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   LONDON (AP) -- British Prime Minister David Cameron once again castigated US President Barack Obama for refusing to negotiate on the new British plan for all Americans to once again pay all their taxes to the British monarchy. Saying that "Britain is sitting at the table, but the US refuses to compromise," Cameron derided Obama for "being willing to negotiate with Iran, but not with its historical motherland, England."

   For his part, Obama said that US independence from Great Britain was "settled law." To Cameron's assertion that the "US rejected King George, but Queen Elizabeth is one of the most respected figures in US popular culture, and the least the US could do is hold a plebiscite!" White House spokesman Jay Carney responded: "They had their chance in the 1700's, but opted not to work with us then. They can't really claim that we have been secret British subjects the whole time just in order to claim the contents of our Treasury."

    House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), however, supported the proposed recolonization. "This has absolutely nothing to do with our opposition to everything that Barack Obama does." At a noontime press conference, Boehner mumbled allegiance to the Union Jack, and then  argued that Obama's refusal to even consider recolonization "violated every American's right to self-determination. Freedom means having the power to choose between Monarchy and Federalism." Vowing to rename the Republican Party the "New Tory Party", Boehner also threatened to use the power of the purse to force Obama to compromise on the measure.

    Members of the Tea Party gathered at Boston Harbor in support of recolonization, where they dumped cups of coffee and symbolically marched to Shaw's supermarket to purchase boxes of Twinings tea. They then refused to pay for it, and brewed vats of tea in the parking lot. Among the politicians who attended were Ted Cruz (R-TX), who came dressed as the March Hare, and reasoned: "This is exactly the kind of Tea Party our founding fathers held. Isn't it?"

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