Elves are not supposed to complain about working conditions. At least not @Walmart. They are supposed to stock the shelves, clean the floors, run the register, and smile like a happy face. But under no circumstances are they to have opinions in public. They definitely don't need Tumblr or Twitter accounts with which to share their unwanted opinions.
Some of these ungrateful elves have even taken to publicly embarrassing Walmart by not keeping it's secrets.
The nerve!
They don't believe that working on Thanksgiving builds character in their fellow elves. They seem to disagree with Walmart Executive Duncan Mac Naughton,
"Wal-Mart associates are really excited to work that day, it's a pretty high energy day for associates as well."
Ad Astra Per Aspera! How dare a few disgruntled elves complain about the golden opportunity before them. And believe me, with a
national average pay of less than $18,000 a year, at less than $9 an hour, they need it. These elves simply don't have time to spend with their families, they've got bills to pay! Thank the Lord on high for community activists like Duncan.
Nevertheless, many of these elves still insist on calling attention to the economic repercussions of Walmart's low low wages.
Well, Walmart is done with all this mistreatment! It is time for the big guns to write a
sternly worded letter(on 11-14-2013) and chase these commie hippie elves back into their cages!
....the use of The Walmart Elves as a Tumblr account name and Tumbler domain name does not constitute a protected parody account of any other fair of use of Walmart intellectual property...blablabla
So Tumblr of course changed the URL and Walmart can have the site they claim they own the intellectual rights to. You see, they trademarked The Walmart Elves on February 14th, 2013. Move along,
nothing to see here.
So I asked my insider elves (yeah, I'm cool like that) about this and they pointed out the tiny technicality that they started their Tumblr page on 11-29-2012, two and a half months before Walmart registered anything. Since the original link is down, they provided an image of a tweet from a few days prior as proof they were active at the time.
OK fine, so the elves covered their lazy asses on that one. What about the fact that they shouldn't be protesting a non-political entity? What about the rights of Walmart, the person? What say you, elf?
"Walmart is using its corporate influence to silence supporters of Black Friday Protests who are using Twitter and Tumblr to organize. They are so afraid of criticism directed towards its online marketing strategy that involves the #WalmartElves hashtag that the company is forcing Twitter and Tumblr to suspend parody accounts; this censoring violates the First Amendment, which protects satire."
Are you suggesting that there is a legitimate use of satire in the political realm?
"(crickets)"
And are you also suggesting that Walmart gets into the mud of politics and tries to influence the law for it's own benefit?
"YES!"
Well who the hell cares what elves think anyway?
"Walmart Elves don’t exist. The elves are actually workers who deserve a living wage."
It's people!!! Elves are made of people!!!
Wait...You mean the elves are really people? Walmart
steals wages from
actual people? They pay
people so little they work full time and
still qualify for welfare. Walmart would
rather hold food drives for these
people than
pay them a fair wage. Even
supporting politicians that vote to cut SNAP (food stamp) benefits, which these
people desperately need!
Well now, that just takes all the fun out of Black Friday...
Update- I will be on right wing talk radio again to talk to the unicorn riders. This Saturday at 1:15pm Eastern. If I can squeeze in a word about the #WalmartElves I will. You can listen here.