I just completed a course on combatting child/spouse/elder abuse, and a part of that was a list of attributes and ways to spot abusive men.
Look at these and tell me what you think.
1) Does he speak with disrespect or anger about women who have been a part of his life? Does he have little respect for women?
2) Doers he have a temper? Does he get visibly angry or hostile? What happens when things don't go right?
3) Does he constantly find fault? Is he someone who is proud of his high standards (especially for others) and his desire for excellence - from others? Does he criticize anyone who does not live up to those standards?
4) Does he control or disapprove of how someone spends their money? Stingy and miserly at best, he sees no problem with spending money on himself.
5) Does talking about emotional intimacy make him nervous or impatient? Does he understand the difference between affection and sex?
6) Does he use or enjoy humour that puts down or degrades others in subtle or not-so-subtle ways? Does he try to poke fun at others? What kind of complements does he give?
7) Does he lack the ability to laugh at himself?
- Come from all socio-economic levels, all racial, age, and ethnic groups.
- 80% were abused as children, or saw their mothers being abused. (Ah, the old traditional "Spare the Rod" school of childrearing.)
- Hold very traditional, stereotyped views of male-female roles and relationships.
- Blame others for abusive behaviour.
- Tend to trivialize and deny the abuse.
- Tend to express all negative feelings as anger.
- Get needs met by control, such as by threats or violence.
- Tend not to trust other people.
- Lack sympathy for victim's physical and emotional pain.
Anything sound familiar?