The Church of the Holy Shitters ten Commandments
1. Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit.
2. One who taketh a shit must giveth a shit.
3. Thou shalt not act like your shit doesn’t stink.
4. Thou shalt not poke one’s nose into other people’s shit.
5. If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.
6. Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.
7. Thou shalt not giveth someone shit.
8. Thou shalt conserve shit.
9. Thou shalt not take other people’s shit.
10. Thou shalt treat someone else’s shit the same way you would want your shit treated.
The Church of the Holy Shitters has ten commandments to guide us on our journey toward our Shitty Way of Life. They serve as guideposts steering us through the challenges we face in our daily lives. Today I would like to take a close look at our supreme commandment. Our first commandment of "Thou shalt pursue the understanding of Shit".
First, I would like you to take note of the Capital S given to the word shit in this commandment as compared to the small s used in all the subsequent ones. The capital S used here is for a very important reason. It indicates a difference in meaning and importance.
As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we are dedicated to Shit's elevation to a holy substance and to giving Shit a paramount place in our ass-forward way of thinking.
The Church of the Holy Shitters celebrates the fact that each person’s bowel movement is unique and should be regarded with wondrous appreciation. Each one of us ejects unique shapes, sizes, textures, smells and colors of the stuff every day. It is important to look before you flush and contemplate and understand what your excrement is telling you. We believe it is important to learn from it.
But this commandment dictates from us much more. Beyond the mere contemplation and understanding of the physical fecal material emanating from our butts each day, this first commandment instructs us to strive to have Smart Shits through the practice of the Sacrament of Holy Shitting. Let me explain.
Our Church teaches us that there are two kinds of shits in the world: dumb shits and Smart Shits.
A dumb shit is a non-reflective, self-centered act. You want to dump and go. You don’t have time to think about the eat/shit cycle. You don’t have time to reflect on your actions. You don’t give a shit about Shit. You are in a state of denial about your own shit. You think your shit doesn’t stink. You feel you can control shit. You crave shitty food. You want it all from Mother Earth and you want it now. You are basically a short-sighted dumb ass!
A Smart Shit, on the other hand, is a reflective, meditative, contemplation of all that has transpired since the last time you took a dump. You take the time to really look at things. You are keenly aware of the eat/shit cycle. Consequently you do a physical self-assessment where you ask yourself some of the following questions: Were you good to the earth during this interval? Did you act in a sustainable non-wasteful way? Were you a good custodian of your ecosystem? Did you put good food into your body? It is also a mental self-assessment where you ask yourself such things as: Did you not bullshit others? Did you refrain from giving others shit? Did you give a shit about others? Did you needlessly get upset over useless shit? Did you act as if your shit doesn’t stink?
Thus you perform an honest physical and mental self-assessment of your actions as you perform the actual act of getting rid of your fecal material. You resolve to correct your deficiencies and improve yourself between now and your next dump. As you physically let go of your physical shit you simultaneously let go of your mental shit as well. In the proper conduct of this ritual you receive the Sacrament of Holy Shitting.
Our religion demands that we think about a substance that is constantly ignored by the vast majority of the world's population. This lack of contemplation leads to a mental state we call ass-backward thinking. Ass-backward thinking results in a whole host of problems not being dealt with in a constructive manner.
There is a reason people call a toilet a head. For many of us, in our hectic world, it is the few moments in our day where we can sit, relax, contemplate and examine our lives in a personal and intimate way.
Have a Smart Shit!
The Church of the Holy Shitters will post articles on our holy S.H.I.T. day ( So Happy It's Thursday)
Last week: 9/5/13 - Thought Constipation Syndrome (TCS) Treatment
Next week: 9/19/13 - Decrapulation
Hoping to add some humor, provoke thought, spark debate, deepen understanding, and shed some light on the fecal side.Remember: "If we really want to straighten out all this crap we really need to think about shit." ( Shitbit by Poop John the First of the Church of the Holy Shitters)Church of the Holy ShittersA secular environmental religion, scientifically based, with a focus on the psychology of it all. Our ego is the culprit when it comes to dealing with climate change. We cannot save the planet. We can only save ourselves. Our current egotistical self-perception makes that prospect a dubious one at best. Meekness, humility and a realization that our shit does stink, guides us on our path to true sustainable living and climate equilibrium.
Author's note: This series is a tongue-in-cheek attempt to approach our serious environmental problems from a fecal perspective. A little humor and a good laugh lifts spirits. When involved with such issues as climate change such moments are necessary I think.
On the serious side I posted this diary entitled Hummingbirds: Plant for the Planet on Tuesday and am doing everything I can to promote this blogathon. Thanks in advance for your support!
Cross posted at http://holyshitters.com/
"Hummingbirds" Blogathon: September 9-September 13, 2013
In May 2006, the late environmental activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner Wangari Maathai addressed 7,000 international educators who had gathered in Montreal for the 58th annual conference of the National Association of Foreign Student Advisers (NAFSA). Here is the story she shared with them.
One day a terrible fire broke out in a forest - a huge woodlands was suddenly engulfed by a raging wild fire. Frightened, all the animals fled their homes and ran out of the forest. As they came to the edge of a stream they stopped to watch the fire and they were feeling very discouraged and powerless. They were all bemoaning the destruction of their homes. Every one of them thought there was nothing they could do about the fire, except for one little hummingbird.
This particular hummingbird decided it would do something. It swooped into the stream and picked up a few drops of water and went into the forest and put them on the fire. Then it went back to the stream and did it again, and it kept going back, again and again and again. All the other animals watched in disbelief; some tried to discourage the hummingbird with comments like, "Don't bother, it is too much, you are too little, your wings will burn, your beak is too tiny, it’s only a drop, you can't put out this fire."
And as the animals stood around disparaging the little bird’s efforts, the bird noticed how hopeless and forlorn they looked. Then one of the animals shouted out and challenged the hummingbird in a mocking voice, "What do you think you are doing?" And the hummingbird, without wasting time or losing a beat, looked back and said:
"I am doing what I can." In this time of escalating climate change, this is our challenge.
To refuse to surrender to the apathy of denialism and fatalism.
To be fierce in our defense of the Earth.
To continue to fight in the face of overwhelming odds.
And always, always, to do what we can.
Because it is only by each of us doing what we can, every day, that we will save the Earth – for ourselves, and for the generations to come. Like the hummingbird.
Our Daily Kos community organizers are Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse, boatsie, rb137, JekyllnHyde, citisven, peregrine kate, John Crapper, Aji, and Kitsap River. Photo credit and copyright: Kossack desertguy and Luma Photography. All rights reserved. Used with permission.