From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Monday Morning Poetry Slam
Very clever, Mr. Cruz.Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
You sharpened your extremist views
Consulted your fundraising muse
From the tea party you took your cues
With extremists you did schmooze
(The ones who couldn't buy themselves clues)
And then you lit the fuse
In fancy wingtip shoes
Like molasses, your venom did ooze
Our democracy you did misuse
While orchestrating your ruse
Tightening your screws
And making your GOP colleagues choose
(Through breath reeking of booze)
The manner by which they would all lose
Leaving the Grand Old Party singin' the blues
I saw the outcome on the evening news
The backlash left you with a Texas-size bruise
Oh, yes. Very clever indeed, Mr. Cruz.
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, October 21, 2013
Note: Leaf unemployment surges as millions are let go. Film at 11.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween: 10
Days 'til the Terlingua International Championship Chili Cookoff in Texas: 10
Value by which the broad stock market has increased this year: $4 trillion
As a percentage: 23.5%
(Source: Wilshire Associates)
Number of characters Chinese students need to master for functional literacy: 4,000
(Source: USA Today)
Average number of times in a year that single men aged 18-25 wash their sheets: 4
MLB Championship Playoffs
Boston Red Sox win the pennant over the Detroit Tigers 4 games to 2
St. Louis Cardinals win the pennant over the L.A. Dodgers 4 games to 2
Puppy Pic of the Day: Welcome…
CHEERS to more "Mazel tovs!" It amazes me how quickly the dominoes can fall on the issue of marriage equality. For example: there were no legally-binding marriage ceremonies for gay couples being performed in New Jersey on Friday. Then the state Supreme Court waved its magic wand and---[Jazz Hands!!!]---wedding bells be ringin' on Monday! In fact, by the time you read this Cory Booker has likely performed at least seven ceremonies, which I believe makes him the first senator-elect to do so. Of course, opponents---led by the National Organization for Marriage---will be mad as hornets. After all, look at the kinds of despicable people the state now views as "equal under the law":
equality states in blue. New
Mexico may join 'em this week.
They met through mutual friends at a party. [Beth] Asaro asked [Joanne] Schailey for her phone number. Schailey, smitten, gave it.Figures. Embracing communist vittles and a movie with an anti-gun message---lord help us all. Meanwhile, the New Jersey Association of Wedding Planners issued a brief statement: "Woohoooo!!!!!" Who says Mondays have to suck?
For their first date, they ate dinner at a Chinese restaurant and watched the movie “Stand By Me.” Twenty-seven years later, it’s a tradition that remains intact, the couple said in the living room of their home. A night of Chinese food and a movie is “still our favorite thing to do,” Asaro said.
CHEERS to words of wisdom from an expectant father. From what I understand, Kossack 'Ministry of Truth'---aka Jesse LaGreca, aka the most popular voice of the Occupy movement---is going to be a dad soon. Despite having that on his mind, he joined Ed Schultz Friday for a discussion of the tea party's latest Quixotic stand. I thought he drew a nice contrast between the current state of the left and the right:
LaGreca on the (lower) right.
"If you want to compare and contrast what has Occupy Wall Street done versus what has the tea party done: well, Occupy Wall Street didn’t cost America 24 billion dollars [and] shut down the government across the country … Occupy Wall Street talked about creating a better economy for a hundred percent of America, recognizing the fact that the wealthiest one percent are basically profiting off the rest of us, and taking money out of politics. … The tea party has basically proven to America that if the conservatives actually get more conservative, every independent voter in America will run screaming in the opposite direction."Upon which we'll welcome them with open arms. And lots of towels to wipe off the residual slime.
JEERS to the "fearful" warmonger. Another bizarre revelation from the previous administration came to light over the weekend when Dick Cheney revealed that in 2007 he had doctors swap out his high-tech defibrillator for one without remote-control capacity. Reason: he was scared that terrorists would figure out how to short-circuit his heart by remote control. So obviously they went for his brain instead. (And apparently succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.)
CHEERS to flying fingers. On October 21, 1918, a typing speed record was set by Margaret Owen of New York City: 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. Here's a sample:
Jig Thyebeg ehdrhi slaw 948has no jdo0-fghbf reydhgnc convkde braggadocio 94u8457b og nut arkblarg Gimbel manly thwabe rocksIt was the start of a lucrative career writing Republican campaign speeches.
CHEERS to being wanted. A violin used by the band leader Wallace Hartley on the Titanic went on the auction block and was sold for $1.6 million:
The violin, with Hartley’s name on it, is believed to have been found at sea with the musician’s body more than a week after the Titanic sank. “Mr. Hartley and the band were very brave people ... standing by their posts to the bitter end,” auctioneer Andrew Aldridge said ahead of the sale. … Aldridge said the buyer, who bid over the phone, wished to remain anonymous.Democrats wanted to buy it to play a sad song for the recently-vanquished Republicans in Congress, but after inspecting it they agreed that it wasn't nearly small enough.
Five years ago in C&J: October 21, 2008
POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND GOOD WISHES to the Obama family. Barack is suspending his campaign activities Thursday and Friday so he can fly to Hawaii and, presumably, say goodbye to his grandmother, who appears to have taken a rapid turn for the worse. Surrogates: to battle stations---and remember whose shoes you're filling. Be snappy, pithy, funny, smart and cool. We'll be taking notes.
CHEERS! to wet dreams. In Marino, Italy, residents found they had an unexpected source of white wine---their taps:
but sometimes we get
chowder in our bread.
At the heart of the town's famous Sagra dell'Uva, or Grape Festival, is the moment when sparkling white wine flows from the fountains in the main square.There were only a few complaints. Mainly from the village's insufferable pinot lovers.
But this year locals and tourists had to make do with water, as bad plumbing meant the wine supply was switched by mistake to local homes.
And just one more…
CHEERS to steady hands. Lost in all the political hubbub of late is the fact that Halloween is just around the corner. We were planning to put on a fur-lined parka and a wig, climb in a crop-duster and rain candy corn down on all the good village folk. But apparently there are certain FAA "regulations" that prohibit such unfettered joy. So instead, we thought it'd be nice to sit in a dark room and marvel at the insanely cool pumpkin carving skills of Ray Villafane, aka "The Picasso of pumpkin carving." Like this one…
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:-
One million fake Bill in Portland Maines from China seized at airport