Let me first say that I am implicated in the rape culture not only in Maryville Missouri, where I played football and grew up, but also that which prevails across our country. And I owe an apology to girls like Daisy Coleman who have been victims of sexual violence, as well as other who have been bullied or otherwise abused.
Because I was there - literally - in that locker room. Not during Daisy's time, but years earlier. And when people called you a skank, or a fag, or said they'd "bone" you or kick your ass, I didn't join in. But I didn't speak up, either. For my own reasons of fear and insecurity, I didn't speak up when I could have. I didn't just put a foot forward in that room and say something even so simple as "hey guys.. come on! I don't really want to hear that stuff." and I could have. I am very sorry that I didn't do more, because clearly the culture didn't change - hasn't changed. If it had, we wouldn't be having to read about stories like this.
What I wish I had remembered is a statement someone else from that town recently posted on the Justice for Daisy Facebook page:
We in Maryville bask in good feelings about our town and our university and their successes, but we have failed to protect our young people...our silence condemns us...the criminal justice system in ANY community reflects the power structure of the community...too few people in Maryville take leadership when something bad happens...because parents were not vigilant and failed to hold their children accountable, the lives of all the young people involved are permanently damaged...the kindest gift you can give your children is to hold them accountable for their actions...stand with them, but make them accountable..adults should confront bullying and bad behavior when the see it..the young men in this case DID NOT play on the football team last year...the superintendent of schools took heat for this decision...signs condemning him and the school board appeared east of Maryville...I call on all the citizens of Maryville to support Daisy next Tuesday..including the members of our championship football teams..we should have offered our support to our children before this tragedy left a permanent mark on them..it takes a village to raise a child, and we are all responsible...will leaders please step up?
And I really should have taken more of that to heart when I had the opportunity to hold my peers to that standard of accountability. It's a responsibility guys have as teammates, school peers, brothers, parents, teachers, etc etc. It's a responsibility I had - to lead - and allowed fear to get the best of me. And, like I said, I really should have known better, because the above statement was written by my father, who taught me more than enough about respecting and standing up for all people - women and men, popular and unpopular, etc.
So, if you look at the Maryville rape case and are so angry that you want to blame someone for what went wrong - you can start with me - DKOS UID 5593. Because I didn't speak out when I should have. Please accept my apologies.