From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
He'll Scramble Your Mind Like Eggs
Happy birthday, Stephen Wright. I'd pay just about anything to see the world like he does for a day. Feast on some brain benders...
A man of superior intellect.
I can tell because of his hat.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
My girlfriend asked me if I slept well. I said no, I made a couple mistakes.
My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
You can wish him a happy happy on his
Facebook page. Be polite---you know how hyper he gets.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 6, 2013
Note: Due to the sequester, nine of the drummers drumming have been laid off, funding for the ladies dancing has been diverted to the Pentagon and all the maids a' milking will lose their food stamps on Monday. On the bright side, due to an adjustment to the sequester, all flights home for House members will take off and land on schedule. ---Mgt.
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11 days!!!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til winter and spring:
15 / 104
Days 'til the
Armadillo Christmas Bazaar in Austin:
11
GDP for the third quarter, revised from the original 2.8% estimate:
3.6%
Number of people who signed up for health insurance during the first three days the revamped healthcare.gov site was up:
56,000
(Source:
brainwrap)
Percent chance that getting the HPV vaccination will cause your daughter to steal your neighbor's lawnmower and then hate baby Jesus:
100%
(Source: Some anti-HPV vaccine lady, so it must be true, according to Michele Bachmann and/or Katie Couric)
Number of candy canes produced each year:
1.76 billion
How much a cubic foot of powdery snow and wet snow, respectively, weighs:
3 pounds / 10 pounds
(Source:
USA Today)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: By popular request, an updated pic of C&J's yellow lab mix (and parvo survivor) Haley, who turns 1 year old Sunday and seems to have topped out at 44 pounds. She's a rescue from Macon, Georgia, so she barks with a twang. She's obsessed with tennis balls, runs like a racehorse and is smart enough to know that the kitteh rulez. She says hi:
Relaxing in her study.
If all goes well, she'll get her Ph.D. in International Buttsniffery next June.
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February, 1990
CHEERS to Nelson Mandela (1918-2013). Amazing man (though far from perfect). Amazing life (though far from smooth). He had gravitas out the ying-yang, but was always the coolest dude in the room. And he spelled out his mission In 1964---the year I was born---
during the opening statement at his trial:
"During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to the struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."
He spent the next 27 years at a work camp bashing big rocks into small ones, the experience of which later prompted him to say: "In my country we go to prison first and then become President." Like all of us, he was a mere mortal, and to make it to 95 was nothing short of a miracle, considering the dangers he faced. But as I wrote on his birthday in July, considering the earth is over four billion years old, I'll always feel honored---no, more like gobsmacked---to know I got to spend half of my life on the same speck in the universe at the same time as the great Nelson Mandela. In fact, I think I'm gonna put that on my resume. We all should.
P.S. Speaking on behalf of the American people, Maya Angelou:
This concludes this test of the ocular waterworks system.
CHEERS workin' folks. Gotta hand it to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, they're a punctual bunch, releasing their monthly jobs numbers at 8:30am on the button, without fail, in rain or sleet or snow. (They really should spring for a roof.) Today's jobs report is…GOOD!!! 'Murica created 203,000 jobs and the unemployment rate dropped to 7 percent and the U6 dropped a little over half a point to 13.2 percent as fewer people stayed on the sidelines. Of course, the GOP continues slamming its foot on the brakes of our employment buggy any way they can, and this is what their obstruction has meant to the pace of the recovery versus previous ones. See the red line:
Just like Boehner's caucus: slow and shallow.
Shameful that it
took us so long.
CHEERS to entering the civilized world. Well, Hallefrickin'lujah! On this date in 1865---79 years after we officially declared ourselves a nation where "all men are created equal" and 8 months after Lincoln was assassinated---the 13th Amendment to the Constitution was officially ratified, abolishing slavery and pissing off the south. You can view the
document here. 148 years later, blacks are least likely to be hired, most likely to be targeted by police, least likely to be in the minority among the prison population, most likely to be targeted for voter disenfranchisement by Republicans, and
least likely to be on the receiving end of a presidential pardon. But, on the other hand, blacks can now be oppressed in all those ways as a
free people. [
Waves tiny flag] USA USA.
