I saw this comment in the San Francisco Chronicle this morning and loved it. I went to work, came home and loved it more. Some great points are made here and I wish I could take some credit. The least I can do is share it. This was stolen from "boozer, [posted at] 8:57 AM on October 1, 2013":
Things you gotta believe to be a Republican today
* Sending racy Tweets and pictures of yourself to a woman you aren't married to is a much more serious crime than being a "pro-life" congressman who makes your wife and your mistress get abortions.
* Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, and Steve Stockman are intelligent, rational human beings.
* You decry your party's reputation as "the stupid party" while approving legislation to have creationism taught in science class.
* Willard Mitt Rmoney lost the election because he wasn't conservative enough.
* The fact that business leaders can throw hundreds of millions of dollars at Karl Rove and other SuperPACs to try and buy the election doesn't mean they can also afford to pay their employees living wages with good benefits.
* Obamacare is the reason your hours are being cut and your pay is not going up; the CEO's $15 million bonus has nothing to do with it.
* Gun ownership is a right. Heath care is a privilege. If a kids die because of treatable cancer or a nutcase gunning them down, oh well.
* You support drug testing of welfare recipients, but oppose criminal background checks and mental health screening of gun buyers.
* The First Amendment shouldn't apply to TV, radio, video games, or the Internet because those things didn't exist in 1787. The Second Amendment applies to automatic rifles and anti-personnel ammunition even though those things didn't exist in 1787.
* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire or drowns in a hurricane, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid.
* A guy who once shot his friend in the face, possibly while being roaring drunk at the time, has the moral authority to speak out in opposition to gun control.
* Germany gets more sunlight than California.
* $250,000 a year is "poor", but the federal minimum wage is too high.
* Actually allowing black people to vote is "racial entitlement"
* You're a Birther who likes the idea of Ted Cruz running for President.
He'll remain anonymous, I guess (unless he's a DKos member). But I appreciate his logic, wit or simply his ability to collect poignant quotes.