several years ago m. (5+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Little, GDbot, kcc, flumptytail, anodnhajo

      and a friend quit using Chantix but when my son tried that he got so sick and had really weird dreams.

      My problem is I still really enjoy smoking and the I don't know, machinations that go along with.  Like coffee n a cig.  An after eating cig.  A really great song is playing cig.  A I'm just not ready to be forced into quitting cig.

      I know quitting is the best thing I can do for my husband and I feel so damn selfish for wanting one.

      Man who live in glass house wear pajama.

      by sylvien on Sun May 19, 2013 at 05:21:56 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  After years of my wife attempting to quit smoking (6+ / 0-)

    and me feeling bad that I smoked a lot, in January of this year I quit. I just threw my cigarettes in the garbage and have not had once puff since. (This after 32 years of mostly heavy smoking, and roll-your-own non-filter cigarettes.)

    My wife still hasn't quit. PISS. ME. OFF!!!!

    I kid. (Sort of.) I am very happy to not be smoking. I loved it - we all love it, right? - but now I'm happy to just not have the nuisance of it all. Life is the same as it ever was - but I'm just not bothered with that little thing I had to constantly do. I just go about my business as usual - without it.

    My only advice is that when you want to quit, you quit, and that people smoking around you doesn't matter when you want to quit. My wife now smokes around me (although she smoekes a lot less now, thankfully, because she doesn't like to smoke around me too much), and I still sit outside in the smoking session with my mates at the pub, cuz I want to hang with my mates.

    When you make the decision - you will make it, for keeps. And I'm proof you can.

    Best of luck to both of you.

    •  smoking "section" nt (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      GDbot, flumptytail, kcc
    •  Thanks m. (5+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      GDbot, Little, flumptytail, kcc, anodnhajo

      have you talked to your wife about quitting?  Why does she smoke around you?  I don't smoke around dh but know he can smell it on me.  It can't be helpful to him so today way my last.

      It's so hard and that english toffee ecig is my lifeline right now.

      Man who live in glass house wear pajama.

      by sylvien on Sun May 19, 2013 at 06:09:16 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Have I talked to my wife about quitting smoking? (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        GDbot, flumptytail, kcc, anodnhajo

        Yeah. Why does she smoke around me? Well, because she smokes. She doesn't smoke around me often - there are times it's just too much of a pain in the ass to go downstairs and outside to smoke - and I tell her to go ahead, I don't care.

        You're on the path. You'll get there.

    •  I used to be able to handle the smoking section :) (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      flumptytail, anodnhajo, GDbot, Little

      For about a decade.  

      But 3 yrs ago I watched the sludge come out of my Mom's lungs as she died.  I learned that even though she was on oxygen and in a home where you could not smoke - she still found someone to bring her her cancer sticks.  She couldn't wipe her own ass for 8 years but she could smoke.  

      My sis in law just had lung cancer.  All sorts of chemo and surgery and guess... she "lights up every now and then".

      My brother in law so upset with her illness, he's smoking more now, too.

      That's called addiction.  

      I can't even stand the smell on someone's coat anymore.  Customers come in to my store reeking of ... cancer and addiction.  

      That's what smoking is to me now.  Watching someone kill themselves and others around them.  It makes me sad.  

      Addiction is selfish and cruel.  

      I hope your wife can find help.  I hope you can stomach being around it longer than I could stand it.

      Take care.

      "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

      by Damnit Janet on Mon May 20, 2013 at 08:42:46 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I knew I wanted to quit, and that it would be hard (6+ / 0-)

    So I thought about it for a long time; weeks and months. I found the GUS group here on DKos and it helped to hang out there for the first couple weeks that are the worst. But time passes and it gets easier. Now I am really happy that I am almost 2 years smoke free. Save LOTS of money and feel much healthier, food smells and tastes better, and many more reasons. You can do it.

    There is no they, We will sink or swim together.... We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness

    by GDbot on Sun May 19, 2013 at 07:31:19 PM PDT

  •  Think about what he said: (4+ / 0-)

    "He can smell it on me."

    Think about all the other people who smell it on you, too.  Think about how unpleasant your presence is to anyone who is a nonsmoker.  Think about how you don't want to go around smelling like that any more.  

