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Someone on twitter created Hashtag #HobbyLobbyRules.  If you have a twitter account drop in for a chuckle.

If you don't, here are some randomly picked for you hoping to provide you with some healing humor this evening.

Hobby Lobby asked for this.  There is no way in hell that the US Constitution allows for a corporation to pick and choose which medical services it will allow its insurer to pay for.  

It is ironic that a corporation that portrays itself as following the letter of the law of the Bible, simultaneously demands to skirt the letter of the law of the land.

Can we assume that Hobby Lobby is also only allowing one Viagara pill per month to its male employees "for procreation use only."  Surely the men aren't given a dozen or more?  That would be against the letter of the Biblical law.

From Hobby Lobby on twitter:

Official Hobby Lobby ‏@HobbyLobbyStore 1h
For information about our Supreme Court case, please visit
HERE'S YOUR HUMOR BREAK from the heaviness of the world:
Attn shoppers, emergency on aisle 666.”  

Unmarried employees will be periodically required to stand before the Virginity Review Board.

Prices are subject to both local sales tax and an extra 10% tithe.

We know you are perfect, we vetted you, but NO MORE stone throwing at customers!  Zero Tolerance

Raffle for free exorcism, drawing on 6/6.

Tuesday evening class:  Make Your Own Bedazzled Rhythm Method Calendar  

Bring letter of recommendation from your Pastor and your spouse.

Cross yourself each time our registers ring up a sale.

The time has come for Bathsheba to take her tight ass home. David will be recognized as floor manager at 4.

Pat Robertson crafts free discount for all chaste employees. Lie detector test mandatory.

Bring in your birth control pills and get 10% off of a stitching kit for your knees!

Remember the Golden Rule: do unto others as Hobby Lobby would do unto you.

All Non-Christians must be given directions to Michaels.

All female employees shall walk ten paces behind male employees.

Transvaginal probe now required before accessing copier toner or post-its.

Thou shalt not macrame graven images.

Thou shalt shun all pregnant customers without a ring on her finger.

During peak shopping, foreigners in the store may be used as slaves.

No shirt, no shoes, no kids, not service. Welcome to Hobby Lobby.

All Protestants must mysteriously attempt to enforce Roman Catholic doctrines

Attn Employees can Goliath help on aisle 3? David can't reach the scrapbook stamps.

Chik-Fil-A coupons included with every purchase!

Free pointed hat with purchase of $50 or more!

Large to Medium #stoning" stones in 10lb bags, just in time for #Christmas

The company believes in traditional marriage and so reserves the right to sell unmarried female employees

Health insurance now covers faith healing and nothing else.

 Under no circumstances will women cut their hair.

We separate all our cloth Lev. 19.19

Female associates shall not wear a man's smock, nor shall a man wear a female's smock, these things are an abomination.

Loaves and fish in the lunch room!

I don't care what Jesus did, there is no wine allowed in the lunch room!

We are closed on Sundays so our single mother employees will be regularly available to earn extra cash at Walmart

Glue will no longer be sold in hard, 'stick' form. For obvious reasons.

Anyone cavorting with the liberals over at Chick-fii-a will be fired.

All Employees Must Wash Hands Of The 21st Century

Female employees do get to Bedazzle their chastity belts for free, though.

Sister-wives are welcome but only one coupon per family.

Female employees must get approval from supervisor before having sex even with their husbands, granted only for procreation purposes, and not an excuse for family time.  (ok, I embellished this one)

Scrap booking for chaste memories: no ticket stubs from hifalutin symphony performances or genital-shaking rock concerts.

Letters of the alphabet spelling out "Happy Holidays" no longer available in the do-it-yourself aisle.

Thou shalt spend all shillings on legal counsel, women must knit, decoupage and breed.

Holy water past its use date available on stands outside the storefront as you walk in.

Stepford Wives craft classes will be held in room 3.

Fabulous new HMO being offered.  The best faith healers and snake handlers are participating providers!

All employees must pass gullibility requirements.

Female job applicants must bring permission slip from husband and pastor.

Our corporate Board of Directors decide which passages of the Bible appear in BOLD, and which contain an asterisk.

Chastity Belts have their own entire section at #HobbyLobbyRules!  Key sold separately with proper (male relative) identification. (I have to add "Ask about our new remote control version.")

Any Female Employee Accused Of Fornication Shall Be Thrown In Water—If She Drowns She Is Pure; If She Swims She Is Tainted

Yes, we have the right to ask "Are you an adulterer?" on our job applications.  Ask SCOTUS!

**If a male Hobby Lobby employee rapes a virgin in the break room, he must give her father 50 shekels & clean the break room.

All staff meals will be transubstantiated, served by a man in a robe.

Any Female Employee Accused Of Fornication Shall Be Thrown In Water—If She Drowns She Is Pure; If She Swims She Is Tainted

...and on the 7th day, God got 10% off when he spent $40

Welcome to our church, er, a, I mean store. If you currently use the pill for birth control, we think you're a murderer!

**When someone asks if we have Christmas balls the answer is, "Yes - we demand it's our way or the doorway. Ballsy enough?"

If a male Hobby Lobby employee has sex with any HL store item, he and the item must be put to death.

All employees must say 3 Hail Sarahs!

Any female employee achieving orgasm during intercourse with their spouse must report to store manager for public shaming.

All in store music must be christian and that christian music mustn't be gospel.

No giving thanks on Thanksgiving.

Female employees skirts must be 3" below the knee.

Yes, Sister wives can dress like Little House on the Prairie.  It's folksy.

You must relinquish control of your vagina upon entering the building.

Yes, we have a ladies room, but only for morally clean women.

Parking for Mothers Who Didn't Plan to be Mothers But Whose Insurance Won't Pay for Their Birth Control

No birth control for you and if you get pregnant find a second job because we don't pay enough to raise a family, not a Christian employer of course. Fogetabout Chickafilia and MalWart!

#1 Do not sell anything made in America.

Employees must vote for the candidate endorsed by Hobby Lobby.

We ban what you can't afford working at Walmart.

Rule 1: No Poofters.

Single mothers will only be hired if they have an engagement ring and a church wedding date

Holiday Employee discounts. 25% on all religious themed merchandise. 5% on all secular merchandise.

"No Soup For You"

Charity does not begin at Hobby Lobby.

No singing "Michael's Row Your Boat Ashore"

Chicken, hobbies, and children, what more can a women ask for.

Barren female employees including those past child-bearing age must provide documentation of celibate lifestyle  

Verily I say unto thee we shall have dominion over our ladybits Fallopians 8:12

If an obviously non-Christian customer comes into our store, pretend to be comfortable.

Contraception is not provided but our Ladies Smocks accommodate pregnancies for a few months until you are asked to resign  

If a customer appears to be an atheist, press the alarm button to summon security

It's the 21st century, adulterous women employees will no longer be stoned. They will be branded prior to being fired.

Check-in all genitalia at the door.

Employees are not permitted separate values and religious beliefs - we own them.

We demand the benefits of incorporation but shun all regulations that accompany it.

My religious beliefs trumps your right to make your own health care decisions

Female employees must carry a photo of Rush Limbaugh in their purse at all times

Sharia Law will replace the Bill of Rights within the confines of our stores ...

Convert anyone and get 1/2 off any item in store.  One offer per baptism.

We believe in war, therefore we will deduct taxes from your paychecks.

Ok, that's enough for today.  Off to prepare goodies for Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for the humor found at #hobbylobbyrules today.

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