Oedipus is Alive, All Around You, and Very Unwell
They took my children away from me because they said I am harmful to them.
They said I have been making up my illnesses.
They said I was a burden to my caregivers.
If I'd had caregivers I might not have been as harmful to my children as I actually was, which was not nearly as harmful as I was accused of.
As they took more and more away from me and my children, I felt sicker and sicker, worried constantly, and got more and more desperate.
Desperation makes you look crazy.
When you look crazy even your staunchest allies begin to doubt if everything they thought they knew about you was ever true. That's very frightening because it's even more threatening to your safety and security, but I'll get back to that.
When your allies start to question your motives, YOU start to question your motives. That's when I accidentally meditated. I needed to know if I really cared more about my children's well-being or my own, so I thought about it. I realized I was always explaining or rationalizing TO SOMEONE even though it was only in my head. So one by one I eliminated each person I felt desperate to believe that I put my children's well being before my own. Each time a new person popped into my head, I had to shove them out. It happened more and more quickly until, either in my head or I screamed, I don't even know, "EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE" until suddenly, there were no more anyones. My mind went blank.
I can't tell you where it went. It's indescribable. That's why everyone before me that has experienced it pushes it so hard. It's your discovery, but it ends in the same place. I can't share my personal discovery because it's mine. But I did reach my motive and I found that all I want, need, love, crave and care about is my own safety and security, and it physically hurts my body to imagine the children borne to me not safe and secure and happy. Any attachment I have ever felt towards anyone, when I strip away everything else, has come down to whatever they can give me to assure my safety and security. And as I've searched among those I used to consider my enemies, I haven't been able to eliminate a one, NOT A ONE, whose basic goal did not ultimately come down to safety and security, too. I would call it instinct, but does man combine instinct with reason and is that part of how we got in this mess? I don't know or care. I'll pass that football off to someone else. Not my touchdown. Everybody gets a touchdown in life. Some reach theirs, some don't. It all depends on your team. And the opposing team. Sometimes they can be real assholes.
Forgive them anyway.
Are you safe and secure?
If you are healthy and you have immediate access to what you need to survive, you need to assure that will continue.
Is your community safe and secure?
If your community is safe and secure, you must assure that it stays safe and secure.
Is your state safe and secure?
Your country?
The world?
The universe?
What's beyond, and is that safe and secure?
What threatens your safety and security?
How far will you go to protect it?
How far will you go to protect the safety and security of others?
To protect the ones you love the most?
To protect your friends?
To protect your community?
To protect the world?
We feel a need to be protected and to protect.
It's a circle and how far does your circle go?
Does love really have anything to do with it?
Or does love have everything to do with it?
How much is instinct and how much is reason?
If reason trumps instinct, is that instinct?
Are you in love with the person that makes you feel the most safe or
do you feel safest with the person you're in love with?
Chicken or the egg.
Does love even exist or is it all about safety?
Will we completely deny the idea of love if that makes us safer?
Do the math. I came up with 42 and you can't tell me I'm wrong.
But if you came up with "Sometimes a Dude is just a Dude",
I can't tell you you're wrong. That's your math.
Cuz Zappa was right when he said truth is beauty.
But he was also right when he said
The torture never stops.
So you have to find your thing to make the torture stop sometimes,
Because the torture will always stop
Even though it never does.