I have self-diagnosed myself with Depression, which I believe I have had for 3 years now. Quite recently I have only just started getting counseling and while I have yet some more time to really get into what is happening to me and how to overcome my anger and repetitive lack of sleep (or more), my counselor told me to test for Low Blood Sugar because of the daily intake of caffeine I have.
I am very bad with caffeine, I will drink at least one energy drink per day, and generally when such resources (money) are unavailable I will revert to drinking cups of tea during the day or almost nothing at all. I fear that my addiction to caffeinated drinks is what keeps me up at night, being angry every time I read the news about the next oncoming storm from the American Government.
I asked myself yesterday whether Depression is actually the Corruption, and not the people themselves. Depression is caused by thinking patterns, pessimism is the main source of Depression which can really start it off. Starting to be pessimistic can get to people, and while some may argue that being pessimistic can sometimes help in certain situations, paranoia will come next.
Paranoia is a constant fear of something, you think something might happen and this can do a whole lot more things if not careful. I used to be very pessimistic, then I fought back. It was because of being pessimistic earlier in life that led me to be vulnerable to depression, coupled by the fact that I have been drinking caffeinated drinks from the age of 10 almost every day since. That is almost 10 years of constant caffeine intake and I am still alive, weird that.
The reason I think depression is the corruption and not people themselves is because Depression, like other mental illnesses, severely affects human behaviour on a day-by-day basis. It's hardly anyone's fault for making a Human feel the way they do, as we are all aware it is completely natural to be angry, or to be sad, or hopeless etc. But the one thing that you should never do is use that as an excuse to say you have a right to control, because that's what causes corruption.
I'd like to think that the big corporations and governments are not led by idiots, even though some of them can actually be if they are not necessarily mentally deranged, but let by depression and the stress of the infrastructures that make up these governments and corporations.
I hate that I have depression because it does prevent me from doing things I actually enjoy, like planning and developing video games in the hope to start my own business. The main issue for me is being distracted by first and third world issues, such as the global economy. Getting a job should be a priority for me, but I have a lack of incentive to go out and find one because I am too pessimistic I will never get the vacancy. I have received emails from a variety of companies regarding jobs and I have come into contact with them, but none of them hardly seemed interested in my CV, which included 8 years of software development, 3 years of interest in Copyright and Intellectual Property law, and so many more years of wanting to own a business in the video games industry.
There is even lack of incentive to go out often, and I suppose the main reason for that is because I don't have any friends that live nearby. There are relatives, but the majority of them are either busy too often or I just have the lack of communicating with them. Either way, I still need to improve my social life.
I lack in almost every respect but being able to plan and make video games, and generally just play video games, watching films etc. In fact, yesterday, I watched Final Fantasy The Spirits Within and Advent Children - such good films, I just want to watch them over and over again, though I am a BIG Final Fantasy fan :D
However, if this pessimism and the lack of being optimistic continues I fear for my life, that I will eventually turn into that person going on a mentally deranged journey toward hell. Human behaviour can be affected by such small things, and I think that most criminals have some form of mental illness, otherwise why would they commit the crime, unless of course they are starving to death.
I am trying to be a good, lawful person but when you're own government is breaking their own laws just to take control, that's when everyone else joins in. The legal system automatically breaks and all of a sudden you're at the brink of collapse. I think that if there is any pattern, everyone should have at least some care in what they do, every action has a price to pay, but bad actions outweigh the good ones.
It is useless trying to take control just because you opinion is different to others, in fact 99% of law is opinion and not based on fact, which makes it a violation of itself considering the Freedom of Speech exists (if it does exist). Eventually, we will all die in the end, but we should use our time alive to make the best of Humanity, instead of taking control of each other. We can do more in life simply by fighting our own corruption.
There are things worth fighting for, but it is useless fighting against someone else's corruption, because that's what makes them worse. You've seen it for yourself, so don't get violent. It is natural to be angry, but it is not natural to kill because your opinion is different.