Dewey sends in the clowns
by Barry Friedman
We had a nice mayoral race going on in Tulsa between incumbent Dewey Bartlett, the Republican, and challenger Kathy Taylor, the former mayor, the Democrat. KATHY and DEWEY yard signs--yes, people speak of them on a first name basis (incidentally, having a mayor whose first name is DEWEY takes some getting used to)--sit in front of businesses and homes, the two are on covers of local magazines, cooking and smiling, and the tone of the campaign, while not transcendent, has, by national standards, been almost civil. Taylor is my choice, by a wide margin, but Bartlett is an otherwise sane human being who--and Taylor supporters won't admit this--hasn't been the worst thing that's ever happened to the place and won't be the worst thing if he's re-elected. But yesterday, Dewey's friends gassed up the car, rolled into town, and started honking the horn and talking loud and crazy.
A roomful of Republicans, including most area GOP legislators, U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe, 1st District Congressman Jim Bridenstine and, in a cameo, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum, circled up for Mayor Dewey Bartlett at the Tulsa Press Club.For starters, what in the name of a surrey with a fringe on top is Rick Santorum doing here? He knows and cares as much about Tulsa as I do fly fishing.
“I heard Jim Inhofe was going to be in town, and I thought I’d come by and say, ‘Hi,’ ” said Santorum, who was in Tulsa to promote a film.Though you'd come by and say 'Hi' because Jim Inhofe was going to be in town?
How stupid do you think we are?
Don't answer that. We already know.
"President Obama has said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob," Santorum said Saturday.Incidentally, Santorum's film--and he's actually CEO of EchoLight Studios, a Christian film company--is called Christmas Candle, which, we have on good authority, is about Christmas and a candle. Its focus, says the former presidential candidate, is to take back the movies from the dark forces of the Weinsteins, uh Beelzebub, who has had them a long time.
How long? Glad you asked.
“This is a tough business, this is something that we’re stepping out,” Santorum said, “and the Devil for a long, long time has had this, these screens, for his playground and he isn’t going to give it up easily.”Okay, well, thanks for the endorsement and good luck shutting down the Hell Cineplex 20.
And what would a mayoral race in America's 46th largest city be without some sanctimonious first-term congressman turning it into a referendum on the evils of reproductive freedom?
“On the one hand you have a candidate (Taylor) who has supported candidates … who have advanced Obamacare,” said [Representative Jim] Bridenstine. “You have a candidate who has given money to Emily’s List, whose sole purpose is to fund pro-abortion candidates.”Yes, indeed, Taylor has given a grand total of $250 to the organization, one which freely admits it envisions "a world where women are equally represented at all levels of government."
Senator Jim Inhofe, still apparently under the effects of anesthesia, and a man who used to be Tulsa's mayor, also hopped up on the podium and proved once again why we should always require him to get a doctor's note before he starts talking.
“This (election) is not supposed to be about (President Barack Obama),” said Inhofe, “but it is, because Kathy Taylor is probably his strongest supporter in the state.”(Note to out of state residents: Yes, Oklahoma officials can pretty much say anything they want, anytime they want.)
A voice in Inhofe's head then must have whispered, "Mountain Man, say something about how we're real men in Oklahoma and don't take kindly to womenfolk running things."
Inhofe said it would be “embarrassing” to explain to his colleagues how Tulsa elected “a lady who is Obama’s biggest supporter.”A mass spectrometer couldn't measure how little I care what Senators Cruz, Lee, and Paul think about my next mayor.
Around such douchebaggery, then, is it any wonder Dewey, himself, came down with the vapors, strapped on a red nose and oversized shoes, and began waving his hand frantically and throwing out candy to the crowd.
He also assured the crowd that he supports the Second Amendment and is “totally opposed to the Obamacare.”Yes ... "the Obamacare." You can read about that and more on the Facebook thingy he's got.
Dew, most of us in town just want to know what you want us to do with our green waste so put away your NRA membership card and hold a few meetings, would you?
Yes, we had a nice mayoral race going on in Tulsa, one which did not include the national dysfunction and batshittery of GOP politics and hatred towards the president and his policies.
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Worry. They're here.