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A special welcome
to anyone new to The Grieving Room.

We meet every Monday evening.

Whether your loss is recent,
or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person,
or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary
and say
whatever you need to say.

Unlike a private journal,
you know:
your words are read by people who share your values
and have been through their own hell.

There's no need to pretty it up
or tone it down.  
It just is.

.....and then eat pie.

Here is the link to all the previous The Grieving Room diaries:

Christmas comes
soon after the winter solstice.

The days get shorter,
the nights get longer,
up to December 21st.

the days get a little bit longer,
and the nights are pushed back
from taking over our lives completely.

This deeply emotional experience,
deeper for those who spend a lot of time
is a powerful metaphor
for anything dark in our lives,
and the hope,
the wonderful hope we feel,
when things start getting better.

Last week,
TrueBlue wrote about
the well-known depression
that so many lonely, grieving folks feel,
during the holidays.

I think that pain is caused
by memories of joyful holiday times
in years gone by,
and the fear of loneliness,
and the actual loneliness,
in stark contrast
to those good times of the past.


For me,
this year,
I'm living the hopeful side,
the days-are-getting-longer side,
of the winter solstice metaphor.

My years with Pam,
my first wife,
from 1977
thru 2001,
before she started getting ill,
that period of my life,
that period of
brave and moving ahead
Mark and Pam,
that period
was the spring,
and fall of my life.

The trips to the hospital,
the gradual dying of Pam,
and the three years between
the death of Pam,
and my marriage to Tonia,
that period is like
December 15th
to December 25th,
dark days,
with a glimmer of hope,
hope provided by Bev,
who was my lover during that three years.

I struggled with
depression and fear,
the fear that I couldn't even
take care of myself,
and the feeling that it was not worth the effort.

when Tonia and I
started our time together,
the true return of the sun,
the true return of hope,

Bev was not dedicated
to taking care of me;
Tonia is.

Tonia does so many things,
every day,
from begging for my touch,
to caressing me,
from saying,
"Give me attention!"
to saying
"I love you, so much."

Tonia and I
are entering a new spring,
looking forward to our summer,
looking forward to at least twenty years together,
before one of us starts dying,
and the December comes again.

I'm leaving these quotes in,
from the last time I posted here:

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Satchel Paige

Read more at  

Here's my latest great poem,
the only one I've put in a quote box lately,
and formally called a poem:


Life Poem

We do what we can
with what we've got.

Our life is only that.

We stand,
at the end of the day.

We see some respect from a few,
our friends.

We smile for a moment.

And then we're gone.

Thanks for reading.

The comment thread
is an open thread,
for you to use,
to pour out your heart,
reveal your pain.

It usually helps
to write it out,
and crying is healthy.

don't hold back.

.......and then eat pie.

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