Internalization is defined as Learning (of values or attitudes etc.) that is incorporated within yourself. This can be both positive and negative.
However I would like to discuss the more negative aspects... such as self-hate that comes in the form of internalized misogyny amongst women who were basically raised with a negative view of her own gender, internalized racism or antisemitism amongst the Jewish population. That sort of thing.
More specifically, What would you do if you suspected that somebody close to you were suffering from something like that?
Because it's certainly not a easy topic to tackle... espeically if this person had been growing up his/her entire life hearing about all those negative stereotypes about his/her group of people. Sometimes when that happens a part of you can't help but start to believe the bigoted lies, espeically if you hear it being parroted as being "fact" so much all the time. Despite all the studies and statistics proving the total opposite of what those bigots kept on claiming were "facts".
The reason why I bring this up, is because a while ago I read this diary that pretty much thoroughly shocked me... and to be honest it made me feel paranoid regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. Here is the link, but be warned it's very nsfw.... as it specifically talks about Race and BDSM.
You see... I'm a white deaf woman who just happens to have a black boyfriend.
Even though I'm white, I've had my share of discrimination due to my deafness. On top of it, I have some distant Jewish relatives...one actually being an survivor of the Nazi concentration camps during WWII.
Yeah, He's pretty old and is unfortunately no longer with us. He shared many heart-rending stories with me about that time period. And how he faced discrimination because of who he was long before the Nazis even happened. He honestly believed that Germany had a very long history of antisemitism and that had been what made Hilter grow up the way he did. And had Hilter not existed somebody else would had done it anyway due to the anti-jew attitude Germany had at the time.
And the real kicker of the horror story he shared with me? He was actually turned in to the concentration camp by a former friend of his. This friend was what he called an "self-hating Jew" as politically incorrect as that term is. His friend had grown up in Germany hearing so much about how all Jewish people were cheap, evil, etc.... It got to the point where he didn't practice the faith and wanted to disassociate from his genetic heritage. So when the Nazis promised to declare him a pure-blooded German in exchange for his help... he pretty much jumped at the chance.
And my relative almost died in the concentration camps simply because his former friend had internalized his self-hatred to the point where he honestly believed that he was doing my relative and everyone else a favor. And also so that he could finally be seen as a pure-blooded German instead of being a "dirty jew".
And then there's me... I went to an Deaf boarding school, and during my years there I met all kinds of deaf people from different various backgrounds. There was some who did not sign but rather verbalized, and there were some who only signed as their method of communication.
But I did notice that a couple of the deaf people there had internalized forms of self-hatred because they came from highly audist families who totally refused to try to understand them or even accept them for who they were.
Because of this, I'm very conscious when it comes to things like Discrimination and forms of Bigotry. I like to call people out on it if I think they're being offensive to people, even if only on a sub-conscious level. Sometimes I overdo this to the point of being overly politically correct... but I like to think of it as being better than doing nothing in the first place.
At this point you may be thinking: "So... what does this has to do with the Racial Slavery& BDSM link?"
Well, as I mentioned above I just happen to have a boyfriend who's black... and reading that link made me really wonder about the psychological implications of doing BDSM with somebody who happens to be black.
You see, I like reading naughty stories on the internet sometimes... and some of it just happens to deal with BDSM. I've always wondered what it would be like to try out some of those fantasy scenerios with somebody who I loved, and wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a very long time.... long enough for both our parents to ask whenever we're going to get married or not.
Anyhow... I've noticed that he has this "fetish" when it comes to my skin. I've always been cursed with the skin of a Irish girl despite not having any Irish blood in me. Basically, that's my way of saying that I'm probably the most whitest girl ever in the entire state... I have to cover up myself before I go out during sunny days, otherwise my skin will give off a bright glare that blinds you. That's how fucking white I am.
And I can't even suntan without being sunburned badly... and then it just goes back to the same pasty white after my damaged skin peels off. Sigh.
Boyfriend finds it all very endearing though, despite my attempts to be less white. But sometimes he makes those comments that always made me feel slightly uncomfortable without really knowing why. Such as this line: "I just love your skin... it always looks so clean!"
Anyway, that article about the issues of doing BDSM between races kind of high-lighted the fact that there could be self-hating blacks the same way there's self-hating jewish people.
It got me thinking about what my future children would have to deal with, and would they ever internalize society's negative messages about race? Because quite honestly... I can't help but feel that we still have some racism in today's world. We've made so much progress in that area in the last 50 years... but sometimes it seems like we occasionally backslide a little.
And then during one of our intimate sessions my boyfriend made one of his odd compliments about my skin and how he loved to see his skin contrasting against my own. It then made me feel worried that maybe it wasn't just society I had to worry about...my boyfriend might have internalized racism without realizing it?
Of course that sounds so absurd to me... because my boyfriend definitely calls people out on their racism, and wouldn't meekly bow down to some white guy just because the asshole felt that he was the superior race compared to blacks.
So I'm just being paranoid, right? It could be just a simple fetish he has, and nothing to do with self-hatred.
But then on the other hand I definitely can see myself having children with this guy, and I definitely want to raise them to believe that we're all human beings.... and that no human being is superior over the other. And if our future kids were to overhear him saying that kind of thing... it might send the wrong impression? After all, white women are not any more "clean" than black women are... we're all wonderful in our ways.
So how do you bring up a discussion about internalized self-hate and suggesting that the person needs help without basically accusing the person of being racist against his own kind? I thought about bringing up the topic of our future kids and how we would raise them first. But that might give him the wrong impression.... because I definitely don't plan to have kids until I'm ready..which I'm not right now.
thoughts?