We've got Santa on the run. So much so, he needs military backup.
As Santa streaks through the sky this Christmas Eve, Rudolph merrily guiding the way, he will be flanked by some new and unusual companions: a jet-fighter escort, bristling with missiles.
For years it's seemed that our guerrilla armies have had little to no effect in this war. So little, in fact, some have argued they don't even exist, and the whole thing is just a paranoid delusion. But now, finally, someone is taking this war seriously.
An intelligence officer asserts that “intel can confirm that Jack Frost and the Abominable Snowman will not be a threat.” Ground forces then report that all rooftops have been checked to make sure Santa, whose call sign is “Big Red One,” and his reindeer can land safely. Could Santa’s navigation system be attacked by a a computer virus? Another officer in charge of cyber space chimes in that the “anti-Grinch-viral is up and will continue to monitor threats.”
Lastly, the video trains on the cockpit of a fighter jet flying escort to prevent Santa from straying into restricted air space and “to protect from threats.” What threats the old man and his sleigh may actually face are not disclosed.
It's no surprise that NORAD is being tight-lipped about the opposition, which I assure you is formidable and prepared. Good work, soldiers. We've got their attention.