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(A Pragma-Economic Action Plan.)

To recap [1], the fundamental breakthrough of Pragma-Economics is a recognition that the affluent are a market commodity [2]. The importance of this entrepreneurial and socio-economic innovation rivals that of the mortgage-backed security, the hedge fund, and other Financial Sector prestidigitations.

Freed by this repositioning of troubled and troublesome pseudo-assets, guerrilla economists now repackage the affluent, resell them, and then further bundle, relabel and repackage this jet-set jetsam, passing the result through several additional permutations, the final commodity retaining almost no olfactory remnant to betray its origins.

Initial public offerings were an unqualified success. One derivatives trading firm re-emerged as a public sector union. The members immediately went on strike [3]. Several anonymous investors, receiving the news, were stricken by a mysterious affliction and rushed to local hospitals [4].

Any fundamental socio-economic market correction is prone to disruptive dislocation as it seeks a new equilibrium. One venture capitalist, distraught at the prospect of decreasing income inequality, plunged to his death from a Financial District office tower. Passersby, shocked to see the damage his body inflicted on an idling taxicab, immediately organized a fundraiser to sustain the driver through his temporary loss of livelihood [5].

As detailed in the previous expose, Pragmaconomists offer paradigm-shifting, shovel-ready solutions to the problem of the surplus-affluent and their protracted obstruction of the nation's economic recovery. Congress, deadlocked by the malfeasance of Republican “Richies”, was nonetheless browbeaten by public outcry into passing a WPA [6] Act. After years of pro-affluent legislation, quid pro quo, and “constituent meetings” devoted to bonking K-Street bimbos, pragma-pundits dub this sea change in legislative productivity “epic”.

Using innovative socio-mediant protocols, the act empowers HHS to reposition affluent commodities for maximum economic utility. Thus empowered, a portion of these vastly overvalued villains have been parceled out to public interest groups for re-branding [7] and put to work on public infrastructure projects [8].

The public has been overwhelmingly supportive of these job-creating innovations for the underemployed elite. Several pedestrians in Times Square, interviewed at random on the topic, gushed with unabashed enthusiasm. “It's so exciting to see them become productive!” cheered one woman, a teacher visiting from central Minnesota.

Another, a man who owns a small HVAC business in Portland, Oregon, was more vexed. “Yeah, I hired some “Richies”. Had a few problems with the dress code, if ya know what I mean.”

Another pedestrian, a New York native and therapist, was hopeful. “By actually mingling with complex, well-rounded and tolerant people, the affluent may evolve semi-emotive and semi-empathetic skillsets that cause the casual observer to mistake them for...(A tear was seen forming in his eye.)...human beings! It's potentially wonderful!”

Skeptics of restorative market correction ask, “What about all the capital amassed by such people, and by these firms?” The Pragmaconomist Primer [9] reminds us that this capital, much like derivatives invented to further enrich the financially-fixated, is actually heavily repackaged earnings of a much humbler origin. Ever pragmatic, guerrilla economists return this misappropriated capital to the citizens who labored to earn it, stating that:

“Diffuse and distributed investments of smaller amounts of capital, made by a union of citizens acting with enlightened self-interest [10], govern and nourish a sustainable and stable economy, one that serves the needs of every citizen, not merely a money-addicted minority.”

Editor's Note:  Events in the Pragma-Economic Revolution unfold hourly and across the globe. Even as this article was posted to the web, a still newer sub-discipline has emerged among the social sciences. Promising to address the psycho-social disruptions of market correction, Psycho-Economics has sent the academic world tumbling. More to follow...

Footnotes:

1. Heywaitaminute, (!), (November 6th, 2013). The Marginal Utility of the One-Percent. Daily Kos Diary, 1-2, annotated.

2. A technique perfected by nineteenth century robber-barons when faced with obstructionist workforces. The latter, prone to gross overvaluation of their labor, made fantastic demands for such luxuries as a living wage, a forty-hour work week, and safety devices on manufacturing equipment to prevent loss of life and limb. Recognizing the absurdity of such demands, the barons wisely repositioned labor as a threat to national security. This reclassification forestalled any recognition of their so-called “human rights”.

3. They complained that vastly reduced salaries and the absence of bonuses still resulted in an excess of discretionary income that could be put to better purpose on infrastructure projects. Several trophy wives, apprised of the change in their husbands' fortunes, immediately filed for divorce. Forced by massive income downsizing to cancel her liposuction, one “trophy” reportedly attempted to overdose on herbal supplements.

4. A psychiatrist at Mercy Hospital, on condition of anonymity, identified the ailment as Dendritic Insular Cephaic Kinesthesial Syndrome (DICKS). He summed up an obtuse, dense and highly technical explanation of this neurological disorder by saying, “They're assholes. Greedy, twisted assholes.”

5. The family of the perpetrator, long estranged from their money-addicted and emotionally unavailable uber-capitalist patriarch, apologized and made a contribution.

6. HR779, The Wall Street Productivity Act. Wags on the street insist the acronym denotes a “Work, you Pathetic Assholes!” bill.

7. A scarlet “A” visible behind and below the left ear, duplicated on the back side of the right hand.

8. In Chicago, re-assignation of affluent assets to environmental restoration projects and the control of invasive species has reaped a windfall for the Windy City. Throngs of residents and foreign tourists now line the Chicago River daily to watch the retrained elites, who don their designer-label clothing over wetsuits to thrill spectators in a water show/clean up project dubbed “Kiss a Carp!”. T-Shirt sales alone are expected to rake in 1.3 million dollars annually.

9. Freeman, I.M.A., (2010). The Pragmaconomist Primer. (New York) Hartmann and Sons, p.16.

10. Ibid., p. 21, acknowledging also the intellectual paternity of one Alexis de Tocqueville.

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