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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

St. Peter's Basilica: Very Late Last Night:

"Francis! Il Papa! My good friend! Welcome back to the Vatican."

"Thank you, Benedict. Little tired, but glad to be back."

Pope Martin V
We hear Pope Martin V
went through the same
thing with Innocent VII.
"Nice trip?"

"Wonderful. Just wonderful. The people were delightful. The sights, the smells, the food…couldn't ask for more."

"Splendid, splendid."

"And you?"

"Oh, the usual. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, bedtime."

"That's nice. Say, uh…you wanna get outta my chair?"

"Oh, is this your chair? Ha ha…silly me. Of course. Just keepin' it warm for ya."

"Wow. That's a lotta crumbs."

"Yeah. I thought you were coming back tomorrow. Looks like mea busted, tee hee."

"Good night, Benny."

"G'night, Sonny."

[ker-SLAM]

"Somebody get me the Holy Dustbuster. And make a note to change the locks..."

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 29, 2013

Note: "I better place an advance order for a copy of Sarah Palin's new 'War on Christmas' book before it's sold out!" said nobody.

-

Maine Lobster Festival logo
2 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of Shark Week: 6
Days 'til the 2013 Maine Lobster Festival in Rockland: 2
Percent of U.S. voters who say they share the Republican party's values: 13%
Percent of "moderate Republicans" who believe the Republican party is dividing the country: 40%
(Source: Democracy Corps survey)
Percent less likely city dwellers are to die from serious injury than rural residents: 20%
Factor by which people in rural areas die from car accidents versus those in urban areas: 2x
Percent of doctors in North America who say they'd prescribe marijuana to their cancer patients if it was allowed: 75%
(Source: Harper's Index)

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  "Mmmmm…fresh bone."

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CHEERS to getting a clean bill of skedaddle.  When Teresa Heinz Kerry was rushed to the hospital a couple weeks back with a sudden mystery bout of something-or-other, it almost sounded like she'd lost a tennis match against the Grim Reaper.  So it's nice to start the week with the news that she apparently told Mr. death to "shove it…"

U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, spend a quiet moment with their grandson Alexander in the Secretary’s outer office, before his ceremonial swearing-in at the U.S. Department in State in Washington, D.C., February 6, 201
"All better. Now
pull Nana's finger."
The 74-year-old wife of Secretary of State John Kerry walked out of Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital and is expected to fully recover at home "after some limited outpatient treatment," said Glen Johnson, a spokesman for the secretary.  She has returned to routine family activities "and looks forward to the same with her civic works after a period of rest," he said.  "It was amazing, a miracle," Heinz Kerry, 74, said of her care and caregivers, according to the statement.
Meanwhile, rehabilitation of another kind appears to be taking tentative hold halfway across the globe, thanks to her husband.  Israel has approved the release of over a hundred prisoners, clearing the way to a new round of peace talks with Palestine today.  If they leave hospital food off the lunch menu, I like their chances.

MEGA JEERS to Mother [effing] Russia.  Vladimir Putin thinks he's such a manly man---wrastlin' bears and riding horseback and pulling missile launchers with his teeth across Red Square, etc. etc.  But being a manly man also means having brains and heart enough to know that punching down (literally, via roving goon squads) at a swath of your own citizens and denying their very existence by passing insane laws, is a textbook example of cowardice.  The New York Times lays it out in an editorial that's getting liked, shared and retweeted around the world:

Dump Stoli hashtag in protest of Russia's anti-LGBT laws.
Well, it's a start.
-
Earlier this month, he signed a law banning the adoption of Russian-born children to gay couples and to any couple or single parent living in any country where marriage equality exists. Last month, Mr. Putin signed a law allowing the police to arrest tourists and foreigners suspected of being gay or pro-gay and detain them for up to 14 days. He also signed a bill classifying “homosexual” propaganda as pornography with vague wording that could subject anyone arguing for tolerance or educating children about homosexuality to arrest and fines.
Surprisingly, the people most pissed off by Putin's actions are Republican legislatures and governors down in Dixie.  They hate it when Commie furriners beat 'em to the punch.

JEERS to the further misadventures of "Carlos Danger."  Last week I promised that the only Anthony Weiner news I'll post here is information concerning new polls, debates, or his self-immolation, and otherwise I'll just post singing dogs or craaaazy cats as filler.  I understand there was, in fact, a new poll showing Weiner's numbers dropping like a stone, but I've decided not to run with it because, well, this is just too precious…

Stay tuned for updates, bulletins and flying kibble.

CHEERS to the first ringy dingy.  On July 29, 1914, transcontinental telephone service began when someone in New York called someone in San Francisco.  The conversation ended with the successful sale of a couple hundred bucks worth of term life insurance, a Thighmaster, and a donation to Woodrow Wilson's reelection campaign.  Smooth sales rep.

CHEERS to fresh tweet meat.  Another sassy, brassy progressive has joined the twitterverse.  Please give a 140-character welcome to…the Barney:

May the snark be with him.

JEERS to stupid people tricks.  A quick reminder to all you moms and dads out there that it is a social faux pas to leave your toddlers sitting in a blazing hot oven.  Er, I mean, a blazing hot car.  So please don't do it.  If it's not too much trouble.  Thanks so much.

-

Five years ago in C&J: July 29, 2008

CHEERS to happy outcomes.  It could've been a disaster of epic proportions that knocked John McCain out of the race and resurrected the Giuliani campaign, but a dermatologist removed a benign thingamahoochie from his face yesterday.  Not because it was dangerous, but because the mole wouldn't quit screaming, "Hey! Get this creep offa me!"  Can't blame it.

CHEERS to sneak previews.  Someone leaked the trailer for Oliver Stone's upcoming Bush biopic, W, and you can watch it here.  It looks superficial, dysfunctional, half-baked, and wafer-thin.  So we have reason to believe it'll at least be realistic.  C&J Grade: what else, a C.

-

And just one more…

Still from the movie
What really happened to
the convention balloons.
-
CHEERS to Balloongate.  Ha ha ha…we can laugh about it now.  On July 29, 2004, the exclamation point that was supposed to cap John Kerry's acceptance speech at the Democratic national Convention in Boston turned into an expletive-filled question mark when producer Don Mischer, not realizing his voice was going over the air, yelled:
"Jesus!  We need more balloons.  I want all balloons to go, goddammit.  I want more balloons.  What's happening to the balloons?  We need more balloons.  What the fuck are you guys doing up there??!!"
The Republic survives.

Have a nice Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"I would refuse to go to a homophobic Heaven.  No, I would say sorry, I mean I would much rather go to Cheers and Jeers."
---Desmond Tutu

-
Poll

By a show of hand, do you agree with those Republicans, led by Iowa Congressman Steve King, who claim that most undocumented workers are drug smugglers?

1%63 votes
0%18 votes
95%3266 votes
1%57 votes
0%11 votes

| 3418 votes | Vote | Results

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