Every so often, I come across a show that I feel merits comment and review.
One such drama is the 12 part, anime series, Watamote or “No Matter How I Look at It, It’s You Guys' Fault I’m Not Popular!”
It is in my opinion at least, one the most remarkable and compelling stories I have ever seen.
What makes Watamote stand out is it is the first program I have ever seen, either in live action or anime, that deals honestly or frankly with the issue of Severe Social Anxiety Disorder or SSAD.
While there have been other very good shows that deal with the subject of agoraphobia (Welcome to the NHK) or loners (My Romantic Teen Comedy SNAFU), this is the first I have ever seen that presents us with a protagonist who struggles against a condition she does not want and can not explain. It also does not give us the comfortable “out” that we come to expect from TV dramas and instead repeatedly and mercilessly hits us with the reality of life for people with SSAD.
Ostensibly, presented as a comedy, it is actually a “light” tragedy that is at times difficult to watch. The protagonist is Tomoko, a 15 year old girl who suffers from an undiagnosed condition of SSAD that is so crippling she is barely able to squeak out a good bye to her teacher at the end of the day or to order a hamburger from a McDonalds.
It is clear as the story unfolds that Tomoko has suffered from this condition her entire life, but is only now acutely aware of it and the limitations it has caused. As a child she had an admiring younger brother to play with and when she entered Middle School, she made friends with another equally awkward and shy girl, named Yui. She has satisfied the need for human contact and social interaction through fantasy, Manga and interactive video games.
But now, at 15, she has entered High School and despite promising herself that High School would be a turning point in her life, after 2 months has no friends, has never spoken to a boy, will likely never have a boyfriend, and is slowly realizing that nothing is going to change. At a loss to understand why she is so unremarkable, ignored and alone, she sets out to find a way to change her condition. It is her various attempts to make this change that is the basis of the show and is the source of the bittersweet humour as well as some of the most painfully sad TV I have ever witnessed.
We quickly learn that Yui has gone off to a different school and Tomoko hasn’t seen her in over a year. Her brother has grown up to be popular, attractive athlete who considers his sister an idiot, weird and annoying. So distant has he become from his sister that she has to threaten to kill herself before he will even agree to let her talk to him.
In the first episodes, we witness Tomoko’s first attempt at improving her condition. When she realizes she hasn’t spoken to anyone in 2 months and is losing the ability to communicate with strangers, she asks her brother to let her talk to him for an hour each day just so she can retain the ability of human speech. Later, when Tomoko is able to say good-bye to her teacher, she celebrates by going to a store for some treats. When she finds she is also able to squeak a reply to the handsome male store clerk, she declares herself to be on a roll and rather than going straight home goes to a manga shop to read comic books and then to a McDonald’s for the first time in her life for a hamburger.
Tomoko’s enjoyment of her day ends when classmates of hers come into the same restaurant. Fearing they will see her eating alone and will pity or laugh at her, she devises a disguise and tries to sneak out without being seen, only to run into her brother coming in with some friends. Her brother pushes past her without comment, but Tomoko overhears one of his friends commenting on how ugly she looks and what a waste she is. The day ends with Tomoko sitting dejectedly by herself in a playground having to be retrieved by her brother who tells her simply to come home.
Following episodes show us Tomoko’s friendship with Yui who suddenly calls her out of the blue asking to spend the day together. This episode deals with Tomoko desperately trying to come up with something interesting to tell Yui about herself. Anxious not to be seen as the same uninteresting person she was in middle school, she tries attempt after attempt to have an interesting experience. By the end of the week she has managed to catalogue such incidents as “slept in infirmary next to a boy in other bed”. Knowing these hardly are real accomplishments, Tomoko is very anxious before seeing Yui. Her anxiety is only worsened when she sees the changes in her old friend. The shy clumsy girl is gone and has been replaced with a young woman with dyed hair, wearing mini skirts and contact lenses.
