Maybe it was just a clever marketing ploy by Nickelodeon, but there was a recent episode of SpongeBob SquarePants that got conservative news types all atwitter. Turns out, SpongeBob was to get fired, be tempted by the wonders of unemployment and the social safety net, but in the end, realize that good old fashioned hard work was his salvation.
The Ayn Rand no-moochers crowd loved the message and could barely contain their excitement about SpongeBob's upcoming free market proselytizing. It was all particularly silly because not that long ago, Mr. SquarePants was in hot water for tempting America's youth into a life of homosexuality, all the while espousing the dangers of man-made global warming.
Then it dawned on me. Right-Wing Ralphie was born in 2005 in response to dustups over liberal cartoons, including one where PBS got in trouble for sending a cute bunny to visit lesbians in Maine. (I'm not making this up.) This looks like a job for a good ol' fashioned right-winger cartoon character! Say hello to Ralphie, comment, share and enjoy the continuing cartoon crusade. You can always find more links to the stories behind the cartoons on my website.
While conservatives hoped SpongeBob SquarePants would now promote their ideology, another stronger more truly conservative cartoon character was already at their beck and call!
It's me, Right-Wing Ralphie! And I've been truly right since way back when SpongeBob first started experimenting with same-sex/different-species relationships!
I mean, do you really think an undersea sponge who writes books about global warming is the right choice for the conservative cause?
Right-Wing Ralphie is right for the right, because . . .
I live in a magical land where tax cuts always mean more jobs!
A land where only the lazy are unemployed,
And the safety net is what you wear to keep my burgers safe from your stray hairs! Hoohoohoohooo!
In RightWingLandia, you can choose any health care provider in a wide, open, unfettered free-market-- from high end face-lifts, to bargain-basement leech-suckings, loppings and free policy cancellations!
But remember, the best health care is preventative care-- with guns!
God loves guns and so should you! Hoohoohoohoooo!
So why rely on that phony cartoon character, SpongeBob, when everyone knows Right-Wing Ralphie is the true Conservative Cartoon! Hoohoohoohoooo!
Oh! And I almost forgot-- in RightWingLandia, only Rand Paul has access to Wikipedia. Hoohoohoohoooo! Toodleooo!