Introduce novelty into a variety of situations. At lunch, order "extra gluten on everything," tongue kiss the server and start twerking.
Sometimes life is a marathon. But sometimes it's also a sprint. It is always and forever fucking annoying
This is the season for giving, so give generously whenever possible. Yes, that means oral.
If you ever see me deflate my Reebok pumps it means your life was just in danger but I've already neutralized the threat
Son, you came into this world in the back of a Astro Van while the Clash was playing and that’s how you’re going to go out. It’s your destiny.
WebMD just told me NOT to mix alcohol with Opiates. My whole life has been a lie.