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It doesn't matter where you are. It doesn't matter what you’re doing. At any time, there could be a ninja standing right behind you.

chipmunks. Why the fuck are they so absolutely adorable? Like fuck just let me hold you. WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?

And fuck ducks. Haven’t trusted ducks since I read they had dicks longer than their bodies. That’s confidence on a scale we can't imagine.

If spiders ever figure out how to team up with ghosts we're all screwed.

I just saw a movie where Liam Neeson punched a bunch of CGI right in the face. And he meant it.

Tragedy is a hose from an exhaust pipe leading to a car window. Comedy is if it's a clown car.

I don't know if this is a regular straw or a crazy straw that's been taking its meds.

takes bong rip
turns to friend
I need an owl, a pair of glasses, and a Tootsie pop.


What if something blew up and there was only one smithereen?

30%14 votes
13%6 votes
56%26 votes

| 46 votes | Vote | Results

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