    That helped me quit.   I was, after many fits and starts, able to stay quit because I didn't want to go back to smelling bad.

    p.s. the reason you "enjoy" smoking is that you have set up an artificial addiction that demands to be fed.  When you feed it, it feels good.  That's what the "pleasure" of smoking is.

    You can do it!  Millions have.

    It's the Supreme Court, stupid!

    by Radiowalla on Sun May 19, 2013 at 08:01:56 PM PDT

  •  Sylvien, here's what helped me (4+ / 0-)

    I was waiting to quit until I was ready.  

    Then a couple of years ago I got bronchitis.  I knew I would recover (my doctor said so), but it physically hurt to smoke, so I was forced to cut back.  I decided I'd try to use that as an excuse to stop.  I didn't go into it all positive, happy, and "oh-boy-I'm gonna-be-an-ex-smoker!" determined; instead, I was saying things like "when this pack is done, the plan is not to buy any more."  

    Yes, "the plan is not to..."  Weasel words.  The plan is to quit -- no guarantee I'm going to stick to it.  

    Because I wasn't ready, and I knew it.  

    I'd tried to quit before.  I'd talked myself into it, been psyched up for it, and I'd failed -- three times.  This was the fourth attempt, but this time it wasn't me getting an idea in my head that I was "really going to do this!"  It was just, "Oh, whoops, bronchitis, didn't expect this."  No time to prepare or psych myself up or talk myself into wanting to quit.  In other words, no time to convince myself that I was ready.

    The thing is, I realized something:  I was never going to be "ready."  I mean, how do I define "ready" anyway?  Am I going to wake up one day and say, "You know what?  It's time."  BS.  I'd known for years that it was "time."  But I wasn't "ready" to act on it.  

    The reason why I wasn't ready was because I was addicted to nicotine.  That's what addiction is, though --  I was never going to want to quit.  

    So starting to quit was never going to get easier than that moment.  No matter when I did it, I'd hate it -- so I might as well get it over with.

    It's okay not to be "ready."  As counterintuitive as this sounds, being ready isn't a requirement.  You sort of have to drag yourself through it kicking and screaming, but you'll get through it.  It's okay to embrace the unhappiness -- the quitting process sucks for a while.  But that's the thing -- it's the same suck whether you think you're ready or you think you aren't.  And it does go away.

    Look at it like recovering from surgery -- you have to go through a horrible period to get to where you need to be.  There's nothing you can do about it besides wait out the worst of it, and take comfort and encouragement from the less-painful moments.  Slowly but surely the less-painful moments will last longer.  Eventually you'll get to a point where you won't even remember the last time you had a difficult day.  

    All without being "ready."  :)

  •  Is there a brand of cigarettes you really hate? I (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Radiowalla, GDbot, anodnhajo, gchaucer2

    suggest buying those and only smoking them outside. Then your e-cig (inside with coffee or a snack in a comfortable chair) will seem so much more desirable after a while.

  •  GUS (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    GDbot, anodnhajo, flumptytail, gchaucer2

    I was probably addicted to second hand smoke as a kid. both my parents were chain smokers. I started stealing cigarettes from my parents when I was ten. I smoked two packs a day for 30 years.

    I watched my dad die at age 59 of lung cancer. I watched my mother die of chronic bronchitis. still, I couldn't quit.

    After I had two grandchildren I decided that I wanted to see them grow up. There was my motivation. Neither of my parents had that opportunity.

    I read everything I could about quitting. I was already on welbutrin for my depression, and started wearing the patch. I wore the patch for a year, although instructions say it's only for short term. I figured it was healthier to be addicted to the patch than smoking.

    I used some of the coping mechanisms listed above, choosing what worked for me to break the urge. The urge for a cigarette is only temporary and can be broken. The key is distracting yourself from it for a few minutes, then it goes away. It will come back, but as time goes by it gets easier. If you "fall off the wagon" get right back on, and don't beat yourself up about it. You're human. It's never too late to start over.

