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Last night, Jon Stewart looked at the arguments, both pro and con, for a strike on Syria with Aasif Mandvi, and called out both sides for bad arguments.

There's still one person we haven't heard from in the Syria bombing debate, the prospective bombee.  That's about to change in our new segment, What Does the Guy We're Thinking of Bombing Think About Us Bombing Him?

Yes, Syrian president Bashir Assad sat down recently with Charlie Rose for an interview about the very subject.  And I'll tell you what, I'm just going to write down what I think he's going to say about us bombing him.

BASHIR AL-ASSAD (9/8/2013): We've been living in difficult circumstances for the last two years and a half. ... It's going to get worse with any foolish strike or stupid war.
Oh, he's against it!  I had down "please bomb me".

Oh, that's so weird!  And for some reason, it didn't come out written with the ink of the pen I'm holding!  I probably should've thought of that.  But I didn't.

All right, let's hear Assad's arguments against bombing.

BASHIR AL-ASSAD (9/8/2013): This is the war that's going to support al-Qaeda and the same people that kill Americans on the 11th of September.
"Oh, don't bomb me, that would help al-Qaeda."  So?  Maybe we wanted to help them... fuck!  All right, you got a pretty good point there.  What about all the evidence against you?
9/8/2013:

CHARLIE ROSE: Secretary Kerry has said there is evidence that the assault rockets were fired from a region controlled by your forces. ...

BASHIR AL-ASSAD: That reminds me about what Kerry said about the big lie that Colin Powell said in front of the world on satellites about the WMD in Iraq before going to war when he said, "this is our evidence."  Actually he gave false evidence.

You needlessly invade one country based on false evidence, and suddenly you're bad at war!  Come on!  We've had a very solid war career, very solid!  Between 40 to 60% justified.  But all anybody wants to talk about is the most recent one of the wrong ones.  It's like we're the Bill Buckner of superpowers now.  Anywhere we go in the world, everybody's like, (in slow chant) "Anthrax!  Anthrax!"

And that wasn't the worst part.  Assad even used our own system of democracy against us!

BASHIR AL-ASSAD (9/8/2013): I think the most important part of this now is, let's say the American people, but the polls show that the majority now don't want the war anywhere, not only against Syria.
What kind of balls does a ruthless dictator have to cite public opinion polls?  You know, you might want to slow down there, Mr. Gallup, I'm pretty sure gassing your own people ain't hitting double digits either.

But of course, if Assad's oral argument fails to persuade, there's always threats.

9/8/2013:

CHARLIE ROSE: Will there be attacks against American bases in the Middle East if there's an airstrike? ...

BASHIR AL-ASSAD: You should expect everything.  You should expect everything.

Expect everything!

Is Assad... is he threatening us, or pitching a new tourism slogan?  "Here, your dreams are attainable.  Syria: Expect Everything!"

Video below the fold.

He then looked at the Republican candidates running for mayor of New York City.
Meanwhile, Stephen looked at the Egyptian stork thought to be a spy.
He then also covered Syria, and the right-wing rewriting what Reagan would've done with chemical weapons.
Stephen then talked about Iowa letting blind people use guns.
Jon talked with author Sheri Fink about the horrible choices some doctors had to make when they were stranded after Katrina, and Stephen talked with tennis legend Billie Jean King.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Tue Sep 10, 2013 at 10:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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