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I've read and heard different opinions on why Anthony Weiner's wife ought to leave him. I've heard the question, "why does she stand by him?" spoken with disdain and incredulity. Or stating that she is embarrassing herself or feminism or some such thing for not repudiating him.  

Feh.

While everyone is standing there pointing and judging and all I'd like to point out that staying with your wife or husband while they are publicly pilloried takes guts.  That 'better or worse' is part of most American marriage vows.  It isn't 'better or until you embarrass me'.  Unlike Elliott Spitzer, Mr. Weiner hasn't broken any laws.  Unlike Govenor Appalachian Train he hasn't had an actual affair.  So really who's business is this anyway?

We have no tolerance for public sexual deviance, even though in many closets and bedrooms and under-the-bed boxes in millions of American homes is plenty of evidence of deviance.  Mr. Weiner isn't all that different from every other person who has ever taken a selfie, traded pics, chatted, fantasized in the semi-public fun house that is the internet.  Oh I've never done it.  Neither have you I bet.  Yeah right.  

Could we all collectively grow up please?  I'm feeling as if we're all getting our "holier than thou" on right now while at the same time slowing down to oggle the wreck as we pass by.  Both reactions are pretty nasty.

Mr. Weiner needs help, not with sexual deviance or compulsion, but with this clear bout of self-sabotage.  I find this self-inflicted wound of his to be sad and cause for compassion, not more judgment.  

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Comment Preferences

  •  Huma as candidate w/AW on househusband childcare (0+ / 0-)

    for a few years, would solve a lot of problems very constructively.

  •  My Mom And Dad Have Been Married For 47 Years (0+ / 0-)

    I don't think either cheated on the other. Pretty sure they didn't send nude pics of them to others. I recall as a kid I went through the drawers of my parents. Lot of sex toys. You might never think that of my parents. At many levels my parents come off as the most puritan folks in the world. But alas, maybe not so much.

    Oh I should add my parents NEVER told me sex was wrong or "dirty."

  •  I don't judge how anyone (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Miniaussiefan, elmo

    runs their marriage -- for some people, adultery (real or cyber) is the Unforgivable Sin. Others are able to work through the issue with a lot of hard work and counseling.

    It could well be that to Huma, a cyber affair was less of an offense than an actual flesh-and-blood between the sheets matter (and there's no indication that Weiner tried to physically meet any of his online correspondents). My issue is with his sending pictures of his genitalia unsolicited -- at least ask first and make sure it's okay. I've known men who've been involved in cyber affairs (IT work leaves a lot of time on your hands, especially if you're working swing or grave shifts) -- they would tell Anthony Weiner that you don't send those pictures without permission, and to make sure you know for sure who you're sending to (on the Internet, nobody knows you're a Daily Caller reporter).

    There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- goddammit, you've got to be kind. -- Kurt Vonnegut

    by Cali Scribe on Tue Jul 30, 2013 at 11:09:56 PM PDT

    •  I've Had A Online Affair With Folks (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Cali Scribe

      not married myself. I was asked to send a nude pic of myself and I never did. I am proud of my body, but alas putting that out there didn't seem like a good idea. Sexual stuff in messages, but not nude pics.

      I can't even ponder how I would send a nude pic to a women that didn't ask for one. And if she did I wouldn't.

      •  You can always do it (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        exlrrp

        where your identity (face/whatever) is still hidden -- but even then there's no guarantee that the picture you get in return is of the person you believe you're corresponding with. Just ask football player Manti Teo about that. ;-)

        There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- goddammit, you've got to be kind. -- Kurt Vonnegut

        by Cali Scribe on Tue Jul 30, 2013 at 11:24:03 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  We're all entitled (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    FG

    to our own opinions.

    I respect the diarist's, but I strongly disagree with it.

