Why? After all, it was only 6 months ago that I coveted it, admiring its sleekness, speed, grace and beauty. Was I bored with it? Did I tire of it and decide to rid myself of it just like a trophy wife I never had?
No. It is much worse than that. It started a few days ago with me clicking on an article on the Yahoo splash page. I don’t even remember what the subject matter was, but I wasn't far into the article before I could take it no more. It was pure right wing lies. I checked the byline and it was by Ann Coulter. Ann the fucking c-word Coulter (ATFCC) had invaded my phone. I was beside myself. I hated Yahoo for subjecting me to such vile verbiage. And if it was even possible, I hated ATFCC more than before.
Although angry, I recovered my composure and went about my day.
And then today came. I was already in a weakened psychological state due to withdrawal pains after the season finale of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. It was worse than usual. I thought there were 12 episodes, but those bastards shortchanged me and only made 10. I am sure many of you share my pain.
So, I click on an AP politics article…political punditry about the recent election by Bill Barrow and Kristen Wyatt. In the second paragraph is a stupid sentence that sent me over the edge. Here it is:
While there were too few races to suggest a national trend, the results do indicate that at least pockets of voters are seeking middle ground and rejecting two extremes: conservatives' staunch anti-government pitch and liberals' view that government is the best problem solver.Liberals' view that government is the best problem solver…WTF? Nobody ever said that and nobody believes it…NOBODY. Many conservatives say government can’t do anything right, but liberals are not the opposite of conservatives. This stupid sophomoric sentence was spewed forth from the writers, stamped approved by the editors, and wasted God only knows how much energy to violate my smart phone. The idiocy was too much and I broke. I jumped up from the public bench I was sitting on and screamed. Fuck ATFCC and fuck AP and fuck the fucking conservatives. I slammed my smart phone onto the hard ground. I must admit it felt fantastic, just like an orgasm.
However, as I sit here writing this, I just noticed there is a smart phone next to my keyboard. I don't remember buying a new phone, but my memory is getting worse these days, and it was never good. So, there is a possibility that instead of jumping up and swearing and smashing my smart phone that I just sat on the public bench and seethed in anger, secretly wishing I was a rich enough bastard to smash smart phones. When I figure it out for sure, I will give you an update.