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Tomorrow I'm getting dropped off in front of a homeless shelter. I'll be without a computer or much of my things.

My only computer is an older tower model that I've upgraded and more than does a great job, with lots more room for tinkering, if it has a wall to plug into. It's an old friend, the Beast is. My cell phone picks up wifi sometimes (but no cell coverage), but even that is wonky. But nothing else. They'd put me back on the sweet deal I had before.

Paypal is kicking me off, for want of $22. (There goes the shop, not that it's done much this year.)

So, a small hearing alert dog, a smashed iPhone with no connectivity, a suitcase (target, a queer Pride messenger bag, and a short female with shorter hair that's physically disabled, can't hear worth a damn, can't run, and golly gee, freezes.

No money, lots of prescription medication meds on her or bag, or suitcase. You can't leave in those shelter. It's dangerous, and you're liable for what happens.

Neither Pùka or I deal well with very hot or cold temperatures. Both could kill us. I try to keep this on the down low when in comes to me, but when I may need to be outside over 12 hours a day over winter--I just don't want anyone surprised, to to say that they didn't know.

I haven't given up. I've been making calls. The DV shelter I was in can't currently help me. The other shelter is having issues making appointments on such short notice (less than 25 hours!) while adding in the High Holy days (the added wrinkle of a service dog doesn't help). But both treated me with dignity and curtsey. Transitional housings seems a pipe dream.

And I won't be able to refill at least my tincture until my SSI comes in. I have the certificate for a few more weeks, but it's not much good.

But there's to my friends! Phone calls have been going out, emails written, plans made... I don't understand it! Me doing it, yes!

But I've always been a nobody. Oh, good enough to hold space and prepare for the real company, but I'd better pretend that I'm not there or was never there when they arrive. It's an unending cycle, from my parents on.

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And now I'm off to a shelter, which with my health as almost a death sentence. I'd thought I'd had more time, but I was mistaken. I am very bad at miscommunication. Heck, that's an understatement.

Maybe I have given up. I can't reach my doctor or friends in an emergency. I have no car or money (not hyperbole). I haven't had new panties in 4 years, for bob's sake, and 2 pairs of jeans of winter. I was making socks to keep warm, but I don't have quite the right equipment (and if I did, where would it go?).

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On those times I can get to the library and such, I'll be sure to check my email and come to Daily Kos! I'm going to miss all of you! You really do give me the kick to the ass that I really really need.

The one good thing? I'll be able to get at my mail without bothering anyone.

Silver linings, eh?

Sun Sep 01, 2013 at 12:40 AM PT:
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Thank you, everyone. I don't have a lot of time to get packed, but I will be ckecking in often. The arch in not a mistake, It's a sign of stability, and you've given me that tonight.

You've also been amazingly generous. I may be able to turn my phone back on for a month, which would make things so much easier. I could get my IP-Relay calls through it, and text messages! A non-smashed phone would wait happily for SSI.

Or just clear out my  shop! It's going on vacation soon anyway! ^.~ It will open with all new merchandise. (Gift cards mean I will do customs as possible)

Have I mentioned that you're all the greatest? I was a huddled lump, then you all gave me such lovely words! <3

Sun Sep 01, 2013 at 8:28 PM PT: Second update--should have been made early. I blame my broken brain.

I have until Tuesday because the shelter takes no intakes over the holidays. I can get prorerly packed and get my things OUT! YAY!

And everyone, you've been amazing. I can re-start my phone. I can get Pùka a proper Maine winter jacket. I can triage my lists and see what is most needed and keep an small safety net.

I wish I could give you all a group hug! {{{Kossacks}}}

Originally posted to Lorelei who now lives in Maine on Sat Aug 31, 2013 at 08:57 PM PDT.

Also republished by KosAbility, Kossacks helping each other, Positive Intention and Lovingkindness, Kos Katalogue, and House of LIGHTS.

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