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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Warning Labels for Right Wingers

Hey, if cigarette makers have to do it...

Warning: This Republican supports making you work on Thanksgiving.

Warning: The Republican policy agenda for the United States of America is now literally a sheet of paper with nothing on it.

Warning: Tea party crowd estimate will far exceed actual tea party crowd attendance.

Warning sign: car going into water.
Warning: Republican at the wheel.
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Warning: If you're standing near Ted Cruz and he happens to be taller than you, watch for falling rocks.

Warning: Watching Republicans change their views based on who's in the White House may give you whiplash.

Warning: This House Speaker chain-smokes Camel Ultra Lights. The Surgeon General has determined that secondhand smoke can kill you. Therefore this House Speaker may kill you.

Warning: Republican leaders who say they want to "have an adult conversation" define adult as anyone between the ages of 2 and 5.

Warning: If this Republican congressman gets caught with cocaine he'll want nothing more than probation for himself, but if you get caught with cocaine he'll want nothing less than prison for you.

Warning: This "small-government conservative" wants the government to install a usage meter inside every woman's vagina and a spycam inside every adult's bedroom.

Warning: This Republican cares about cutting unemployment benefits, but not about cutting unemployment lines.

WARNING!!!!! Michele Bachmann still sits on the House Intelligence Committee.

You've been, um, sternly alerted.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, November 25, 2013

Note: Due to the sequester, the National Weather Service's winter storm prediction software now consists of an Atari 2600 and a Yar's Revenge cartridge.  While you'll no longer have any idea when a winter storm is due, you'll be informed well in advance of impending Qotile blasts.  ---Mgt.

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Valley Forge Beer Festival logo
12 days!!!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanukkahsgiving: 3
Days 'til the Valley Forge Beer Festival in Pennsylvania: 12
Decrease in homelessness nationwide from 2012-2013: 4 percent
Increase in homelessness in Maine during the same period: 26%
(Source: HUD)
Number of passengers expected to fly somewhere this holiday season: 25.1 million
(Source: USA Today)
Calories the typical guy consumes in an entire day: 2,679
Calories he'll consume during Thanksgiving dinner alone: 3,000
(Source: Men's Health)

Totally Random NFL Score
Denver Broncos 24 New England Patriots 0 (After 1st half)
Denver Broncos 31 New England Patriots 34 (Final)

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Sometimes you really can blame it on the dog…

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CHEERS to short workweeks.  Only three days for most Americans this week---hopefully you're among them.  Then it's turkey, gravy, stuffing and a whole lotta nothin' else.  Except, of course, our usual 14 hours of daily blogging.  ("Pass the yams, dear.  And the screen shammy...")

CHEERS to "Things That Make Bill Kristol Cry" for $600, Alex.  You've heard of the Friday afternoon news dump, when bad news gets released in the hopes it'll fly under the radar?  Well, there's also apparently something called a Saturday night news dump, and it seems to involve good news that makes the radar yell, "Helloooooo..."

Photojournalists photograph President Barack Obama as he signs H.R. 2747: Streamlining Claims for Federal Contractor Employees Act, and S. 893: The Veterans' Compensation Cost-of-Living Adjustments Act of 2013, in the Oval Office.
"But won't McCain go ballistic?"
"Oh, I hope so."
Secretary of State John Kerry and leaders from five other world powers early Sunday reached a nuclear deal with Iran, following intense negotiations that took place over several days in Geneva.  The deal represents a historic breakthrough in the world's decade-long nuclear standoff with Iran, and in the 35-year-long diplomatic freeze between Iran and the United States.

the deal stipulates that Iran will commit to halt uranium enrichment above 5 percent and also to neutralize its stockpile of near-20 percent enriched uranium. The Islamic Republic has also committed to halt progress on its enrichment capacity. Iran will also halt work at its plutonium reactor and provide access to nuclear inspectors.

It was such an act of groundbreakery---hell, even the Russians and Chinese give it their blessing---that President Obama interrupted his regular Saturday night game of checkers with Sasha to announce the deal on the teevee.  Meanwhile, the neocons were caught flat-footed by the news and they're furious by this move toward peace.  But I've expected something like this for a while now.  So, to those who said such complex and productive talks would never bear fruit, all I can say is ayatollah you so.

JEERS to Reagan's Katrina Monica Watergate Reagan Moment.  On November 25, 1986, the Iran Contra "Affair" busted wide open when #40 appointed the Tower commission to find out what the $#!!#$ was going on.  It later resulted in this public admission from Reagan:

Ronald Reagan riding a velociraptor
Um......
"A few months ago I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages.  My heart and my best intentions still tell me that's true, but the facts and the evidence tell me it is not.  As the Tower board reported, what began as a strategic opening to Iran deteriorated, in its implementation, into trading arms for hostages.  This runs counter to my own beliefs, to administration policy, and to the original strategy we had in mind."
Eleven people ended up getting nailed, but George H.W. Bush pardoned them all before he left office.  Some of the Iran-Contra figures, like Elliott Abrams and John Negroponte, would pop up again in the Bush II administration despite the black stains on their names.  Because truly scurrilous help is so hard to find.

