BREAKING: Republicans say they will approve immigration reform as long as the "path to citizenship" runs in a circle.
Americans won't be so apathetic about the NSA story when it's revealed they're using that data TO CHEAT AT LOTTO.
House Republicans vote to defund the Love Shack.
If micro-greens are so much better for you than regular ones, I bet super health conscious cannibals try to eat as many babies as possible.
Probably lots of people told you today was hump day. None of those people humped anyone. Probably you didn't either. Good luck on Thursday.
I only have enough money to get lasik surgery on one eye, so I've decided to become a pirate.
Kick in $20 or more and get a digital download of me writing this!