  •  What about all the vows broken by Anthony? (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Dr Erich Bloodaxe RN, Yoshimi, Debby

    Love, honor, respect, forsaking others, etc....or is Huma the only one obligated to her vows? Even in Islamic (Huma) marriage ceremonies, it's said that "husband and wife are each other’s protector and comforter."

    As far as we know -- Anthony broke the marriage, not Huma.

    Check out my progressive tshirts & gear: DemSwag.com or my hand-drawn reproduction of Rachel's Excelsior Poster from Friends available on cards, stickers, curtains etc.

    by Eileen B on Tue Jul 30, 2013 at 11:37:07 PM PDT

    •  It's Huma's marriage (0+ / 0-)

      Shouldn't it be her decision what to do about her husband's behavior?

      What I dislike about all of this is that now Huma who is being held up for criticism because she has  apparently decided not to divorce her husband and the father of her child.

      And, by the way, not all marriage services include those vows you recite. That's from the typical Christian marriage service. It's unlikely that the marriage ceremony of a Jewish person and a Muslim person followed that form, particularly as it was a civil ceremony performed by Bill Clinton.

  •  I've been married quite a long time. (8+ / 0-)

    Most of my friends are married although I also have quite a few friends and family members whose marriages have failed. It's almost always extremely difficult when that happens.

    My one rule on this topic is that no one other than the two individuals involved have any idea what it's really like to be in that marriage. Friends and family may think they do, but they don't, not really.

    Every marriage is unique.

    Setting aside obvious concerns like abuse, addiction, etc., its really not up to anyone to judge what any couple does or doesn't do.

    Vows mean what each couple believes they mean, nothing more, nothing less.

    What works perfectly for you might be an outrageous idea to me. And visa versa.

    I've lived too long, held too many crying hurting friends in my arms, seen too much. I support my friends in all stages of their marriages. I don't judge.

    © grover


    So if you get hit by a bus tonight, would you be satisfied with how you spent today, your last day on earth? Live like tomorrow is never guaranteed, because it's not. -- Me.

    by grover on Tue Jul 30, 2013 at 11:50:21 PM PDT

  •  You could come up with a ton of reasons (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Yoshimi, FG, schumann

    Including that he's just that darn good in bed or that she thinks it is in the best interests of their son to stay together.

    Sure, maybe Anthony Weiner didn't break any laws.  Newt Gingrich didn't break any laws in talking to his first wife about divorce while she was in the hospital recovering from surgery to remove a tumor, but I feel fine with judging both of them and thinking it has a bearing on their fitness for public office.

  •  His behavior is a little past embarrassing her. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Yoshimi, Debby

    How about the honor part of the vow? You might make a case for the "better or worse" part, but looking at this as simply an embarrassment for her is remarkably simplistic.

    You can't scare me, I'm sticking to the Union - Woody Guthrie

    by sewaneepat on Wed Jul 31, 2013 at 05:19:11 AM PDT

    •  People here keep assuming that the typcial (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      chicating

      Christian marriage service (love, honor, etc.) are the standard words in everybody's marriage service. They aren't.

      Those words were not part of my marriage service 29 years ago (Jewish wedding).

      •  Very good point. (0+ / 0-)

        I assume there was also no "til death us do part." I also assume that since he is Jewish and she is Muslim, they did not have a Christian ceremony.

        Still, whatever ceremony and whatever religion, it is silly IMO to view his behavior as simply an embarrassment to her.

        You can't scare me, I'm sticking to the Union - Woody Guthrie

        by sewaneepat on Wed Jul 31, 2013 at 12:53:34 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  Judging by his comment yesterday, (0+ / 0-)

    he's still doing it. I can understand a wife forgiving her husband for doing something stupid but if he continues to do that stupid thing after being caught multiple times shows that he has no respect for her.

    Kick him to the curb.    

    •  Are you married? If you are, (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      chicating

      I bet that there is at least one thing your spouse does that I would find intolerable.

      If I find that behavior intolerable, does that mean you should end your marriage based upon my (and not your) definition of what a spouse should expect in a marriage?

