Last night, Bill Maher showed how Michele Bachmann and Antonin Scalia have the same deluded mindset about how the world works, and yet Scalia seems to have more credibility in his role as a Supreme Court justice.
New Rule: Bill O'Reilly has to tell us why he's always thinking about murder. Since Obama was elected, Bill has written three books about killing major historical figures, and Bill, I agree. How tragic that Kennedy, Lincoln, and Jesus — these heroic liberal social reformers had to die after being vilified by panicky backwards-looking conservative blowhards. (wild audience cheering and applause) You truly have done a great service pointing this out. And I look forward to your new children's book, "Killing the Cat in the Hat". (audience laughter)Video below the fold.
And finally, New Rule: I know we can't establish a religious test for office, but if you believe we're living in the End Times like Michele Bachmann does, we get to take away the car keys. Yes, let Jesus take the wheel. If you think the world is about to end, that's your right, but you don't get to vote on next year's budget, because it doesn't concern you. (wild audience cheering and applause)REP. MICHELE BACHMANN, R-MN (10/5/2013): Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand!Of course, if Michele is right and Jesus is on his way back, he'll be the first man she ever saw coming. (wild audience laughter) But she's not the only person in Washington who'd be more comfortable on American Horror Story. (audience laughter)
In an interview this week, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says he believes the Devil is a real person who's running around getting people to not believe in God. What can I say? I started to blush. (audience laughter) Blush and laugh, because reasonable people — you know them — they usually see Michele Bachmann as a total loon, but Scalia as a serious intellectual. When actually, they're the exact same idiot.
Scalia says in the interview that he's "puzzled" that the Devil is all over the New Testament, but we don't see him around anymore. Oh yeah, back in the old days, Satan was like Miley Cyrus's tongue — he was everywhere. But you know, this Devil not being around anymore thing? It's not something that puzzles me. In fact, usually when I hear someone talking like this, it's because I'm dropping change in their cup.
But somehow, the lack of Beelzebub sightings positively mystifies the leading legal mind in conservative America. Scalia says:ANTONIN SCALIA (10/6/2013): In the Gospels, the Devil is doing all sorts of things. He's making pigs run off cliffs, he's possessing people and whatnot. And that doesn't happen very much anymore.(audience laughter)
I kept waiting for the transcript to say, "Ha ha, I'm just fucking with you!" (audience laughter)
Pigs? Running off cliffs? Hey, leave the debt ceiling deniers out of this! And what is Justice Scalia's theory as to why we don't see the Devil anymore? Is it the logical answer, that fictions like the Devil are in the Bible because it was written before the age of science, when humans didn't know where the Sun went at night, and is obviously a reflection of mankind's thinking in his intellectual infancy? Of course not! That makes sense! What Scalia said about the Devil is:ANTONIN SCALIA (10/6/2013): He used to be all over the New Testament. ... What happened to him? ... He got wilier.Motherfucker! (audience laughter) Of course! Wilier! He may be evil, but he's always looking to improve himself. Antonin Scalia once said that people like him, who adhere to traditional beliefs were "regarded as simple-minded". We are, he said, "fools for Christ". You know, whether you're fools for Christ or cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, I really don't care why someone acts like a fool, just that they do, and that when they do, we keep them away from decision-making.
It would be one thing if Mr. Scalia sold pizza for a living, but this is a man we go to to interpret our laws. It's like smelling a gas leak and calling an exorcist. (audience laughter)
Antonin Scalia put George Bush in the White House. And he believes the Devil went down to Georgia. He gets to decide when life begins, and he thinks evil is a person. You know, like a corporation.
Here's the problem with believing the Devil exists. It means you see the world divided into teams of good and evil, and suspect the wily one may be on the side of them. And when you start seeing compromising with your opponents as a compromise with evil, well, there's your Tea Party.