Skip to main content

C&J Banner


Yay! Maine's Crazy Uncles are Back!!!

Backstory: Last month, Maine tea party Republican Governor Paul LePage---one of many unqualified goobers swept into office nationwide in 2010---said this about a Democratic state senator:

"Senator Jackson claims to be for the people, but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline."
His comment drew universal condemnation from Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, North Korea, several star systems including Arglebargle-7…hell, I hear even Louie Gohmert was like, "Whoa." Only one group welcomed Governor LePage's Vaseline comment: the makers of Vaseline. (Hey, publicity is publicity.) But one thing was for sure: Governor LePage wanted the whole thing to go away---fast.

Vintage Vaseline ad
" shut those two idiots up!"
Enter Maine's own conservative Christian Tweedledum and Tweedledee---minus the intellectual heft but double the bumbling---to pull out their bullhorns inside the State House just 48 hours ago and give the governor's anal-sex slur "Two Thumbs Up the Tuckus!"
"He’s a man and he’s one that we should respect," said [Maine Grassroots Coalition head Paul] Madore. “It was wrong for Christian leaders to criticize him the way that they did." [...]

“He was angry and he spoke out very emotionally and like a man and I loved it,” said [former Christian Civic League Director Michael] Heath. “It felt like thunder and lightning to me. It’s so refreshing in this age of insanity when it comes to sexuality to hear someone in public life use sodomy, gay, homosexual---pick your word---in the proper context. It’s negative. … What’s good is sexuality in marriage and what is linked to having children and grandchildren. Civilization has survived because we reward that behavior and discourage the other behavior.”

Asked by a reporter to respond to the fact that LePage apologized for the Vaseline comment the day after he made it, Heath said “that’s between him and God.”

LePage is Catholic, and I'd pay a million dollars to be the priest who hears that confession. (Although I understand that if he starts following the Pope on Twitter he'll catch a break on his time in Purgatory.)

As for the response from the hapless governor to Tweedledum and Tweedledee's 40 minute flame-fanning fest that revived Slipperygoogate, I believe it can be summed up thusly: "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

Fat chance. If it's one thing those two holy rollers keep lubed at all times, it's their jawbones.

Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 19, 2013

Note:  Tonight's entertainment is being provided by the Alpine horn stylings of Hans Stahlenclaws and the Death Metal Cloggers.  For your own safety, please give them a wide berth.  A very wide berth.


By the Numbers:
Days 'til Christmas in July: 6
Days 'til the 19th annual Long Beach Crawfish Festival: 15
Rank of June, 2013 among Junes with the highest global land temperature on record: #3
(Source: NOAA)
Unemployment rate at which the Federal Reserve will stop keeping interest rates at near-zero levels: 6.5%
Percent of blacks and whites, respectively, who believed in July, 2008 that the election of Barack Obama would help race relations: 60%, 38%
(Source: July, 2008 Washington Post/ABC News poll)
Per-glass price at my front-yard lemonade stand: $199
Number of glasses sold in the 21 years my stand has been open: 0


Puppy Pic of the Day:  Extreme cat-sitting


CHEERS to new teammates.  We got a new Labor Secretary!!!  We got a new EPA Administrator!!!  I don’t know what kind of dirt Harry Reid found on Mitch McConnell, but apparently it was enough to break the filibuster logjam.  The new Labor guy is Thomas Perez, who made Rush Limbaugh so scared that the EIB sponsor-hemorrhager panic-compared him to the "grand kleagle of the Ku Klux Klan."  The new EPA chief is Gina McCarthy, whom Republicans despise because, in her previous job as chief air-quality regulator, she hurt Big Energy's fee-fees.  So far I'd say they're both off to a great start.

JEERS to the American Taliban.  Speaking to his American constituents, Utah State Senator Aaron Osmond says compulsory education is tyranny and should be stopped.  Speaking to her Taliban would-be assassins and other backward-looking dodo heads who think compulsory education is tyranny and should be stopped, 16 year-old Malala Yousafzai says, "We call upon all governments to ensure free, compulsory education all over the world for every child."  Oh to be a fly on the wall when the two of them end up sharing an elevator.

George McGovern looking at newspaper with
Heckuva job, America.
CHEERS to South Dakota's late, great moral compass.  World War II hero, former Senator and Democratic presidential contender George McGovern died last October, dammit.  Today we remember him on what would've been his 91st birthday.  If he'd been elected in '72, the Vietnam War would've ended sooner, progressive values would've sunk their roots deeper into the American consciousness, and the integrity of the office of the President would've held fast.  Instead we re-elected a corrupt, paranoid loon who ended up resigning in disgrace, tarnishing the office, and poisoning our collective well of trust and optimism.  Said Hunter S. Thompson, who would've been 77 yesterday: "Of all the men that have run for president in the twentieth century, only George McGovern truly understood what a monument America could be to the human race."  Attention procreators: make more Georges, please.  (And Hunters, while you're at it.)

JEERS to our out-of-control free press.  OMG!  Have you seen the latest cover of Rolling Stone?  My god, it's disgusting ans I don’t blame stores one bit for boycotting it.  Look at the ink they're giving this menace to society:

Rolling Stone cover upper half July, 2013 with Willie nelson headline and Tsaernov pic.
That's right.  Your eyes aren’t deceiving you---it says "On the Bus With WILLIE NELSON."  The marijuana maniac.  The dope fiend.  The reefer reveler who once committed an act of treason against the---[please rise]---U.S of Fuckin' A---[please be seated]---by smoking the demon weed on the White House roof.  Oh, well…I shouldn't be surprised.  I'd expect no less from a publication whose very name describes both the preparation and effect of smoking a joint.  My advice to all you moms and dads is: make sure you go out and buy a copy of Rolling Stone for each of your children to read so they'll know what they should never buy or read.  In fact, better get 'em all a multi-year subscription so the lesson will really sink in over time.  The world needs more good parents like you.