    On the 7th try I suceeded, and I get to watch my oldest grandson graduate next month. There are still times when a whiff of smoke will bring back the desire, but  now it's easier to quell. I also know that I can do it, because I have suceeded. and I know I can do it again if I have to.

    The most important thing is not to give up. In a sense that would be giving up on yourself and your husband.

    Good luck and God bless.

  •  The patch helped me and my spouse (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    flumptytail, anodnhajo, gchaucer2, GDbot

    quit for the THIRD time about 16 years ago.  

    I don't "quit" much.  It' the stubborn side of me. :)  

    I START each day being healthier.  

    Smoking is a serious addiction.  One that will kill you and usually others around you.  One can never just quit smoking.  But you can start each day trying to be healthier.

    I had to jump into a new healthy habit the very day I started the patch.  

    Me and my partner had to quit together.  We did it. While raising an autistic child and going through all sorts of special education battles.  

    You Can Do This!  

    Sometimes it takes several times of re-starting :)

    "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

    by Damnit Janet on Mon May 20, 2013 at 08:47:57 AM PDT

  •  Una Mas (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    flumptytail, anodnhajo, gchaucer2, GDbot

    We didn't have a "last smoke" or wait till the pack, carton, morning, evening etc etc was finished.

    We just threw the damn things in the garbage.  

    When I get an urge to light up, and I do because cigarettes are a nasty cruel addiction, I remember that cigarettes are one of the biggest Republican drug of choice to throw at this country.  

    My little stance on the war on drugs.  :)  

    They imprison patients for medical marijuana of two consenting adults for smoking a joint in their own home - while lobbying the sale of something that is known to KILL you.  

    Which makes me really mad and I get even more mad at the cigarettes. LOL

    "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

    by Damnit Janet on Mon May 20, 2013 at 08:52:33 AM PDT

  •  Thinking back... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    anodnhajo, gchaucer2, GDbot

    I knew I had to replace one addiction with another.  Turns out I'm quite the addictive personality.  

    My worst cravings for a smoke were:
    Waking up.  No, seriously.  
    First cup of coffee in the morning.

    So I needed the patch on my ass at night when I went to bed.  So I wouldn't wake up with the instant craving but I also had to busy my time in the morning.  Although it was already hectic enough for me what with having two small kids and one of them autistic.  I guess that private morning time with my smokes before all chaos ensued was really hard to give up.  So now I get up with a wonderful cup of coffee and I read my hockey chat, I catch up with friends on the net and I get my butt in gear for a wonderful day.

    It's not just our health and money we are wasting on the damn cigarettes... but our time with ourselves and others that could be of such incredible value.

    We deny ourselves so much in thinking we need a smoke...  

    Now I have a beautiful herb and flower garden out front where people walking by can stop and talk with me.  I'm a barefooted, cocktail holding garden newbie on weekends :)  Which is much better than standing out by some garbage can or back wall with the smokers.  

    My one co-worker had another take several pictures of her smoking.  Inhaling, lighting it up, with it hanging in her mouth... she taped those to her fridge or something for the longest time to keep her from smoking.  She said it helped a lot.  

    "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

    by Damnit Janet on Mon May 20, 2013 at 09:03:14 AM PDT

  •  Don't inhale. Suck :) (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    anodnhajo, gchaucer2, GDbot

    Lately I've been on a new journey.  Eating before 7pm.  I've found it's not WHAT I eat, but WHEN.  I've started my days off with a big ass smoothie, although I started with the "sweet" ones first so as to get into the habit.  

    But this one is becoming a favorite, even of the pickiest eaters in the house.

    It gets you up and going.  Almost a coffee replacer.

    Strawberry Beet Smoothie.  
    Image Hosted by

    For two large smoothies:
    Place in your blender or vitamix in following order:
    1 cup Orange Juice (or Coconut Water or Apple Juice)
    2 TBSP Ground Flax Seeds (get some at some point)
    1 Banana
    2/3 cup, one medium raw, diced Beet
    2 cups frozen Strawberries
    Blend it up.

    I like to add frozen raspberries to this as it makes it super magenta color.  Don't wear white while making this!!!! :)

    "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

    by Damnit Janet on Mon May 20, 2013 at 09:53:04 AM PDT

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