Oklahoma City:- Late this afternoon, news was breaking that a woman in a Tulsa suburb was understood to be breastfeeding in her own home. At 4.30 pm, a local "peeping tom" called police when he peered into a living room window and rather than see a completely naked woman, or valuables worth stealing, he was "shocked to the core" at the wanton display of a partially naked breast with a baby attached.
"I was shocked, shocked I tell you", said Jeremy Byrne (48). "What is the world coming to when such shameless acts are conducted in private?" Mr Byrne is said to be recovering. A police spokesman, when asked about potential charges, replied that they felt My Byrne had suffered enough but were considering carefully how to proceed against the homeowner. "We have laws about the exposure of breasts to members of the public", said a Police Sergeant, "We will be questioning the mother later to ascertain whether or not the nipple was indeed covered by the baby, or if a pastie was worn".
We contacted Enfamil for a statement. A spokesperson said they fully supported the decision of the Oklahoma Legislature, with respect to breasts. "These women are being irresponsible", he said, "Rampant breastfeeding harms our business and costs Americans good jobs".
Senator Tom Coburn (R-OKlahoma) issued the following statement:
"This is so very typical of the damaging Liberal environment that is being created by the President. I deplore the actions of this woman, but respect her privacy. Good Christian folk don't hurt American jobs, and the blame lies firmly with the White House. This may be the smoking gun that leads to impeachment"
In other news: Mylie Cyrus ... we have no more.