JEERS to yelling opening fire in a crowded movie theater.  On tomorrow's date one year ago, a horrible human being massacred a dozen people---and injured 70---who were watching a movie at a theater in Aurora, Colorado.  What happened in the wake of the tragedy was depressingly predictable: gun control advocates wisely suggested that this might be a good time to review our federal and state firearms policies so that our nation's shameful record of gun violence might be improved upon.  The NRA responded by scaring politicians into looking the other way by informing them that, "We'll be scoring you on your response."  Right-wing bloggers and numbskull politicians (hello, Louie Gohmert) insisted that if only those kids at that theater had been allowed to be armed with Glocks, they would've been able to return fire Rambo-style and no one but the gunman would've been harmed.  But Aurora---along with the Tucson AZ, Sanford FL and Oak Creek WI tragedies---was still fresh enough in our collective memory to factor into the backlash against the gun lobby when, five months later, a similar event took place at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut.  Today the public is overwhelmingly in favor of common-sense gun-safety laws that still give all due respect to the precious Second Amendment.  The NRA is overwhelmingly still the NRA---to them carnage is a feature, not a bug.

The Three Stooges with golf clubs
Current British
Open leaders.
CHEERS to home vegetation.  I've finally figured out the difference between winter and summer: in winter you stay inside on weekends and watch TV because it's freezing outside, and in summer you stay inside and watch TV because it's broiling outside.  What can I say?  I'm a thinker.  Anyway, the weekend TV schedule starts tonight on HBO's Real Time, when Bill Maher balances out evil with good via guests Grover Norquist and Dan Savage.  New DVD releases include 42 and the remake of Evil Dead that apparently does not suck. (Harry's full list is up at AICN)  The baseball schedule is here.  (The Yankees travel to Fenway with the intention of destroying the Red Sox, but in the immortal words of Admiral Akbar: "It's a trap!")  The British Open continues in Muirfield.  On 60 Minutes: bombs that sniff out dogs.

On Bill Moyers & Company, Baldemar Velásquez talks about "the ongoing David vs. Goliath struggles to ensure fairness for American farmworkers."  And here's your Sunday morning lineup.  Let's see how the male/female ratio is doing this week, shall we?  Yes, let's…

Meet the Press: Congresscritters galore with Reps. Peter King (R-NY), Marcia Fudge (D-OH), Steve King (R-IA) and Joaquin Castro (D-TX).  Male-Female Ratio: 3-1

CNN's turn to babysit
John McCain this week.
CNN's State of the Union: This weekend it's Candy Crowley's turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping.  Male-Female Ratio: 1-0

This Week: Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX); Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI) and Adam Schiff (D-CA); roundtable with Jonathan Karl, Van Jones, Matt Dowd, Dana Perino, Cokie Roberts and Pierre Thomas; Orange is the New Black author Piper Kerman.  Male-Female Ratio: 7-3

Face the Nation:  Least-competent-ever Speaker of the House John Boehner discusses how hard he works…on his tan, his golf game and his cork-sniffing skills; Michigan Dictator Rick Snyder (R) on the awesome job he's doing setting a new standard for banana republics around the world; yakkety-yak heads Gerald Seib, David Ignatius, Susan Page and Michael Scherer.  Male-Female Ratio: 5-1

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Retired Dr. Ben Carson (R) and Rep. Donna Edwards (D-MD) on the Zimmerman verdict; roundtable with Bill Kristol, Evan Bayh, Kirsten Powers and Scott Brown.  Male-Female Ratio: 4-2

Final Male-Female ratio: 20-7  It's a man man man man world.  Happy sleeping in!


Five years ago in C&J: July 19, 2008

JEERS to firearms for the faithful.  Let's see...if Jesus were here on Earth, I wonder if he'd entice fresh converts like this...

An Oklahoma church canceled a controversial gun giveaway for teenagers at a weekend youth conference.  Windsor Hills Baptist had planned to give away a semiautomatic assault rifle until one of the event's organizers was unable to attend.

The church’s youth pastor, Bob Ross, said it’s a way of trying to encourage young people to attend the event.  The church expected hundreds of teenagers from as far away as Canada.

What a wimp.  Jesus would give out bazookas.  Blessed are the buttkickers, baby!


And just one more…

CHEERS to the giant leap for mankind that I got to witness with my own 5-year-old eyes.  Forty-four years ago tomorrow, at 10:56 pm eastern time, John Kennedy's vision to put a man on the Moon by decade's end was realized when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first humans to set foot on a heavenly body not named Earth. The entire world was united in awe that day---the kind of awe that our next phase of space exploration has to match, now that the shiny shuttles have been mothballed.  Here…relive the moment when the world stood still:  

Tomorrow's anniversary will be bittersweet, seeing as it's the first one without Neil Armstrong.  I think when Neil died, that was when I really started feeling a sense of mortality.  Maybe it's because we always shared our August 5 birthday together at Denny's, and now those days are over.  [sigh]  If skies are clear tomorrow night when the full moon is out, you could do worse than to help fulfill his family's wishes and "…think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink.”  And for bonus points, nibble on some green cheese.

Have a great weekend!  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?



Who won the week?

1%52 votes
0%12 votes
40%1191 votes
2%62 votes
1%41 votes
21%633 votes
0%12 votes
6%201 votes
9%277 votes
4%138 votes
1%51 votes
2%84 votes
1%36 votes
2%69 votes
1%49 votes

| 2909 votes | Vote | Results

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site