Skip to main content

I just completed a course on combatting child/spouse/elder abuse, and a part of that was a list of attributes and ways to spot abusive men.
Look at these and tell me what you think.

1) Does he speak with disrespect or anger about women who have been a part of his life? Does he have little respect for women?
2) Doers he have a temper? Does he get visibly angry or hostile? What happens when things don't go right?
3) Does he constantly find fault? Is he someone who is proud of his high standards (especially for others) and his desire for excellence - from others? Does he criticize anyone who does not live up to those standards?
4) Does he control or disapprove of how someone spends their money? Stingy and miserly at best, he sees no problem with spending money on himself.
5) Does talking about emotional intimacy make him nervous or impatient? Does he understand the difference between affection and sex?
6) Does he use or enjoy humour that puts down or degrades others in subtle or not-so-subtle ways? Does he try to poke fun at others? What kind of complements does he give?
7) Does he lack the ability to laugh at himself?

Abusive men:

- Come from all socio-economic levels, all racial, age, and ethnic groups.
- 80% were abused as children, or saw their mothers being abused. (Ah, the old traditional "Spare the Rod" school of childrearing.)
- Hold very traditional, stereotyped views of male-female roles and relationships.
- Blame others for abusive behaviour.
- Tend to trivialize and deny the abuse.
- Tend to express all negative feelings as anger.
- Get needs met by control, such as by threats or violence.
- Tend not to trust other people.
- Lack sympathy for victim's physical and emotional pain.

Anything sound familiar?

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site