CHEERS to holiday haggling.  In just 10 days, the elves at Netroots Nation will squeeze the starter partridge-in-a-pear-tree, signaling the start of the 5th annual Holiday Bazaar online auction, and they're asking for you to help make it the biggest and jolliest evuh.  Gavel-wielders Beth Becker, Linda Lee and Joan McCarter, aka the Three Wise Women, have details:

Bill in Portland Maine with C&J Duck Cookies
The C&J posse is donating dozens
of our famous duckie cookies again.
For $10 extra I'll clean your gutters.
We can't really have an auction of hand-crafted, cool stuff---jewelry, art, needlework, furniture, quilts, toys, food---if we don't get those donations of cool, hand-crafted stuff from you, the community. That gives you the range of possibilities for your creativity.  Seriously, if you can think it up, can make, write, photograph, paint, knit, sew, bake or sculpt it (weld? carve? whittle?) we want it.

You can also e-mail Karen Kolber at karen[at]netrootsnation.org to make your donation.  The auction starts December 5th.

The more the merrier, so start baking, knitting, or rootin' through your stuff for homemade or handmade goodies that might entice folks to bid early and often.  Then click the "Donate Items" button here to post your donation.  If we hit our bidding goal of $7 trillion, you'll all get a new Beemer.

CHEERS to the reason why squirrels can bench-press a refrigerator.  A huge study conducted by the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Brigham and Women's Hospital reveals strong evidence that eating nuts makes you healthier and even increases your lifespan.  For best results, always de-bone and marinate your teabagger first.

Animal trap with large rock propped up by booby-trapped stick.
Homeland security at our house.
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CHEERS to the agency we love to hate.  Happy Birthday to the Department of Homeland Security---please try to curb your enthusiasm.  President Bush signed legislation creating the bureaucratic behemoth 11 years ago today.  (Quick---name the original nominee to be the second DHS director after Tom Ridge.  Yep...a crook recommended by Rudy Giuliani named Bernie Kerik.  Vetting's fun!)  Thanks to DHS, the first thing I do before I start my morning is go to their website for news of any fresh terror attacks (not including ones by the U.S. financial sector or House Republicans), just in case I need to pull "Old Bessie," my Civil War-era mortar, out of the garage and load up the old gal with my secret mix of shrapnel and Alpo.  Most days I don't, so I just duct-tape stuff as needed and then sit in my safe room snorking extra-strength Maalox while waiting for someone to spring the freedom traps I got set around the house.  Vigilance!

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Five years ago in C&J: November 25, 2008

CHEERS to cutting and running.  Freedom's Watch, Ari Fleischer's "independent" "advocacy" "group" funded by billionaire Sheldon Adelson and created "to pressure Congress to continue supporting President Bush’s disastrous Iraq strategy," is going "bye-bye."  I'm so disappointed.  I hadn't called them lying bastards nearly enough yet to leave me feeling satisfied.  11/25/13 Update: On Saturday night, Fleischer, showing off his usual class, tweeted this response to the news of the Iran-nuke deal:

And you can't spell fail or liar without Ari Fleisher.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to Billy the Prescient.  (That's me!)  One year ago, we went all Tennessee Williams in C&J and cooked up this little bit of drama that has particular re-relvance now that Harry Reid has gone nuclear on Mitch McConnell's obstructionist hiney.  Curtain up for…

Filibuster: A Play in Two Acts

ACT I

(SENATE MINORITY LEADER walks into SENATE MAJORITY LEADER'S office)

Republican statements about getting rid of the filibuster in 2005
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"Good morning, Mr. Minority Leader! Thanks for coming. I'd like to debate the pros and cons of this Senate bill on the floor and then vote on it."
"NO!"
"Well, how about this other bill?"
"NO!"
"This one?"
"NO!"
"Then maybe we can discuss some judicial nominees on the floor?"
"NO!"
"How about just this one, then?"
"NO!"
"But can't we at least…"
"NO!"
"Not even…"
"NO!"
"But…"
"NO!"
"So what you're saying is…"
"NO!"
"But why?"
"NO!"
(MINORITY LEADER walks out, slams door)

[INTERMISSION]

ACT II

(SENATE MINORITY LEADER walks into SENATE MAJORITY LEADER'S office four years later)
"Say, I heard y'alls plannin' to make some minor adjustments to the filibuster process so our side can't abuse it anymore."
"Yes."
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

[Curtain]

Anyone know what one wears to the Drama Desk Awards?  (And if the swag makes it worth going?)

Have a tolerable Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Bill in Portland Maine Rally To Overthrow Obama Draws Slightly Fewer Than The Millions Expected
---Right Wing Watch

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Poll

Do you favor lifting the ban on in-flight cellphone calls?

10%566 votes
5%279 votes
8%460 votes
15%830 votes
60%3279 votes

| 5418 votes | Vote | Results

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