Despite this, Tomoko begins to relax when she discovers her friend is still into anime, manga and video games just like her. She is, Tomoko feels, still the same old Yui. They spend the day together and for the first time in months, Tomoko enjoys herself. At the end of the day, they are back at the playground and Yui has to go home. She tells Tomoko how much she liked being with her again and how much she wished they were still going to the same school. Moved by this expression of affection and concern, something she gets so little of from anyone, Tomoko is emboldened to shout to the retreating figure of Yui the truth about her life; it hasn’t gotten better, it is worse, she is lonely and friendless, but she keeps trying and Yui should keep trying as well. Yui shouts back her gratitude for this encouragement and tells Tomoko the reason she was sad too. She had had a fight with her boyfriend. Crushed, Tomoko drowns out the rest of her friend’s words by plugging in her iPod and playing a love song she listens to when she is depressed.
As I have said, this is not an easy program to watch. Anyone who suffered with or who currently suffers from SSAD, will find each episode triggering painful memories and emotions. I found myself almost moved to tears on more than one occasion. The events depicted so disturbingly mirrored many of my own experiences growing up.
But that is the power of this show. It is the honest and sometimes brutal display of what it is like to have SSAD, in a way that is neither condescending nor clichéd, that is what makes it so captivating. Tomoko can’t be rescued by getting a friend. She can’t be saved by a lover. Her expectation and understanding of what love and friendship are have been horribly twisted by fantasy games and manga heroes. Tomoko is trapped in a prison she doesn’t understand. Everyone she knows; her brother, Yui, her classmates, are growing up, maturing and developing, but Tomoko, at 15, is still mentally and emotionally an eight year old. She still plays a child’s card game with 9 year olds and visits penny candy stores when she wants to go someplace nice. In one poignant scene, a distraught and crying Tomoko tries to climb into her brother’s bed for comfort as a child might.
It is clear that the only way the creator could even begin to approach the subject of SSAD this honestly is by having had the condition herself. And I suspect the creator is a woman. I doubt a male could have presented the angst and confusion of a 15 year old girl as believably as this. I could be wrong, but would be surprised if I were.
There are moments throughout the series that puncture through the fourth wall and tell us we are witnessing someone else’s real pain. What we are seeing isn’t just an anime fantasy, but a real person’s ugly life story. When Tomoko shelters from a pouring rain storm and is suddenly joined by two boys her own age, she tries to reply to their attempts to strike up a conversation by saying “it’s raining”. Before she spoke, anyone who has experienced SSAD knew instinctively and immediately that this was going to be her reply. It is the type of obvious and ludicrous statement they would have made in similar circumstances.
The depiction of the character of Yui is another example of the show’s honesty. Yui’s presence let’s us know that what Tomoko is experiencing isn’t just the normal awkward phase of adolescence that many, if not most, go through. Yui was a nerd who out grew her awkwardness as she developed into a young teen. Tomoko on the other hand, can not even comprehend how such a change is even possible. Even though she is feeling the same yearnings to grow as much as Yui has, Tomoko is plainly incapable of doing so. Only someone who has experienced this difficultly directly could have the insight to weave it so artfully into the overall story.
As well, absent from the series is the usual suspects we find typically in both Japanese and Western depictions of lonely people. There are no bullies and Tomoko is not abused or ridiculed. With the exception of her brother (who clearly has come to despise his sister), no one bothers Tomoko and some even go out of their way to be nice to her. But also absent is that circle of friends and comrades who magically appear, seemingly out of no where, to aid the protagonist and guide her through to personal growth. This absence is even commented on by Tomoko who keeps hoping for such a rescuer only to finally recognize that no one was coming. In real life, she remarks bitterly, nobody notices people who are forgettable.
If I have one complaint regarding the show, it is, regretfully, the Japanese demand for perseverance clouds the story and hides the real cause of Tomoko’s pain and difficulty. The philosophy of personal self-reliance and “ganbatte” (try your hardest), pervades. As a result, we don’t get what this story has been demanding from the beginning; the factual reason for Tomoko’s condition and why all of her attempts at change are doomed to failure. In our final scene, we have Tomoko at her computer, as deep in denial and ignorance as she was at the beginning. That is an oversight, I feel, that does a great disservice to those in the audience who would most strongly identify with Tomoko and who would be as desperate for answers as she was.
Regardless of your opinion of anime, subtitles, or shows about teen life, I would strongly recommend watching Watamote to everyone I know. It is available online in streaming video with captions and on demand from certain cable providers.