      At the very least, I think you can see how cruel it is to be piling criticism on Huma for not divorcing her husband.

      •  Right, I'm the bad guy here. (0+ / 0-)

        Get a clue.

        •  No, you're not the "bad guy" (0+ / 0-)

          You are, however, presuming to give marital advice to someone you've never even met, and implicitly criticizing her for the decisions she's made in her own marriage, without having nearly any of the relevant facts. Yeah, so Weiner looks from the outside like a piss poor husband, but what if he's a wonderful father to their young child?

          I think we can agree that Huma Abedin has enough to deal with without strangers piling on criticism.

  •  Screw you author (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    FG

    We are not children. We don't need to 'grow up please'.
    We're already all grown up.
    If you want to support 'The Weiner' go for it, knock yourself out. It's your right.
    But don't think for a second that I'll give you a pass on equating opposition to 'The Weiner' as childish.
    I'm a fully grown matured adult thank you very much.
    The guy is a sleeze, a creep, a liar and yeah, he does need help. But not help to get elected to ANY office.
    I wouldn't describe your support of 'The Weiner' to be childish, just misguided and wrong headed.
    Grown ups may rightly feel that way whether you agree or not.

  •  In a word, no. (0+ / 0-)

    Nobody put a gun to Weiner's head and said, "You have to run for office", he chose to do it knowing full well that his private life would come under scrutiny, and it would embarrass his wife again. Again. That he is a shameless serial sexter comes as no surprise, that he thought he could get away with it a second time is.  And if people think Huma should leave him, it's because what Weiner's doing is downright abusive.

    Weiner needs help, all right, he needs to be helped right out the fucking door.

    I've seen some hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're about twenty minutes

    by harrylimelives on Wed Jul 31, 2013 at 10:10:08 AM PDT

    •  Abusive? (0+ / 0-)

      So what you're saying is that no adult woman has the right to agree to be in a marriage if her spouse engages in online sex? What if it is the woman who engages in online sex with her husband's consent? Is her husband similarly being abused?

      •  I think it's abusive to humiliate your wife (0+ / 0-)

        I think it's abusive to use your wife as shield.  I think it's abusive to trot your wife out in front of a million flashing cameras to read a prepared statement of support, after it has been revealed that - oops - still sending pictures after he swore he'd stopped.

        So yeah, Weiner is a pretty abusive asshole.

        I've seen some hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're about twenty minutes

        by harrylimelives on Wed Jul 31, 2013 at 10:36:28 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  What about a wife behaving this way (0+ / 0-)

          toward her husband? Abusive, also?

          I'm a woman, by the way. And I find sexism in the way many are treating this situation.

          Huma Abedin is an adult and fully capable of making her own decisions about her own marriage. I am certainly not going to stand in judgment of her, or criticize her.

      •  I agree, I think that's harsh. (0+ / 0-)

        But I haven't been married, either. Never really got close.(Is it related that I've sent dirty e-mail...maybe.)

        "People are more than the worst things that they do,"--Chris Hayes

        by chicating on Wed Jul 31, 2013 at 11:09:28 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  Huma's marriage = Huma's business. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    chicating

    I've stayed out of all of the hypocritical huffing & puffing over this Wiener tabloid garbage this past few weeks (any one of us can count a 2-digit number of RWNJs who committed actual, terrible crimes & yet got an IOKIYAR free pass from the corporate media), but I cannot accept when people start trying to tell others how to live their lives.

    Once the simulacrum fizzles away & reality settles in, this couple has the right to privacy just like any other.

    Spend time with someone you care about today. Tomorrow may be too late.

    by Brown Thrasher on Wed Jul 31, 2013 at 11:03:15 AM PDT

  •  Anthony Weiner defends his spokeswoman (0+ / 0-)

    Maybe because she knows too much. Maybe Weiner has had that Barbara Morgan piece. She is pretty good looking.

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