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                                           Live troll owning below the fold.

Troll annihilation is supremely difficult – so much so that the adage Don't feed the troll has become the normative piece of advice when they appear. Ignore them, and they will go away, the logic goes.

However, this advice doesn't work with bullies, and it often doesn't work with trolls. Which is why I've developed the Jedi Troll Owning Protocol (JTOP), which not only reduces trolls to rubble, but does so while leaving you in a blissful state of mystic euphoria.

Let me demonstrate how this works:

Several days ago, I began a successful AMA (Ask Me Anything) post on Reddit on the occasion of the publishing of my book: What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist Who Tried to Kill Your Wife?

The book's topic – my reconciliation with the Palestinian family of the bomber who injured my wife – was guaranteed to attract trolls, and I was ready for them.

Which is why, when Fat_Bastard came knocking on my door, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. Let's look at his troll "question," after which I'll reveal and explain my Jedi methods.

How do you deal with your Stokholm syndrome?

EDITED: Legit question. Here is the definition from the Wikipedia: Stockholm syndrome, or capture–bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. The FBI's Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly 27% of victims show evidence of Stockholm syndrome.

Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm syndrome is based on Freudian theory. It suggests that the bonding is the individual’s response to trauma in becoming a victim. Identifying with the aggressor is one way that the ego defends itself. When a victim believes the same values as the aggressor, they cease to be a threat.

It is very clear that you are seeking to bond with your wife's tormentor in order to stop perceiving him as a threat. Why?

Now, Step 1 is to eschew all negative emotions, such as anger or hatred, just like good Jedi would. This allows for the fun and creativity to begin. Step 2 is to identify the principal weakness in the troll's comment. Not a logical fallacy, mind you, but something you can use to reveal the troll's absurdity. In this case, I honed in on the word 'Stockholm.' Step 3: mock the troll by mirroring its comment's structure.


Why do you hate Sweden so much?

EDITED: Legit question. Here is the definition of classic Sweden hatred, or Polish-revenge, which is a psychological phenomenon in which Polish people (or those why sympathize with Poland) express hatred for anything Swedish, including meatballs, massages, fish and vallhunds.

It's very clear that you are seeking to channel your Sweden hatred in this comment. My question is: why?

Notice the joyful, sarcastic response that turns Fat_Bastard's comment on its head by revealing its absurdity? The troll was not prepared, as evidenced by his response:
When I will post "I am Polish. I hate Sweden. AMA", your question will become legitimate. Until then it is trolling, pure and simple.
Poor Fat_Bastard. He knows how to respond to anger or frustration, but he doesn't understand how to respond to a Jedi, which is why he essentially points and yells, "No, you're the troll!"

At this point, it becomes a matter of identifying an obvious opening for ridicule in the troll's comment, which is pure child's play – with play being the operative word. I responded:

Hi pot, have you met this guy named kettle?

You have? Great. So glad you're friends.

Fat_Bastard, so befuddled by the whole exchange, begins to lose his footing and capacity to make sense:
You really are uncapable of comprehending the difference? So sad...
I respond:
Between a pot and a kettle? Indeed -- because they appear identical.

A point you seem incapable of accepting.

So sad...

The troll, at this point, is so angered by your approach that the unraveling begins, as evidenced by the angry rambling and clear frustration:
If you are uncapable of making a distinction between a legitimate (that's what AMA is for, n'est ces pas?) question directly related to a symptom exhibited by an original poster and an unrelated question directed to somebody else, you are a very sad case indeed.

The original poster needs help. That's beyond discussion. But so do you, apparently. His condition is treatable. Yours - not so sure.

I will grant you this - I get it why you hate my question so much. I get your disappointment. The original story of an evil zionist coming out of closet and learning to sympathise with a cute jihadi who almost put his wicked wife out of her evil zionist misery is far more fap-worthy than a story of a broken man who tries to cope with PTSD by rationalising something that cannot be rationalized. Well, brush me off and keep fapping - that's what reddit is for. Not my loss.

And so I happily shoot the fish remaining in the barrel:
Let me help you:

    A) It's incapable, not uncapable.
    B) I'm the OP, though of the two of us, I'm not so sure I'm the one who needs help.
        (See exhibit A.)
    C) I'm offended by your finding jihadis cute. You must be suffering from Jihadi
        Attachment Syndrome.

Fat_Bastard has lost, utterly defeated, and has nothing left to do other than abandon ship:
Thank you sir, I got all the answers I was interested in. Enjoy the rest of your life.  
Which makes it time to sign off, Jedi style:
No, thank you! And please, do enjoy yours.

Cracks open a beer and cuddles with my newest kidnapper.

Fat_Bastard never appeared again, and he likely won't appear in any of my further posts on any forum.

Because nobody wants to do battle with a Jedi.

Live Update:

Perfect timing! A new troll has appeared at another of my posts, this time a Tikkun offering entitled, "I Had to Tell My Children Their Mother Was Almost Murdered. Here’s What Happened …"

This troll is unique, in that he attempts to troll me by critiquing me, not for the article, but for someone who commented on my book's Amazon site.

Watch the magic!

Here's his comment:

I have to say it is positively Machiavellian that you can so effortlessly switch between presenting this feel-good peacenik stuff to one audience, and then turn around and drum up support with notorious Holocaust Revisionist Greta Berlin, as can be seen at the Amazon link. Do you get vertigo from the massive contradictions, or is this somehow consistent in your world?
Remember the steps? 1) Eschew anger, 2) identify the weakness, and 3) mock?

Here's my response:

If Greta Berlin commenting on my Amazon book site is me drumming up her support, then you commenting here is me drumming up your support.

In other words: Thanks for the support!

And we await the counter punch. The Jedi mind focuses.

Originally posted to David Harris-Gershon (The Troubadour) on Sun Sep 15, 2013 at 10:10 AM PDT.

Also republished by Writing by David Harris Gershon and Adalah — A Just Middle East.

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