JEERS to the United States of Skepticism. Apparently America has become a nation of distrusters:
These days, only one-third of Americans say most people can be trusted. Half felt that way in 1972, when the General Social Survey first asked the question. […] An AP-GfK poll conducted last month found that Americans are suspicious of each other in everyday encounters. Less than one-third expressed a lot of trust in clerks who swipe their credit cards, drivers on the road, or people they meet when traveling. "I'm leery of everybody," said Bart Murawski, 27, of Albany, N.Y.
Murawsi, of course, is full of shit.
CHEERS to great inventions. The microwave oven, invented by Dr. Percy LeBaron Spencer (from the great state of Maine, no less), was patented on this date in 1945. We were going to use this as an opportunity to give a lecture on proper microwave usage and safety...but doing forbidden stuff is much more satisfying. (And Reason #1 why I keep 911 on speed-dial.)
Nominations tonight.
CHEERS to home vegetation. I dare say Nelson Mandela tributes will be as numerous as sporting events this weekend on the TV, especially on networks that don’t have the word Fox in them. The schedule for the tax-exempt, non-profit NFL is
here (true to form, the Patriots will squeak by the Browns with a field goal in the 4th quarter with two seconds remaining), and the NHL schedule
is here. Other stuff that might show up on the wee screen: a Grammy special tonight to coincide with the release of the nominations, Paul Rudd hosting SNL, and the always entertaining MSNBC morning shows with Steve Kornacki and Melissa Harris-Perry. New DVD releases include
Wolverine Joins the AARP and not much else. On
Bill Moyers & Company, Bill talks with Mark Leibovich of
The New York Times about how D.C. is just one great big fee-free ATM for the rich and powerful. And here's your Sunday morning lineup. See if you can spot the pattern:
Meet the Press: TBA. Tribute to Mandela
This Week: Tribute to Mandela with U.S. Ambassador to South Africa Jendayi Frazer, former pollster for Nelson Mandela Stan Greenberg, Mandela biographer and former New York Times Johannesburg Bureau Chief Bill Keller, and Dr. Gay McDougall, former member of the Independent Electoral Commission of South Africa which oversaw the country’s first fully democratic elections in 1994.
Tributes galore
this weekend.
Face the Nation: Tribute to Mandela with Maya Angelou, James Baker, TransAfrica founder Randall Robinson, Gwen Ifill, Lorraine Miller (Interim President of the NAACP), NPR host Michele Norris, Time's Richard Stengel, and "CBS This Morning" co-host Gayle King.
CNN's State of the Union: TBA. Tribute to Mandela.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) on the horrors of Obamacare and the joys of plagiarism; Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel on the horrors of Rand Paul and the joys of Rand Paul being silent; roundtable with George Will (whose erectile dysfunction was miraculously cured the day he signed on with Fox News), Julie Pace, Brit Hume and Juan Williams.
Happy viewing.
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Five years ago in C&J: December 6, 2008
JEERS to carrying on the family business. Like a bad penny, they just keep turning up. News yesterday that another Bush wants to join the highest level of the federal government. But Jeb's got a good reason: apparently, despite the best efforts of George I and George II, there are still a few pockets of America that haven't been destroyed yet. Gotta love a family so dedicated to finishing the job.
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And just one more…
Each block of McMom's
fudge weighs 8 pounds.
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CHEERS to a strong start. From the moment it opened yesterday morning, the web site for the
Netroots Nation Holiday Bazaar online auction has functioned smoothly, with 7 million people (that's a rough estimate, since I can't count higher than a hundred) having logged on to browse the virtual showroom for crafts, collectibles and consumables. People are slamming down bids on McMom's world-famous fudge, Jimmy Carter's autographed book, Michele's wooden jewelry set, Barbara's ceramic ornaments, and dozens of other donated items. (Surprisingly, bidding on the estate of George Soros seems to have stalled out at $12.) Go
take a few looksies this weekend and place your bids. The fun ends on Monday. Ain't that the truth.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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