Obesity is one of those things what we don't seem to be able to to talk about very well. Many have such a visceral reaction to overweight people that, whenever the topic comes up, they just can't hold themselves back from painting a broad brush over an entire group of people and making ill-conceived judgments about their lives. Just go look at some of the Chris Christie diaries here on Daily Kos, and you'll see what I mean--it won't be long before you run across something about his weight (because that's clever). And it seems like just about any diary dealing with obesity or an overweight person will attract at least a few terrible, mean-spirited comments directed at overweight people. All under the guise of wanting to "help."
This diary wasn't really inspired by an incident on Daily Kos, though. Actually, it is inspired by a comment that was made by somebody in meatspace. The comment itself isn't important--suffice it to say that it was judgmental and insensitive and that I'm used to hearing comments just like it or worse. They're a dime a dozen. It's easy, after all, to criticize overweight people when you can go out and eat a rack of ribs and a loaded baked potato, step on the scale, and lose weight without setting foot in a gym. I really do feel as though some would have to walk in my shoes or in the shoes of another overweight person--who has worked their ass off to only make minimal progress--to truly understand how thoroughly unhelpful and wrongheaded their judgments are.
I've partially told my own story before, in this diary. I'm one of those people who is in a constant struggle with my weight. This week seems like a good one to write about my story, since I just stepped on the scale this morning and have finally worked off the damage I did to myself when I went out to eat a few days in a row with the BF. Follow me below the beef enchilada (probably my favorite food--and therefore my biggest weakness)...
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I've been overweight since about elementary school. I grew up being tormented about it--kids can be cruel, and I still have certain insecurities related to the incessant teasing I endured throughout middle school. I thinned out a little when I got to high school because of how much I rode my bike (or, maybe I just wore the weight well), but upon graduation I ballooned. I attribute this to my job selling Cutco knives (I know, I know...a bad decision in every way), which kept me on the road constantly. So, of course, I ate out a great deal, usually at buffets. The lifestyle kind of stuck after I left Cutco.
Many seem to think that it is their responsibility to educate the obese about their weight, since they obviously don't realize how overweight they are. Well, actually, we do. During my first two years of college, I was painfully aware of my weight. I was aware of it when I had to dress like a slob because there was no way to make my clothes look good. I was aware of it when I got winded walking up one flight of stairs. I was aware of it when I went to the movie theater, could barely fit in the seat, and walked out with marks on my sides from the arm rests. I was aware of it when I heard a child point out to his mother that I was a "fat man." We definitely don't need reminding. I wasn't happy with myself. Unfortunately, taking the weight off is not as fast or as easy as it is putting it on. I wasn't happy with my body, but I felt trapped. Every "diet" I tried failed because I got so discouraged with the minuscule progress I made.
Some of us have an "oh shit" moment that really lights a fire under us. For me, that moment was when I went to Six Flags and was told, quite frankly, that I was too fat for the roller coaster belt to fit over me. I was then asked to leave the roller coaster. Just imagine that walk of shame--it was many times what you imagine. There were people there that just loved to see the fat guy get kicked off the roller coaster.
After that experience, I was determined to lose weight, even if it killed me. After doing quite a bit of research, I finally decided on Weight Watchers, since that seemed like the best system to keep me accountable (and it was not nearly as drastic as some of the other diets I tried). When I started on the program, I was over 300 pounds. I still keep this Facebook picture of myself as a reminder of how far I've come:
I found Weight Watchers to be completely doable, since they tailored how much I was allowed to eat to my weight. When I first started, I was allowed to eat a lot. I didn't think I could possibly lose weight with my point allowance. But in the first week, I lost ten pounds. Followed by another ten pounds the next week, and the week after that. It probably helped that I had a job in manual labor, which kept me active for eight hours a day. After the first few weeks, the weight loss was much slower, but it was constant. I stuck to it, and I even made myself go out and walk every evening. I was motivated almost as much by the anger I felt toward the smug faces as I was leaving the roller coaster as I was by a desire to get healthy.
I'd started Weight Watchers at the beginning of the summer. At the end of the summer, I'd lost about 70 pounds. I felt great, I looked great, and everybody was noticing. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt good about myself. This is what I looked like two years later, after I'd lost an additional 10-20 pounds:
I was still overweight, but honestly, I was happy with myself.
And then I learned how easy it is to gain it back again. After I made the move to Texas (I'm still blaming the awesome food down here--especially the TexMex!), I gained 30-40 pounds. It was so quick, and I wasn't even eating outrageous amounts of food like I had before. A few pounds snowballed and turned into a major problem. Just like that.
So here I am, still struggling with my weight. A few months ago, I started back on Weight Watchers and have lost a total of about 15 pounds. It's hard. Unlike some people, I can't go out and "cheat" without having to spend a week working it off. Just losing those 15 pounds has been so difficult, and it's going to be even more difficult losing the 20-25 pounds I need to lose to get back to where I was.
What I really wish is that those who would cast stones at and make judgments and assumptions about an entire group of people would stop to consider how hard many of us are working. It may not look like it, but then, you can't look at a person and tell the difference between 265 pounds and 260 pounds. Nor can you see the sweat and tears (literally) that went into those few measly pounds that you can't even notice yet. We all have our own stories and our own challenges. It would be best to leave the judgment to the person responsible for his or her body. They're probably judging themselves harshly enough.
TOP COMMENTS
July 12, 2013
Thanks to tonight's Top Comments contributors! Let us hear from YOU
when you find that proficient comment.
From blueoregon:
I'd like to nominate renzo capetti's reply to Laurence Lewis' comment in Laura Clawson's diary.
From Puddytat:
This lovely comment by Buckeye Nut Schell explains in a few words why it is we never see wrongdoing corporations asked any tough questions or see stories of how little (or nothing) they pay in taxes along with their other abuses.
From LaughingPlanet:
This exchange in Hunter's "Ask me anything..." post between IRL partners was cute.
From edrie:
This comment by banjolele, the most astute observer in my diary, is the best.
From phonegery:
This comment by denig made me laugh.
From coquiero:
I would like to nominate this comment from blue aardvark regarding the confiscation of tampons at the Texas State House due to an immediate (probably not),credible (almost certainly not) and horrifying (definitely) danger of the State Senators being pelted with tampons during discussion of the new abortion provider restrictions about to be passed (sob) in Texas.
From JayRaye:
I would like to nominate this comment by UnaSpenser, which was in reply to this comment by Radiogabs. I think a gal deserves a Hellraisers Award just thinking up an action like this!
From your humble diarist:
I like the cut of this whole thread's (started by coquiero) jib.
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TOP PHOTOS
July 11, 2013
Enjoy jotter's wonderful PictureQuilt™ below. Just click on the picture and it will magically take you to the comment that features that photo. Have fun, Kossacks!
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