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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

If…

Question mark
…you engage in an IRS witch hunt even when your information is proven false, you believe rape kits prevent pregnancy from rape, you accuse anyone who starts a debate on race relations of being a reverse-racist, you claim the solution to the environmental effects of fossil fuels is to drill wider and deeper for them, you compare gays to pedophiles, you shout "global cooling!" on individual snow days in the winter but ignore record-breaking heat year after year, you openly and proudly call for secession, you believe economic expansion depends on economic contraction, you think alternative energy means switching from regular to premium, you want more tax breaks for the wealthy but not the middle and lower classes, you thought voting for the Iraq war was good judgment and you'd do it all over again, your idea of healthcare reform is "take more vitamins," you insist that the primary role of Congress is to repeal laws, you think it should be more difficult for minorities to vote, you spend most of your time naming new post offices at the same time you're trying to strangle the Postal Service, you keep funneling billions of tax dollars to Big Oil but starve green energy, you see commies behind every bush, you think it's fine that women earn 77 cents for every dollar men make, you compare European immigrants' "Secretariat DNA" to Mexican immigrants' "donkey DNA," you believe regulations on massively-predatory corporations are tyranny but regulations on ordinary workaday individuals are necessary to prevent "moochers," you preach "abstinence only" to a demographic group that's at the peak of their biologically-wired horniness, you can't stomach the idea of a minimum living wage for people on the lowest rungs of society at the same time you can't stomach a billionaire paying a few extra bucks in taxes, your response to the obscene level of gun violence in America is more guns, you bicker and dicker over funding for disaster relief, you scream "Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!" but do nothing about jobs except slash them, and you act all rough and tough yet you're too frightened to ever criticize a conservative radio entertainer because you're afraid he might destroy you with some words…

…then tell me again, Republicans: why should anyone listen to you?

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Note: Please allow faster bloggers to blog through. Thx.  ---Clubhouse Mgt.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Keith Olbermann's new show debuts on ESPN2: 34
Days 'til the Petaluma Music Festival in California: 11
Rail tanker cars carrying oil through the U.S. per day in 2009: 30
Rail tanker cars carrying crude oil in the U.S. per day today: 975
(Source: AP)
Rank of Chuck Grassley and Tom Harkin among longest-serving same-state duos currently in the U.S. Senate, at 28 years: #1
(Source: USA Today)
Amount Penn State has paid out so far to settle Jerry Sandusky-related sex-abuse cases: $60 million
(Source: AP)
Percent of South America's population made up of Catholics in 1910 and 2010, respectively: 90%, 72%
(Source: Time)

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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

"Obama isn't dumb, unfortunately."
---Commenter "Brandon" at RedState
All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  Gee, I wonder if photographer Traer Scott will sell a few copies of his new book.  No, I really don't…

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CHEERS to fresh blueblood.  With help from the machine that goes "Ping!", the Duchess of Kate delivered a bouncing baby boy without complications yesterday.  If you missed it, here's the livestream:

They haven't chosen a name yet.  I'm hoping it's Sir Loin of Beef.  It would mean a lot to me. Namely, a million bucks on etrade.

CHEERS to great moments in stinkola.  A rare "corpse flower" bloomed yesterday at the U.S. Botanic garden in D.C.  There's a method to its malodorousness:

Senator Rand Paul (R-KY)
The corpse flower
in full bloom.
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Scientists say the flower’s strange odor serves to attract beetles or other insects that are normally drawn to rotting flesh.

“Just in the same way that a lovely smelling plant, like a rose, is attracting a bee or another kind of insect with what we would consider a very nice smell, to pollinate it, this particular plant has the strategy of using a horrible, fetid smell to attract insects,” said Ari Novy, the public programs manager at the garden. “So this plant is essentially tricking those kinds of insects into coming, having a party inside of the plant and the flower and pollinating it and then moving on.”

In other words, the CPAC of the botanical world.

P.S. Live corpse flower cam is here.  Thankfully not in Smell-o-vision.

JEERS to Mr. Partypooper.  The new Pope packed his steamer trunks and scurried off on his first official visit to Brazil yesterday, and the personnel left behind at the Vatican are mad as holy hornets.  Turns out Francis is authorized to pull Benedict away from his reruns of Charles in Charge and tap him for chaperone duties back at the home office.  That means, for the first time in 750 years, the mice don’t get to play while the cat's away.  All that polishing of the sacramental-wine guzzlehats gone to waste.  Even worse: Chippendales 24-hour cancellation policy means no refunds.  Why, Lord?  Why???

JEERS to the dunce of the confederacy.  The candidates running for governor in Virginia had their first debate Saturday.  Democrat Terry McAuliffe vowed to work for smart economic policies, support public education, build a strong safety net for seniors and the poor, enact smart energy policy and ensure equality for everyone.  Republican Ken Cuccinelli vowed to keep on believing that gay people are going to spend eternity hell.  And if you want to get a sense of what spending eternity in hell feels like, Virginia, it's real simple: just vote Cuccinelli for governor.

Dollar Coin featuring Ulysses S. Grant
For his dollar
coin, they gave
Grant a fauxhawk.
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CHEERS to the crusher of the confederacy.  On July 23, 1885, Ulysses S. Grant, the larger-than-life general who helped win the Civil War (even though he fainted at the sight of blood) and then went on to spend eight rocky and crony-filled years in the White House, died in Mount McGregor, N.Y. at 63.  Today we appreciate him for this nugget from the book Rating the Presidents:
He kept his own religious values and practice to himself.  In the larger view for the country, he believed in a strict separation of church and state, stating in his seventh annual message to Congress: "Declare church and state forever separate and distinct; but each free within their proper spheres."
Go pay your respects here.  But don’t leave him any cigars---they’re what killed him.  Maybe a nice salad.

CHEERS to the dynamic duo.  I never watch sports shows, but I may dip my toe into whatever ESPN is cooking up in their bullpen.  Last week they announced that Keith Olbermann would host a show five nights a week starting next month, and now we learn that they've lured none other than Nate Silver (aka Poblano here at Daily Kos) from The New York Times to serve as one of the shows contributors as well as a network statistician.  According to my algorithms, he has an 85 percent chance of succeeding at ESPN and a 99 percent chance of being crossed off the Times' holiday greeting card list.

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Five years ago in C&J: July 23, 2008

CHEERS to travelin' man.  After sneaking away from his media posse to single-handedly capture a nest of Taliban evildoers with nothing more than a revolver made of licorice, Barack Obama flew to Kuwait where he thanked the troops and then sank a three-pointer from 50 feet:

Going through McCain's head yesterday: "I'm fucked."  My point: good day for the home team.

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And just one more…

Laurel and Hardy giving
The silence
returns.
CHEERS to the sound of silence.  Well, the once-every-17 years cicada orgy was fun while it lasted---mainly because they never bothered us in Maine.  But all pest cacophonies must come to an end (exceptions: Congress and the Westboro Baptist Church), and the critters have gone back from whence they came.  Hard to believe the next batch won't show up until 2030, when President Gillibrand and Vice President Warren are in their second term.  Or, if you prefer, President Warren and Vice President Gillibrand.  We'll work all that out after Hillary's reelection.

Have a nice, quiet Tuesday.  And cheers to Republicans as they celebrate their high holy holiday known as Vanilla Ice Cream Day!  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Cheers and Jeers has become a tyrannical, oppressive, poisonous cultural force that compels conformity.
---Illinois Family Institute

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Poll

President Obama's post-Zimmerman-verdict remarks last week on racial inequality in America were…

2%89 votes
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